The first is that the interviewer asked Jenner about rumours that she's gay. No one should have to answer questions about their sexuality (even celebrities who get asked invasive questions all the time). If someone is gay, it's up to them to choose when and how to tell someone (or the whole world, in Jenner's case). But the biggest problem here isn't the question — it's how the story sets up the big reveal.
"Kendall Jenner — a tomboy who collects vintage cars, prefers sneaks and jeans and a hoodie, and rolls with a squad of mostly guys — is not gay," it reads.
A woman who likes to dress comfortably, thinks cars are cool, and hangs out with men is straight? Whaaaat?
Oh, wait, this actually isn't shocking at all. Straight women have all kinds of interests and can dress however they want. What's also not shocking, but definitely disappointing, is the framing of this information. It rolls a whole bunch of gay stereotypes into one sentence and, in doing so, bolsters the widely-held misconception that all gay women look and act alike.
Assuming that "masculine" traits, like feeling at home in a hoodie and a pair of sneakers, can indicate someone's sexuality erases feminine queer women like me. We call it "femme invisibility," and it's an issue that we deal with all the time. When the assumption is that all queer women dress, talk, walk, or act masculine, our identity gets erased.
As queer writer Ivan Coyote wrote in their poem, “To All of the Kick-Ass, Beautiful, Fierce Femmes Out There": "Sometimes, you are invisible. I have no idea what this must feel like, to pass right by your people and not be recognised, to not be seen."
It feels isolating. When we were newly out in college, I and other femmes I knew would do whatever it took to make ourselves seen. We'd line our backpacks with so many rainbow pins that they were basically metal and wear shirts with slogans like "Legalise Gay" or "Vagatarian." Some decided to get a "lesbian haircut" and then later regretted it. But even when we made every indication that we're gay, some people still wouldn't believe us.
Take Lauren, for example. She was the badass, high-femme, lesbian director of programming at my college's LGBTQ+ resource centre. When a straight man from the campus newspaper came in to interview her one day, he took one look at her fierce, pointy heels and fully-made face and said, "You're too pretty to be gay."
That's not an uncommon experience. When Lauren told us that story during an LGBTQ+ discussion group one night, two other women piped up to say that the same thing happened to them at frat parties and even in the local gay club. Both straight and gay people still have a hard time believing that feminine women can be gay. Queer femmes have actually been told that they don't belong in queer spaces because they don't "look" gay. And that makes femmes feel both invisible and ostracised.
So, maybe Kendall Jenner isn't gay, but I am. I know nothing about cars, my closet is full of dresses, and the only straight man I regularly talk to is my girlfriend's roommate (because, you know, I don't want to be rude). I'm not the kind of person who comes to mind when most people hear the word "lesbian." Does that mean gay women can't be vintage car-loving, sneaks and jeans-wearing tomboys who hang out with men? Of course not. I'm sure a gay woman who fits that exact description exists somewhere in the world. But we don't all look the same, and juxtaposing Jenner's more "masculine" traits with her sexuality plays into stereotypes that misrepresent the queer community as a whole.
We're a diverse group of people, with butches and femmes and lots of people whose gender presentation falls somewhere in the middle, and we all deserve to be seen.
Per the new report, the accusation comes from reggae singer Michael May, whose stage name is Flourgon. May states that Cyrus and her label RCA Records used seven words from his 1988 song "We Run Things" on "We Can't Stop."
The lyrics in question on "We Can't Stop" are "We run things/Things don't run we." In May's track, the lyrics state: "We run things/Things no run we."
Here is Flourgon's track.
And here "We Can't Stop" by Cyrus.
It is unclear why May chose now to come forward about the song lyrics.
Per Reuters, May was reportedly granted a copyright for all musical arrangements on "We Run Things" at the US Copyright Office in November of 2017. According to Reuters, a representative for May states that Cyrus "owes the basis of its chart-topping popularity to and its highly-lucrative success to plaintiff May’s protected, unique, creative and original content."
Per a press statement from May's lawyer, that adds up to an estimated $300 million (£215 million).
May also wants Cyrus to cease performing the song (yes, May is asking Cyrus to stop) as well as to halt all future sales of the track, Reuters reports.
This is not the first time a popular pop song was accused of ripping off lyrics. Taylor Swift was recently sued by the writers of the 3LW song "Players Gon' Play," for allegedly copying their lyrics for her song "Shake It Off." The lawsuit was ultimately dismissed in January.
Refinery29 has reached out to representatives for Cyrus for comment and will update this post should we hear back.
Every woman, from those blessed with XL breasts to those flat as a board, knows how long it takes to build a relationship with your bra. After getting initially acquainted (boobs, meet bra; bra, meet boobs) you have to invest a lot of patience, money and give or take a few existential crises in lingerie dressing rooms before you can fully appreciate your bra.
From going to your first fitting to taking it off in front of someone for the first time, you’ll go through so much together. We’ve all got history with our bras, but even though at times the branger is real, it’ll always be there to support you… literally.
Whether you wear “my eyes are up here” kinda push-ups, delicate lace bralettes, heavy duty sports bras or bras that can potentially save your life, every woman goes through six relationship stages with her bra.
Buying Your First Bra
Much like getting your period and having your first kiss, buying your first bra is a rite of passage every young girl awaits with a mix of fear, excitement and anticipation.
All your mates seem to have developed fully fledged boobs overnight and you’re still failing the pencil test, but nonetheless you convince your mum to take you bra shopping. Reluctantly she takes you to the department store and you marvel at the beauty of the bra section. You’ve already spotted the perfect bra: it’s lilac, lacy and has a little bow between the cups. It’s. So. Pretty.
But of course your mum says you’re far too young to be wearing a bra like that. She insists on buying you the woebegone nude cotton "sensible" one, which she promises you’ll grow into one day… Nothing to show off to your mates the next day in school.
Illustration by Kiki Ljung
Committing Fashion Faux-Pas
There’s a lot of trial and error when it comes to wearing bras, and learning to don them elegantly yet effortlessly is a big part of that. You can always tell a bra novice apart from a seasoned wearer, thanks to these common no-nos:
– Wearing a racerback top and showing visible bra straps.
– Wearing a white top with a white or coloured bra. The key is to match the bra colour to your skin tone; thank us later.
– Wearing a high-neck top with an unnecessary push-up, hiding the cleavage and giving you quadra-boob *lightning and thunder strike, ominous music plays*
– Wearing a glamorous low-cut dress and ruining it with visible bra band, or even worse, using a see-through plastic strap.
We’ve all been there, and as with any relationship you learn from your mistakes. It takes a lot of bractice (sorry, we had to) and even though reminiscing over those bra fashion faux-pas makes you shudder, you’re a better woman for it...
Illustration by Kiki Ljung
Wanting To Give Up
Big or small boobed, chances are you’ve thought about #FreeingTheNipple at least once. Removing your bra after a long day is the breast feeling in the world (are the bra puns getting annoying?) and it’s enough to make you consider going commando for the rest of your life. You’re willing to go through life with Rachel-from- Friends levels of visible nipple because anything is better than a bra digging into your chest for hours on end.
But no amount of boob tape or stick-on cups can truly keep the girls in place. Plus, the under-boob sweat is not pleasant and the minute you wear something low-cut, one of your mates has to be on constant nipple watch.
Can’t live with ‘em, can’t live without ‘em.
Illustration by Kiki Ljung
Learning You’ve Been Wearing The Wrong Size Bra This Whole Time
Imagine, you go half your life thinking you’ve finally nailed this whole 'wearing a bra' thing and then some headline comes along and says you’ve been wearing the wrong sizethis whole time. Excuse me?! In fact, almost 80% of women wear the wrong size bra! No wonder they’re so often associated with discomfort.
Ill-fitting bras don’t discriminate. If you’re small-chested, you get slipping straps, rising back bands, and an awkward space between the cup and actual breast. If you have a fuller chest, you get straps that dig into your shoulders, back clasps barely holding it together, and incessant nip slips because the cups always seem to be too small.
It’s hard to admit that we’ve been unknowingly neglecting, if not outright mistreating, our precious boobs for so long and nestling them in something that causes us so much unnecessary branger.
Illustration by Kiki Ljung
Taking Out A Mortgage Just To Buy A New Bra
Just thinking about having to buy a new bra makes your debit card shiver, but your old faithful has finally bitten the dust. The cups no longer fit, there are holes in the lace, it’s stained from that time you spilled red wine, the straps have lost elasticity and the underwire seems to have been designed to poke and prod you incessantly.
It’s time to buy a new one but bras are unfairly expensive, and although you can buy a cheap one, you know a quality bra is a good investment. Spending money on a good bra is a necessary evil all women know too well. Even OG feminists recognised how expensive bras were, and despite the common urban myth they never really burned their bras.
Illustration by Kiki Ljung
Finally Choosing Comfort Over Cleavage
Maybe celebrities have the time and f*cks to duct-tape their boobs in the name of anti-gravity cleavage, but most women CBA to go through all that trouble.
What sense is there in being uncomfortable, restricted and suffocated just so your boobs look bigger/better/different? Your boobs are great the way they are! They deserve true comfort, like the new Sloggi ZERO FEEL. A bra that feels like you’re not wearing anything but provides all the support you need. A bra that doesn’t require adjusting every half hour. A bra that feels like your breasts are being cupped by clouds while simultaneously feeling like you have nothing on. How does it do that? Magic! Or, you know, technology and innovation.
You’re not a fully fledged adult woman until you’ve reached this point of enlightenment and give yourself the care and comfort you truly deserve. Screw the male gaze, f*ck gravity and welcome to your new, unfastened life with no wires, no clasps, no red marks and no itchy material slowly driving you insane. Bra nirvana!
Illustration by Kiki Ljung
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We Brits are known for being a bit prudish and often, our health suffers because of it. According to a survey by Jo’s Cervical Cancer Trust, around 3,000 women are diagnosed with cervical cancer every year in the UK, and it’s the most common cancer in women aged 35 and under. Smear tests can prevent 75% of these cases, yet a third of the women surveyed said they delayed getting a smear test because of embarrassment. It sounds extreme, but our unease with our vaginas could literally kill us.
And we aren’t the only ones with this problem. Nina Brochmann and Ellen Stokken Dahl have been travelling the world talking about vaginas since writing their book The Wonder Down Under. First published in Norway last year, the ‘user guide to the vagina’ has just been released in the UK, on International Women’s Day.
One of the biggest reasons Ellen and Nina started working in this area as medical students was Norway’s lacklustre sex education. They also joined a national scheme helping sex workers and refugees.
Then in 2015 they started a blog called The Genitals. Originally aimed at poorly educated teenagers, they soon found that their audience was much, much bigger – to date, the pieces on their site have been read 1.4 million times. A host of book deals later, it turns out there was more of an appetite for discussion of this topic – by people who knew their stuff – than they could have ever imagined.
It’s not just their topic that’s unique, it’s their refreshingly non-judgemental approach to all things female. And most importantly: the emphasis they put on women’s desire. “Education is about restricting sex, it’s not pro-sex,” says Ellen. “We need to discuss female desire. We don’t learn enough about that in high school. If you don’t write about female desire then women don’t know the size of their own clitoris.”
In the book, Nina and Ellen don’t shy away from anything, exploring periods, sex, babies, discharge, virginity and female genital mutilation – all with a clinical eye and a practical and engaging approach. You won’t believe half the stuff you learn from reading it – or rather, you won’t believe you didn’t know it already. They even have some incredible revelations about the clitoris, a part of the female anatomy which has been hugely underserved by the male-driven world of science. “People just don’t find it very important. But it’s empowering for women,” says Ellen.
The extent to which Britain's limited sex education is skewed towards not getting pregnant will ring true with anyone who's ever tried for a baby. Only last month doctors from the Fertility Education Initiative told The Times that girls needed to be taught more about how and when to get pregnant. Ellen is noticing the repercussions of this knowledge gap right now, aged 31: "All of my girlfriends are trying to get pregnant. And I can’t tell you how many calls I get asking ‘How do I get pregnant?’" she says incredulously. “We spend all of our youth trying not to get pregnant, and then suddenly we’re like – how does this even work?!”
There are of course many reasons why women aren’t able to talk about their health openly and comfortably. Nina experienced this firsthand, growing up in the more conservative west of Norway. “It’s very hard to be open about who you are in more conservative cultures,” she recognises. “Our work with refugees was one of the things that really motivated us to start off with this work,” adds Ellen. “We met women who were scared of using contraception because they were scared people in their family would find out and think they were having sex. But they weren’t, they were just having really painful or problematic periods, and they needed contraception for that but they were scared to use it because of the social repercussions.”
But this goes further than religion and cultural practices. One of the biggest myths that the pair is trying to bust is entrenched in popular culture; what they call "the vagina fraud". Put simply? “There’s absolutely no medical test that can prove if a woman is a virgin or not.” But what about the hymen? “There’s so many examples in popular culture, where people talk about the hymen and virginity, as if you are totally different before and after.” Even practised doctors have absolutely no way of telling whether a woman is a virgin. “This holiness about the vagina is unhealthy. You wouldn’t call a lesbian grown woman with lots of sexual experience a virgin, it’s absurd.”
So how has this myth stuck around for so long? “Every culture has been spending so much attention on female virginity and not male virginity,” suggests Nina, explaining that it may have a lot to do with men wanting to make sure they were bringing up their own children. Women know their baby is theirs; they live with it for nine months. Men don’t. “It comes down to men trying to control a woman,” says Nina matter-of-factly.
From virginity to pregnancy to the anatomy of our vaginas, there is so much that we don’t know. And this is a problem, for men and women, because women’s everyday problems aren’t taken seriously. At all. “The point is that the majority of society are heterosexual and live in heterosexual couples when we are adults, so we spend a lot of our adult lives with men,” says Ellen. “And the fact that we can’t talk openly about these things that are such a huge part of our lives, really puts a strain on women.”
Have you ever found the perfect jumper, only to get caught between two beautiful shades? Instead of putting yourself through apparel anxiety, why not buy a jumper (or skirt, or dress) that does both colours in one? Whether you call it two-tone, bicolour or colour blocking, the trend is appearing on the catwalk, in beauty – even interior design.
As seen at Roksanda SS18, a pink satin gown layered over trousers in red, yellow or blue is a fresh take on casual elegance. The likes of Céline, Molly Goddard and Fyodor Golan have also embraced contrasting colours for their spring collections. Where monochrome has long been the favoured twosome, spring style is going beyond black and white to a world of colour combinations. Of all painterly pairs, pink and red continues to reign supreme, as seen in Kitri's much sought-after Phoebe pink rollneck jumper, which sold out within 48 hours. “Colour blocking is the best way to modernise simple silhouettes and give a vibrant and fashion-forward edge,’' says Haeni Kim, the brand's founder.
We may have missed our chance at the Phoebe jumper but there's a wealth of two-tone treasures still out there. Click on for our favourites...
This beautiful powder blue and navy two-tone dress from Kitri is perfect for day to evening. The lightweight silk will move beautifully while you walk, plus it has pockets! Elegant, yet functional.
Kitri Sofiane Blue Silk Midi Dress, £225, available at Kitri
An elegant flare dress that's perfect for walking along the beach and watching the sunset.
Mango Pleated Bicolor Dress, £99.99, available at Mango
A fresh twist on the cut-out one-piece from Solid & Striped's 'Swim Team' design collaboration with supermodel Jourdan Dunn.
Solid & Striped The Jourdan Cutout Two-Tone Swimsuit, £145, available at Net-A-Porter
This casual carryall was crafted for Mango Committed, a special capsule collection of environmentally sustainable pieces.
Mango Texture Bicolor Bag, £19.99, available at Mango
... and if you like a matchy look then try coordinating with these sandals.
J.Crew Colorblock Cora Crisscross Sandals, £69.50, available at J.Crew
We love this midi skirt from Zara. The curved contrast between the brick orange and the black elongates the torso.
Zara Two-Tone Pleated Skirt, £29.99, available at Zara
It's no secret that fuchsia and red is a match made in two-tone heaven. If you're up for a splurge then we suggest this sophisticated statement.
Staud Joyce Two-Tone Crepe de Chine Jumpsuit, £265, available at Net-A-Porter
Kitten heeled mules are perfect for bringing a little sophistication to a casual spring outfit.
Schutz Two-Tone Mules, £168, available at Farfetch
A new take on the classic hoop with silver and gold tones in various sizes.
Finery Maley Mis Match Hoop and Ring Earrings, £22, available at Finery
This cute, comfortable espadrille is making us want to book a ticket to a beautiful cobblestoned city.
Alexachung Denim Flat Jean Stitch Espadrille, £175, available at Alexachung
We love a transitional piece that can move gracefully between work and evening cocktails. Plus, the asymmetrical cut of this silk midi gives a modern and eclectic feel.
Tibi Delphina Striped High-Rise Midi Skirt, £550, available at Matches Fashion
Strawberries and cream come to mind when we see this comfy cable-knit jumper.
Mango Bicolor Cable-Knit Sweater, £49.99, available at Mango
This unique bucket bag holds a special place in the hearts of many a fashion influencer. Worn by the likes of Leandra Medine, Aimee Song and Lisa Aiken, Staud has introduced two new shades of the Moreau exclusively for Net-A-Porter.
Staud Moreau Two-Tone Macramé and Leather Bucket Bag, £310, available at Net-A-Porter
An essential for the warmer months, with a fresh tangerine trim.
Whistles Colourblock Dome Summer Hat, £45, available at Whistles
This cute structured mini bag can be used as a crossbody, handbag or clutch with a detachable shoulder strap and handle.
Zara Two-Tone Mini City Bag, £29.99, available at Zara
A versatile midi, which you can dress up or down depending on the occasion.
Warehouse Colourblock Pleated Dress, £79, available at Warehouse
A couple of years back, after an unexpected and gut-wrenching break-up, I was all over the place – so I threw myself into my yoga practice in the hope of regaining some equilibrium. One day I saw a flyer on the noticeboard at the yoga studio. “Reduce stress and manage emotions,” it said. “Detach and refocus. Instil calm.” Oh yes please, I thought. But what was it? Mindfulness? Meditation? Buddhist chanting? No. Sophrology.
Soph-what? “Almost nobody knows about sophrology in the UK,” said Francoise Falaise, a Belgian who would become my sophrology teacher. “There are thousands of practitioners on the continent, but it’s still just beginning here.” The intention of our first session together, she said, would be "to take distance from tensions and refocus".
And so we began our sessions, meeting weekly. Some very simple breathing exercises and gentle body movement were followed by a guided meditation where I lay on the floor and Francoise talked me through a relaxing journey of letting go. It was very nice but so subtle I wondered if I was missing something. I did feel very calm afterwards, though.
The objective of the next session was to “install detachment”. We did neck exercises – with mindful breathing, I gently shook my head to say ‘no’ to negative emotions and nodded to say ‘yes’ to detachment. It felt a bit weird, but fine. I exhaled negativity and breathed in detachment, followed by more exercises to reinforce assertiveness (mindful breathing while stretching and reaching upwards) and a ‘virtual walk’ where I walked on the spot, visualising my capacity to walk away from emotional upset in a controlled way.
Afterwards I did feel curiously detached. Francoise said that in order for these feelings to become integrated within me, I needed to do the exercises at home too, so that they became part of my daily routine. Luckily they were very simple and didn’t take long. It felt like the subtle installation of a sort of time delay between feelings and my reactions to them – almost like a body-based cognitive behavioural therapy.
After a few more sessions, Francoise moved to Panama City and I got on with my yoga, my busted heart taped back together with sophrology and vinyasa flow.
The practice is set to expand in the UK. Swiss sophrology teacher Dominique Antiglio has just written a comprehensive English-language book, including audio, for home practice: The Life-Changing Power Of Sophrology. She has a practice in Mayfair, London.
“There are dozens of titles in French,” she says. “Sophrology for athletes, the corporate world, sleeping, pregnancy, midwifery..."
The founder of sophrology, Alfonso Caycedo, travelled around China, Tibet and India, distilling the teachings of yoga, meditation and Buddhism, and translating them for the West. It’s access to consciousness for everyone, without having to spend years meditating or standing on your head. It’s a simple, powerful technique. Having said that, there are 12 levels of sophrology, so you can go as deeply into it as you wish.
Antiglio explains: “The key differentiator between sophrology and mindfulness or meditation is the ability to take control of how we handle situations and feel about outcomes – one of the principles in sophrology states that we can decide how we are going to experience certain events even when we can't change them.
“We are therefore responsible for our experience and how we respond to situations. It is more dynamic than meditation and uses a number of techniques including breathing, relaxation, body awareness and visualisation to help you connect with your resilience and improve your mental and physical health.”
Irish sophrologist Niamh Borrel used the practice to help with chronic pain. “The main difference between sophrology and other methods is that you can reach a deep level of zen state much quicker – sometimes even in one session, depending on the individual,” she says. “We call this the sophroliminal level of consciousness. The beauty of sophrology is that you can do it anywhere. There is no need for special gear. You can do it sitting down, standing up or lying down.
“It can be easily used by someone in a hospital bed about to go into surgery, or by someone just sitting enjoying the present moment on a train, or by athletes using it to increase mental focus, or ballerinas and gymnasts. Or even parents dealing with a stressful day at work, and later on with hyperactive kids at home.”
So there you have it. It’s not yoga, it’s not mindfulness, it’s not meditation, it’s not T’ai Chi – and it’s not yet established in the English-speaking world. But if it’s used effectively by everyone from women in labour to Olympic athletes, it can only be a matter of time before sophrology enters our wellness lexicon.
6 things to know aboutsophrology
1. The term comes from the Greek ‘sos’ (harmony) and ‘phren’ (mind).
2. It was founded around 1960 by Colombian neuropsychiatrist, Alfonso Caycedo at the University of Madrid. He combined various influences – hypnosis, Western relaxation methods, Japanese zen, yoga, and Buddhist meditation – to treat depression, and war veterans with post-traumatic stress disorder.
3. Unlike traditional talking therapies, sophrology is not about discussing the narrative of your life; it’s about zooming out, and creating a space between your inner emotional balance and any difficult feelings. You don’t suppress your feelings but consciously let them go and redirect them, using physical movement and breath work.
4. Sophrology is currently used by the French rugby team, its uses within sports psychology discovered when the Swiss ski team won lots of medals at the Grenoble Winter Olympics in 1968 after being coached by sophrologist Dr. Raymond Abrezol.
5. As well as being used to help treat sleep disorders and in preparing for birth, sophrology may also have benefits for sufferers of stage fright and exam nerves.
6. Such is its popularity in France and Switzerland that sophrology is routinely covered by health insurance; it is even taught in schools, to help kids manage the rigours of adolescence.
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Oh, the recklessness of youth. Everyone remembers the first time they attacked their eyebrows, whether it was an attempt to emulate your older sister's perfectly tweezed arches (without your mum's knowledge, of course), or getting an equally clueless friend to wax them with Boots' finest at-home strips (ouch).
Perhaps eyebrows were so alluring to us as teens because they were less intimidating than other body hair; or perhaps it was their ability to change the way our face looked – even if it never worked out the way we wanted...
Unfortunately, we have a habit of following the crowd when it comes to shaping our brows, with absolutely no consideration of whether said shape will suit us. The '00s was a particularly rough patch, with celebrities and mere mortals alike launching a full-throttle attack on their eyebrows.
Our theory is that in the '90s, genuinely cool women like Drew Barrymore and Janet Jackson worked pencil-thin brows with panache, which led to a generation of teens hacking away at their own with whatever tool was to hand. By the time the '00s came around, we'd gone too far. There were patches, length issues, regrowth impossibilities and addictions to the oh-so-satisfying pluck.
With big, bold and bushy the shape du jour, courtesy of Cara and her naturally beautiful brows, it's a frustrating time for teens of the '90s and '00s. Regrowth isn't easy, and all hope of rocking thick, luscious brows died with our very first Tweezerman. But your outlook is about to change. Instagram account @historyofoverplucking is here to soothe your nonexistent brow woes and prove that, actually, less is more. Who needs gels and tints and threading?
Click through to see the best examples of teeny, tiny, skinny brows, modelled by the coolest women out there.
The inimitable Naomi Campbell in a Fendi eyewear ad from 1993, proving that a micro fringe and bold brows was as much of a look back then as it is now.
Courtney Love and Pamela Anderson, badass blonde bombshells of the '90s, making a case for tiny brows and extra eyeshadow.
Zooey Deschanel plays William's cooler, vinyl-touting older sister in cult film Almost Famous. We loved her as much for her dissatisfaction with her humdrum hometown as for her relatable brows.
If Aretha approves...
Even the ladies of yore kept their brows in line, as this fresco proves.
A '90s Kate Moss championed the skinny brow, in line with the minimalist aesthetic of the decade.
1948 ballet film The Red Shoes is worth watching for the makeup alone, and is the perfect example of how drawn-on brows can exaggerate any look.
Janet forever and ever, amen. Bonus points for those extreme arches.
Ah Kristin Cavallari; bad girl of The Hills, bad girl of brows.
We adore any look turned out by Anjelica Huston but this one in particular is pure pastel-eye inspiration.
Pearl choker? Check. LBD? Check. Slicked-back, bleached-blonde 'do? Check. Mauve lips? Check. Drew's brows are the cherry on top of her stellar '93 Golden Globes look.
Bigger brows would only draw attention away from Diana Ross' magnificent eyes.
This is pretty much everything we strived for circa 2000. We <3 you, Scar Jo.
Oh Lil' Kim, anything you do – including a silver 'do and gems in the corner of the eye – we shall do, too.
It wouldn't be a nostalgia trip without Gwen. Brows thinner than your liner is no mean feat.
See! Even Renaissance babes had mega thin brows – it's a trend that spans centuries.
You don’t need us here at Refinery29 to remind you that this past year has been simultaneously challenging and revolutionary for women. Between the steady stream of messages we’ve received from our public officials and the even harsher realities (finally) exposed by the #MeToo movement, we’ve spent much of the past year fixing problems of prejudice and inequity.
But as we’re looking inward, International Women’s Day is also an opportunity for us all to look outward. And while we still often treat the education of girls worldwide as some far-flung impossible dream — a pursuit for people exclusively in faraway lands to worry about — the power of young women should be a top priority for both the United States and the rest of the world. According to the United Nations, countries lose more than 1 billion dollars a year by failing to educate girls at the same level as boys. And studies from the Brookings Institution report that just one extra year of secondary school can increase a girl's future income by 10 to 20%.
It’s simple: A truly healthy and prosperous country is one where girls can learn. That’s been the issue at the core of Michelle Obama’s legacy as First Lady, and she’s not stopping now. For International Women's Day, Michelle Obama and the Obama Foundation teamed up with Refinery29 to shine a light on the importance and urgency of empowering girls around the world — to ensure they can reach their full potential through education and, in turn, support their families, communities, and countries. The result is a Q&A between Mrs. Obama and four young women from Nepal, Ghana, Guatemala, and Chicago, a critical dialogue she hopes will remind us that this is our issue to face, as much as anyone else’s.
“To celebrate International Women’s Day, I wanted to reach out and connect with girls around the world — including in Chicago —to hear their stories and to share some of mine," Mrs. Obama tells Refinery29. "Working to empower girls across the globe is my passion, and through the Obama Foundation, it will be something I work on for the rest of my life. I hope readers everywhere will be inspired to join me in this effort.”
Want to learn more about how you can help educate girls around the world? Visit go.obama.org/iwd and follow @obamafoundation on Twitter, Facebook, and Instagram to get updates on the work the Foundation will be doing in the weeks and months to come.
MEET PEARL NIKI QUARMYNE, 20, FROM MFANTSIMAN, GHANA
Pearl was raised in a small village by her grandmother and grew up selling pastries and toffee to provide for herself and her two brothers. She was able to attend high school with the help of Camfed, a nonprofit that helps girls go to school in sub-Saharan Africa. Now a college student, she works with girls in her community, funding their needs with the proceeds from her business selling ice blocks to local fishermen.
MICHELLE OBAMA: Pearl, what barriers did you have to overcome in order to achieve an education? What made you decide you would do whatever it took to overcome those obstacles?
PQ: “My barrier was financial. I’m the only girl in my family and was raised by my grandmother, who never went to school, and aunties, who were never able to finish school. I helped make ends meet by fetching and selling water; washing clothes for other families; and selling sugarcane, pastries, and toffee. Many girls I knew dropped out due to pregnancy or because they couldn’t afford the materials. I couldn’t afford books myself, so I would ask teachers and friends to borrow them. I was determined, because I loved school and wanted to be a teacher; I would often read ahead and help teachers with their lesson plans.”
PEARL: Mrs. Obama, how do you define success?
MO: “On your own terms! Success isn’t about how your life looks to others — it’s about how it feels to you. I also think a key measure of success is how you handle adversity. It’s not just about how you act when you’re healthy and happy and everything is going according to plan, but also what you do when life knocks you to the ground and all your plans go right out the window. In those darkest moments, you have a choice: Do you dwell on everything you’ve lost, or do you focus on what you still have and find a way to move forward with passion, determination, and joy?”
Read the full conversation between Mrs. Obama and Pearl here.
MEET ALEJANDRA TELEGUARIO SANTIZO, 17, FROM QUETZALTENANGO, GUATEMALA
Last year, at just 16 years old, Alejandra began to speak out against sexual violence and acoso callejero — or street harassment — in her community through local radio programs, with the help of Rise Up’s Let Girls Lead initiative.
MICHELLE OBAMA: Alejandra, why is an education so important to you and to other girls in Guatemala?
AS: “Schools in my community in Guatemala are missing many basic infrastructures, like computers, desks, and materials, as well as curriculums that promote both the personal and social development of young girls, particularly indigenous girls. Recently, an indigenous classmate of mine was forced by her family to drop out and marry because she got pregnant. It’s still a common cultural practice for indigenous girls and girls in rural areas to live in informal unions when they’re very young, which is something my network of girl leaders is advocating against.”
ALEJANDRA: So, Mrs. Obama, many girls like myself look up to you as a role model. What advice do you have for girl leaders like me?
MO: “My best advice to girls, including my own daughters, is do not be afraid to fail. So often, our own fear of failure is the thing that keeps us back. We think we have to be perfect, that if we make even the tiniest mistake, it’s a catastrophe. That’s simply not true! In fact, the only way you succeed in life is by failing and failing well. And by that I mean you cannot let your failures eat you up or make you want to quit. You have to learn from them, let them challenge and inspire you to do more — to take some risks and to step outside of your comfort zone.”
Read the full conversation between Mrs. Obama and Alejandra here.
MEET EVA LEWIS, 19, FROM CHICAGO, ILLINOIS
Eva is an activist and artist who grew up on the South Side of Chicago. She’s now the founder of The I Project, a nonprofit focusing on intersectionality that promotes activism through art, and is studying at the University of Pennsylvania.
MICHELLE OBAMA: Why is an education so important to you and to other girls in Chicago?
EL: “My mother’s parents, who migrated from Mississippi and Alabama to Chicago during the second Great Migration, raised her to know their history and reap the benefits of education so that she could emancipate herself. She instilled those same values in me. Education gives us the tools to advocate for ourselves — and write narratives counter to the ones that have been written for us.
“Education also grants us a fighting chance. We are constantly being beaten down by the multiple layers of systems that oppress us. We live in a world that sexualises us for being women and ostracises us for being Black. So education is a Black girl’s weapon. Audre Lorde, Alice Walker, and Kimberlé Crenshaw couldn’t create terms like Black feminism, womanism, and intersectionality to spread the word about our struggle without that knowledge.”
EVA: Similar to me, Mrs. Obama, you grew up on the South Side, attended a selective-enrollment high school outside of your community, and went on to an Ivy League institution. What did that academic journey teach you?
MO: “Yes, I'm a product of the Chicago public school system. I went to the neighbourhood elementary school around the corner from my house, and my parents were very clear from the time my brother and I were little that school was our number one priority. So I always put 120% into it. I always wanted to be the top student; I wanted to talk, and I wanted to raise my hand.
“And then I got the chance to go to a magnet high school called Whitney Young, which was a new college prep school that you had to test into. I absolutely knew it was the place for me. I wanted so desperately to be at a school where you weren't treated like you were strange because you liked to read, study, and strive to succeed.
“So much like you, I would wake up before dawn every day, get on a bus, and ride for an hour and a half to get to school and then ride for another hour and a half to get home at the end of the day. I spent three hours a day commuting because I was determined that this high school was going to be my stepping stone to college. I learned a lot about discipline, perseverance, and time management, and it was absolutely worth it. Because of the education I got at Whitney Young, I was able to attend Princeton and Harvard Law School and pursue the career of my dreams.”
Read the full conversation between Mrs. Obama and Eva here.
MEET NIRUPA KATUWAL, 21, FROM KATHMANDU, NEPAL
Nirupa grew up with a single mother who pushed her to get the education she never could. When Room to Read, a global education nonprofit that promotes literacy and gender equality in Asia and Africa, arrived at her school, Nirupa was given the opportunity to excel. She recently graduated from college with a degree in business and now serves as a mentor for Room to Read.
MICHELLE OBAMA: Nirupa, what barriers have you had to overcome in order to achieve an education? What made you decide you would do whatever it took to overcome those obstacles?
NK: “My father left us when I was just nine months old, leaving my mother to fend for herself and a baby. Uneducated, she took a job in a garment factory making paltry wages, and she had no option but to leave me in the small room where we lived. I often skipped meals and struggled to attend school; I can still remember my friends asking about my father, and I had no answer. I personally know how life can treat you when you don’t have an education — I’ve seen the cost my mother paid for being illiterate. But she never complained, and even when she was sick or needed help with chores, she always said, ‘Focus on your studies.’ She knew the value of education.”
NIRUPA: What are your future plans to enhance women's empowerment and girls’ education worldwide?
MO: “Back when I was First Lady, we launched Let Girls Learn, an effort to help girls worldwide attend school. And we saw that whether it's a head of state, a corporate CEO, or a teenage girl, when people hear the stories of girls who are not in school, they're moved, and they're outraged. And better yet, they want to help.
“That was certainly true for me. As I’ve said, I plan to continue this work for the rest of my life, and I’m proud that my husband and I are creating a global adolescent girls' education program through the Obama Foundation. I want every girl on the planet to have the same kind of opportunities that I've had, and that my daughters are having, to fulfil their potential and pursue their dreams. I look forward to sharing more about our work with you soon, and I hope all of you will join us.”
Read the full conversation between Mrs. Obama and Nirupa here.
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Versace is to join a growing list of design houses that have announced a ban on fur in future collections. In an interview for The Economist 's 1843 magazine, the brand's vice president and chief designer said, “Fur? I am out of that. I don’t want to kill animals to make fashion. It doesn’t feel right.” According to WWD, the news came mere hours after fellow Italian brand Furla stated that it was also going fur-free, beginning with its cruise 2019 collection.
At the time of writing, Versace hasn't released an official brand statement confirming the news, but Humane Society International wasted no time in circulating their joy at Donatella's comments. “Versace is a massively influential luxury brand that symbolises excess and glamour, and so its decision to stop using fur shows that compassionate fashion has never been more on trend," stated Claire Bass, executive director of Humane Society International UK. "Such influential brands turning their backs on cruel fur makes the few designers like Fendi and Burberry who are still peddling fur look increasingly out of touch and isolated.”
Donatella's changing attitude towards fur – previously, the brand has used mink, fox and racoon dog fur, with a laser-cut fur coat featuring in its AW17 offering – could be attributed to the renaissance the brand has experienced over the past year. 2017 was the 20th anniversary of the death of Donatella's beloved brother Gianni, and she ensured through a series of revivals that his legacy was honoured.
A reunion of the Supers – Christy Turlington, Linda Evangelista, Naomi Campbell and Cindy Crawford – was the highlight of the SS18 fashion month calendar, while Donatella's forward-looking vision was seen in Versace's SS18 campaign, which united two generations of models – famous faces of the '90s like Gisele Bündchen alongside millennial models Gigi and Kaia. Of course, Versace is on everyone's mind thanks to American Crime Story: The Assassination of Gianni Versace now showing in the UK, in which Penélope Cruz dons a bleached blonde wig and thick lashes to portray Donatella – although the show isn't approved by the fashion house or Versace family.
Following the lead of other influential houses like Gucci and Michael Kors, which both announced their fur-free stance in the last six months, we can only hope that by the end of 2018, the whole of the industry will have waved goodbye to cruelty in the name of fashion. When brands like Shrimps are offering directional and fabulous faux fur alternatives without the violent – and frankly, uncool – practice of harming animals, fur looks more and more like an outdated and embarrassing concept the industry should leave behind.
But what about Finland – a country associated with Lapland, metalheads and a dry sense of humour? The country has just been named the happiest nation on Earth, overtaking Norway and jumping four places to pole position in the UN's annual ranking of subjective wellbeing.
The 2018 World Happiness Report, which asks more than 1,000 people in over 150 countries to rate their happiness on a scale from one to 10, also rated Norway, Iceland, Denmark and Switzerland in the top five. All scored well for factors including economic strength (measured in GDP per capita), social support, life expectancy, freedom, generosity, and perceptions of corruption.
The US and UK, meanwhile, did not fare particularly well, coming in at a lowly 18th and 19th respectively, with the UK's position remaining stable and the US dropping a worrying five places due to its high levels of obesity, opioid epidemic and depression.
This year, the UN also measured happiness among immigrants for the first time and interestingly, there was a strong correlation between their happiness and that of the locally born population, with the top 10 happiest nations scoring the highest for immigrant happiness and Finland coming out on top.
So what have the Finns got right, and what can the rest of us learn from them? We asked a woman who's been living there for six years, 29-year-old Penny Polak, a marketing specialist and beauty blogger, to lift the lid on the country's secrets to a happy life.
"The healthcare system is great and you get five weeks of paid holiday"
"For quality of life, I'm not at all surprised that Finland would rank at the top of the list," Polak says. "The healthcare system is great, education is free, you get five weeks of paid holiday every year, sick leave is paid, maternity leave is guaranteed and paternity leave is encouraged."
"It's rare to hear about someone trying to 'play the system' or using state resources without any intention of eventually finding a job or a way to provide for themselves," says Polak. "I see the welfare state as a safety net – it's great to have in case I fall, and I know that I can take those career risks without worrying about being a burden on my family or falling through the cracks and finding myself in a compromised situation."
"There are very few barriers to achievement"
Penny Polak.
Far from a "nanny state" creating dependency among the population, Polak believes state assistance makes the Finnish population more independent, "because they have the freedom to go after what they want without fearing they'll end up on the streets if they fail and lose everything."
She continues: "I feel like I have a lot of opportunity and it's up to me to create a happy life for myself. I don't see a lot of obstacles in the way of that and feel that I have the resources to create a life I want."
"An egalitarian education system"
As Polak says, all schools are free, which also partly explains why many Finns believe the sky's the limit. Schools aren't allowed to charge fees and there are no private universities, so there's an egalitarian atmosphere when it comes to education and people feel they can achieve regardless of their background.
Finland therefore offers its population – and expats – a pretty sweet deal when it comes to tertiary education. Tuition fees don't exist, which will be a novel concept for anyone from the UK or US. Polak originally moved there to complete a (free) master's degree and was even given a monthly living stipend of €560 for the privilege.
"People are happy to pay their way"
Like the rest of Scandinavia, Finland has high levels of taxation but people generally recognise how they benefit from the system and don't complain about having to contribute. "I'm very happy to pay the level of taxes I pay for what I get, and have gotten, in return," says Polak. "I might feel different if I made more money because I'd be taxed a lot more, but I think the overall feeling in Finland is that our taxes are used for the betterment of society.
"It's not like in the US, where you're constantly being reassured that your tax dollars are 'at work'. Paying taxes is also very easy in Finland, a stark contrast to the nightmare that is filing taxes in the US."
"It's a safe place to be"
Many parents feel free to send their primary-school age children off to school by themselves and, as a woman, Polak describes feeling generally "very safe" there. "When something happens, it's in the news and everyone hears about it. So, while you do read about crime and bad things do happen, it's not nearly on the same level as some of the other countries I've lived in. I feel safe walking alone, even at night – sometimes I have to remind myself that it's a better idea not to walk alone."
"People don't really care about social class"
Class differences as signified through language and accent aren't as evident in Finland as they are in a country like the UK, for example, which is notoriously obsessed with wealth and social standing. "There's very little classism in Finland," says Polak. "Even if people do have money, they don't really show it off the way people do in other parts of the world. Every year, Finland's top earners' tax receipts are made public in major newspapers and tabloids.
"It's almost like it's frowned upon to make too much money, and you don't become famous just for having money. The terms 'socialite' or 'it girl' don't really have a place in Finland." That's as good a reason to emigrate as any.
But it's not all sunshine and rainbows
"It's definitely more difficult to meet people in Finland, which does make living here more challenging," Polak admits. "I also think there's a lot of room for improvement as far as diversity goes. Finland is a pretty homogeneous country, which probably contributes to why it does so well in areas like education. But I think that's starting to change."
Plastic waste is the devil. It's one of the biggest environmental scourges of the 21st century, as a recent underwater viral video laid bare, and thankfully moves are being made to reduce human consumption.
(You may take pride in your Instagrammable Swell bottle or cute glass BKR, but you're human and you've probably forgotten it once or twice and been forced to buy a bottle of Evian.)
However, you may want to seriously reconsider buying bottled water again – for the sake of your health as well as the environment. Small plastic particles – aka microplastics – have been found in bottled water around the world, meaning we've been ingesting plastic as well as throwing it away.
Which brands should you be wary of?
An investigation led by Orb Media found that 250 bottles bought in nine different countries, including from big-name brands like Evian, San Pellegrino, Aquafina and Nestle Pure Life, contained an average of 10 plastic particles per litre. All of which were larger than the width of a human hair. Let that sink in.
The full research report, provided to the BBC, makes for worrying reading and also names the international brand Dasani, as well as leading national brands including Aqua (Indonesia), Bisleri (India), Epura (Mexico), Gerolsteiner (Germany), Minalba (Brazil) and Wahaha (China).
The tests involved adding a dye to each bottle, filtering the dyed water and then counting the largest plastic particles (bigger than 100 microns). These were then analysed and confirmed as a particular type of plastic. There were even more smaller plastic particles found – an average of 314 per litre.
"When we think about the composition of the plastic, whether there might be toxins in it, to what extent they might carry harmful constituents, what actually the particles might do in the body – there's just not the research there to tell us," Bruce Gordon, coordinator of the WHO’s global work on water and sanitation, told BBC News.
In order to be able to define a 'safe' limit of plastic to be consumed, Gordon continued, "we need to understand if these things are dangerous, and if they occur in water at concentrations that are dangerous."
So while the risk of getting ill from water is greatest in countries where the supply can be contaminated by sewage, and the companies named in the study have stood by the quality of their products, it's time to really rethink the way we use plastic and consume water. We're starting by making an extra effort to remember to pack a reusable bottle before leaving the house.
Model Teddy Quinlivan came out as transgender last September, and since then she’s used her platform to encourage visibility and acceptance across the fashion industry. She’s been featured in magazine editorials and lookbooks and has walked in hundreds of shows — so many that The Fashion Spot’s spring 2018 diversity report attributed her New York Fashion Week casting to the boost in transgender runway appearances, from 18 to 45. “Selling super expensive clothing to rich people is fun,” Quinlivan said during a panel at the Gurls Talk festival with Teen Vogue and Coach on Sunday, British Vogue reports, “but getting to change the world and de-stigmatising what it means to be transgender is what's really important.”
In addition to breaking down those barriers, she’s speaking out on the fashion industry’s sexual harassment reckoning, sharing she had been sexually assaulted several times. “I've been sexually assaulted at work, outside of work by people I work with, and on a date. There's this sexual assault that happens in the workplace in fashion, and people write it off because it's a creative industry. Because we're creatives, and we're sexually free, your sexual assault doesn't matter... You signed up for it.”
Quinlivan thinks the fashion industry plays a major role in keeping sexual assault quiet. “These people protect each other,” she said. “They do it on a closed set. They do it surrounded by people who will never rat them out.” And it’s hard to speak out when rejecting the inappropriate behaviour could inadvertently mean rejecting future jobs. “A lot of times sexual assault does lead to opportunities, which is really sick and terrible and disgusting.”
The model's on-set experience came at the hands of a photographer. “That person was a hero of mine: someone who I looked up to, someone who I admired... I convinced myself that it was OK that he had done that to me, because I was going to get something out of it. When I didn't get [any opportunities], it was a really harsh awakening... I'm disappointed with him, but I was even more disappointed with myself that I let it happen to me. And I decided to take my power back.”
But speaking out is how we ultimately bring change, Quinlivan believes. “I'm telling this story because we can't let it happen anymore. Touching people inappropriately, saying inappropriate things to them, making people feel useless, making them feel like their body is the only thing they have to offer someone, it has to stop. And the way that we stop it is we change the culture. We have this conversation. We demand better.”
Images of the walkout were particularly arresting. Here you had thousands of young people, in many cases not even old enough to vote, demanding that policy makers finally take some action when it comes to gun violence. In some cases, students walked out even after facing opposition from their school's administration. Their message to lawmakers was clear: Enough.
In general, the walkouts across the U.S. lasted for 17 minutes, one for each of the Parkland victims. Most students stood defiantly and in silence, while some staged sit-ins or die-ins as part of the protest.
The National Walkout Day was only the beginning, however. Young people are set to take streets again nationwide for the March for Our Lives on March 24 and another national walkout on April 20, the anniversary of the Columbine shooting.
Ahead, a look at 17 of the most powerful signs from the National Walkout Day.
"Keep us safe in school."
"NRA be like."
"This is a school zone, not a war zone."
"Girls' clothing in school is more regulated than guns in America."
"Am I next?"
"Arms should be for hugging."
"17 is too many."
"You bet you're ass I'm voting."
"I want to read books, not eulogies."
"Thoughts and prayers don't stop bullets."
"Fear has no place in our schools."
"Mr. Pres, how many more kids will die?"
"Books, not bullets."
"#NeverAgain"
"Stop sending us to school to die."
"Fix this before I text my mom from under a desk."
"Columbine. Newton. Parkland. Enough."
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On Tuesday, Refinery29 reported that Leslie Gibson, a Republican candidate for House District 57 in Maine, called 18-year-old student activist Emma González a "skinhead lesbian" on Twitter and questioned her identity as a survivor of the Marjory Stoneman Douglas High School shooting. We also reported that he was running unopposed.
Well, not anymore. Eryn Gilchrist, a 28-year-old Bates College graduate who lives in Greene, ME, and works for a medical device company, filed her paperwork on Thursday — the deadline for Democratic and Republican candidates to file in the state. The election will be held on November 6, 2018.
According to the local Sun Journal, the Democrat had never anticipated running for office, but she felt so "horrified and embarrassed" by Gibson's statements that she decided to throw her hat into the ring.
"I never thought I would run for office, and I was perfectly content with just remaining a member of the community, but after reading Mr. Gibson’s comments I thought that the people of Greene and Sabattus deserved a representative who will respect people and try to work through their differences to make our lives better," Gilchrist said in a statement issued by the Maine Democratic Party. "That’s what I pledge to do if I am lucky enough to be elected, and I look forward to working hard over the next several months to earn the trust and support of people throughout my community."
"We could not be happier to have Eryn run," Maine House Speaker Sara Gideon said in a statement. "She is a concerned member of her community who cares about the future of her neighbors — and, like many other Democrats across Maine, she's now stepping up to help them." The Lewiston Democratic Committee has set up a contribution page for Gilchrist, and the campaign now has a Twitter account.
After Gibson's tweet, Democrats immediately called for a challenger to him on account of his statements.
Secretly considering a run for State House Rep. in #Maine’s 57th district? Let #LeslieGibson’s tweets be your tipping point- because he’s the only declared candidate. (D/R party candidates must have their signatures submitted by Thursday). #mepoliticshttps://t.co/Xuw2g4SLfQ
David Hogg, another Parkland, FL, student activist, tweeted, "Hey friends in Maine! Who wants to run against this hate-loving politician? ... I don’t care what party. JUST DO IT."
Looks like Gilchrist answered the call.
Hey freinds in Maine! Who wants to run against this hate loving politician he's is running UNOPPOSED RUN AGAINST HIM I don't care what party JUST DO IT. https://t.co/vRR7p1ZHKf
There's plenty of research to suggest that too much social media use can be linked to mental health problems like anxiety and depression. One study from 2017 even suggests that Instagram is the worst app for your mental health because the endless parade of photos makes it easier to compare your own life to the perfectly filtered images on your feed. With that in mind, it's no wonder why so many of us gravitate towards digital detoxes to clear our heads.
Sure, social media's effect on your mental health depends on your personal history and the way you use your apps. But even when your Instagram feed really is overwhelming you, it can be hard to put down your phone or even delete your account — and you shouldn't have to.
Larry Rosen, PhD, a research psychologist who explores our relationship with technology, says that as humans, we have an innate need to communicate, and technology has thankfully made it easier. That's not a bad thing, and if you find yourself bogged down or overwhelmed by your social media feed, there are healthy habits you can adopt to make your time online more positive, without having to go completely off the radar. Read on for a few expert-backed tips.
If you are experiencing depression and need support, please call Mind on 0300 123 3393.
Getting notifications every time someone likes or comments on your post ensures that you don't miss anything, but Dr. Rosen says that those distracting alerts can fuel your anxiety.
Whether you get notifications from social media apps or even news apps, it's drawing your attention to your phone when you're not actively devoting time to those apps (and possibly when you should be doing something else).
"What [the notification] does biochemically is that it kicks up a chemical reaction that’s linked to anxiety, and the anxiety reaches such a level that you have to check in," he says.
In reality, you probably don't need to see your friend's comment on your Instagram story right now. Instant communication can be a beautiful thing, but it couldn't hurt to turn on the "do not disturb " setting, every now and then, to give yourself a break.
"You have to make it harder for yourself, so it seems like it takes more effort [to check in]," he says.
Reorganising your apps only makes it slightly harder to check in with your feed, but "out of sight, out of mind" still applies.
illustrated by Paola Delucca.
Set aside some scrolling time.
If you can't stop compulsively checking your feed, Dr. Rosen suggests actually setting aside time specifically to look through your apps. Whether it's five minutes every hour or 15 minutes every other hour, set an alarm for how much time you're going to give yourself to scroll. The key is to keep to your set time, and not allow yourself to peek when the alarm has already gone off.
"Once you do that, you start to realise you were wasting a lot of time, and that you don’t need to [look] every hour," Dr. Rosen says.
The goal, he says, is to be able to make it so that you're checking in less often, and not scrolling all throughout the day. That way, when you do look through your feed, it's more conscious, instead of something you do mindlessly.
illustrated by Paola Delucca.
Be conscious about your "likes."
Speaking of mindful scrolling, Dr. Rosen also says that it's helpful to pay attention to what posts you like and why. Did you give that Instagram post a like because you actually like it, or because double-tapping is now as second-nature to you as scrolling?
"Once that like button’s there, you click it almost mindlessly," he says. "Then you feel like you have to like everyone’s post."
We're not saying that you have to withhold your likes, but Dr. Rosen is onto something: feeling as if you need to like (almost) every post you come across can become a vicious cycle that keeps you tethered to your phone screen.
illustrated by Paola Delucca.
Unfollow (or mute) people if you have to.
Trying to limit your social media use is one way to make your time online a little easier on your mental health, but if that isn't quite cutting it, it might be time to trim your follow list.
Dr. Rosen says that it might help to unfollow accounts that are making you feel down about yourself — and if it's too awkward to unfollow someone you personally know, try muting them. You may not be able to mute someone's Instagram posts, but the fact that you can now mute Instagram stories is kind of a lifesaver.
In fact, it could be helpful to go through your follow list just to make sure you're only following accounts and people that actually bring you joy.
illustrated by Paola Delucca.
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In the latest instalment of the depressing gender pay gap saga, it has emerged that ITN, the news and multimedia productioncompany which makes news programmes for ITV, Channel 4 and Channel 5, pays men an average of 19.6% more than women.
ITN's Gender Pay report, published on the government's website today, shows an average gap of 77.2% between men and women when it comes to bonuses.
The report states the pay gap is mainly caused by fewer women in many of the senior leadership roles across the company. Of ITN’s top 20 earners, only three are women.
Here young journalist Katie Wilson, who worked for ITN, tells us about her own experience when she found out she, and the man sitting next to her, asked for more money...
"When I worked at ITN I asked for a pay rise. I asked for it at the same time as a male colleague who was doing exactly the same job as me. Both of us were filling in for a more senior colleague, doing the same work, the same number of hours and taking on the same amount of extra responsibility. After job sharing for three months, we decided to ask for more money. We did it together as we thought there was a better chance of the bosses saying yes, and by that point we’d both proved we could do the job.
My male colleague simply fired off an email to HR, and a few days later the deal was done – an extra £3,000 in his pocket. He told me our acting boss, who we were filling in for, said he should check his emails, hinting his raise had been approved. Meanwhile, my pay rise was turned down. I couldn’t understand it. I’d done exactly the same thing as my colleague. We’d emailed HR like our boss had told us to.
In fact, I’d gone one step further and asked for a meeting with HR to put my case for wanting more money forward. I was shocked when the response I got back was they still wanted me to do the work, but wouldn’t be paying me an extra penny.
I already knew my male colleague had been offered more money, so I’d assumed it would only be a few days before my raise would also be approved. When I brought this up with my boss and HR, the reason they gave was he had "done a few extra shifts than me". It’s true, he had started doing some shifts first, but only by a couple of weeks as I’d been on annual leave at the time. At the point we asked for more money there was absolutely no difference in the amount of work or hours we were doing. My boss then said he wanted me to continue doing the work as I was “one of the most valued members of the team”, but he would understand if I didn’t want to. I was in a catch-22 situation. I could have just refused to do the shifts and gone back to my normal duties – but then I’d be taking myself out of the game. I’d worked hard to climb the ladder. I wasn’t about to let my colleague get ahead.
It wasn’t to do with the quality of my work, as my boss had said as much. Although I certainly didn’t feel like a “valued” member of staff by this point. It wasn’t to do with experience, as my colleague was younger than me (I was 31 and he was 27). He also had fewer years in the job. I’ve been in my job for nearly 10 years now. He must have at least two years’ less experience than me. He also started at the company 18 months after me. So why were we being treated differently?
I felt completely sidelined. I knew I was good at my job, so the fact they wanted me to continue doing the work without properly paying me for it was a kick in the teeth. It wasn’t my male colleague’s fault so I wasn’t mad at him. But how my boss and HR behaved just made no sense. I’m sure my boss had got a pay rise in his new position as acting head of our team – so why was I the only one getting nothing extra for doing more work? It came across as a ‘jobs for the boys’ moment – something that still very much exists in my experience – and I felt I had clearly been excluded.
It was only by chance a female colleague mentioned there were ‘Lean In ’ style meetings happening in our office that might be helpful to me. I got in touch with the woman who ran them – who turned out to be very senior in our company – and she agreed to see me. Over the course of the next couple of weeks we had several meetings as she looked into my case. By the end of the third week she had resolved the issue completely. She told me I had been treated unfairly, that my boss had shown bad management – and I even got an apology. My pay was put in line with my male colleague’s and backdated to the time when he got his raise – a whole five months beforehand.
Illustration: Abbie Winters
Equal pay was starting to become a very hot topic in the news then. I don’t know if that gave the company a nudge to address the issue, but I got my pay rise shortly after that. However, if I hadn't taken it to top management, my company would just have got away with it. In hindsight, I now know I could have spoken to a number of senior female colleagues in my office, but I didn’t directly work with them or realise their door was open to me at the time.
There must be thousands of young women out there being treated like I was. But until office culture changes, no matter what we do, it will just keep happening again and again. I’m no longer working for the company, but when I read about ITN's Gender Pay Report today, I felt I had to say something and I'm glad I have."
In response to the shocking figures, ITN CEO John Hardie made this comment: “In common with many companies our gender pay gap is mainly caused by having fewer women than men in senior leadership roles and we know that we have to work even harder to address this. We are putting in place tough targets, including halving our pay gap within five years, alongside initiatives that will empower and support women in order to progress their careers. Solving these long-term issues will not happen overnight but ITN is committed to tackling the root causes in order to provide a culture in which everyone’s voice is heard and the path to the top is open to all.”
It's a generally-held belief that once you go to therapy or counselling, you'll be able to sort out your issues with a therapist, who will give you a diagnosis and begin treating you accordingly.
Yes, therapy is designed for you to work out issues, and the linear path of diagnosis and then treatment might be some people's experiences, but it's actually common for your therapist not to bring up a diagnosis.
Matt Lundquist, LCSW, a psychotherapist based in New York City, says that while therapy has traditionally taken a medicinal approach — in which doctors diagnose a patient and then go about using medicine to treat that diagnosis — some therapists opt to work on a non-diagnostic approach, where they look at a patient's health beyond a specific set of symptoms tied to an illness.
"Some therapists take a position that in certain circumstances, [the medicinal approach is] actually not the best way to proceed — that thinking about things in the language of diagnosis when it comes to people’s emotional problems is much too limiting, " he says.
At his own practice, Lundquist says that while he isn't against diagnosing a patient, it actually only happens about 10% of the time.
In fact, he says that he tends to steer away from diagnosing because the Diagnostic and and Statistical Manual of Mental Disorders (DSM), the standards by which doctors diagnose mental health disorders, doesn't encapsulate everyone's emotional problems (even though it gets updated every year).
"The DSM and diagnosis tends to present itself with a really heavy authority," he says. "It puts itself out there that this is the truth. It's really important that people understand that it might be a truth, and it might even be a very useful truth that really resonates with them, but that doesn’t mean that’s the only way they can be seen and understood."
That being said, sometimes hearing a doctor give you a diagnosis can be a huge relief, and a step towards helping you understand yourself better. But, Lundquist says that there are specific situations where a diagnosis is helpful and some situations where it isn't.
"It's really important that people understand that [diagnosis] isn't the only way they can be seen and understood."
"When I do [give a diagnosis], it’s because I think [the patient] would benefit from feeling like the set of experiences they have is experienced by other people," Lundquist says. For example, he says that someone who may have bipolar disorder and experience manic episodes could benefit from knowing their diagnosis.
"There are instances where there is a level of seriousness in what’s going on with somebody that they’re not fully grasping, and so it’s helpful to lean on the authority of diagnosis and the institution behind it to convey to somebody," he says.
Other times, a therapist may have a diagnosis in mind that they choose not to share, but it's not about withholding anything from a patient.
"There are some times when I think it might be useful to me, but it might not be useful to the patient," he says. "I think a lot of things in the context of work with patients. I share only a percentage of them and that’s not to be withholding, but I make decisions about what I think is going to be most useful."
Outside of the non-diagnostic approach, Lundquist says there may be times when a diagnosis, such as borderline personality disorder, is so stigmatised online and even among some psychiatrists and psychotherapists that telling a patient is rarely useful, because doing so could cause them to look up the disorder and find pessimistic and discouraging information.
Lundquist says that the lack of a diagnosis doesn't usually get in the way of treatment, but if you're more comfortable getting a more straightforward answer from your therapist, that's something you should bring up during your sessions.
"The relationship [between a patient and therapist] is important, and healing takes place in that context," he says.
At the end of the day, your relationship with your therapist is just that: a relationship that requires communication. If there's something you're not happy with, you should absolutely voice it, or even find a new therapist if you don't think your current one is the right fit. Just know that if your therapist hasn't given you your diagnosis, it doesn't mean they're trying to be cagey.
"People are incredibly complicated, and we can’t be boiled down to half a dozen symptoms," Lundquist says. "And our treatment can't be boiled down to a particular protocol, that might have come out of a university six years ago, about how to treat [those symptoms]."
Netflix’s last attempt at hip-hop history didn’t go as planned. The Get Down, which released its first season in two parts in 2016 and 2017, was canceled last summer. The news came as a shock to some, who celebrated the show for its fresh perspective on the origins of a complicated genre that has grown into a global phenomenon. While I enjoyed characters and storylines in The Get Down, I thought that it would have been better suited as a movie instead of stretched out over entire series. And while it make a clear connection between hip-hop’s founding and the LGBTQ+ disco scene of the ‘70s, the series also lacked a female perspective.
It looks like the Netflix gods noticed that slight, and they have now blessed us with Roxanne Roxanne, a biopic about the early life of Roxanne Shanté, rap’s first female star. Produced by Pharrell Williams, Forest Whitaker, Mimi Valdes, and Nina Yang Bongiovi, Roxanne Roxanne was screened at this year’s Sundance Film Festival, and will be available to stream on Netflix on March 23. The film isn’t just an account of one woman in hip-hop. It’s about how the lived experiences of Black and brown people, including women, were always the heartbeat of rap. As such, it’s not the narrative about female rappers that we’re used to, but we definitely need it.
Today, we look to female rappers to be bosses. Fans check for the records they break, the charts they top, and the Louboutins they wear as evidence that women belong in hip-hop, too. Nicki Minaj’s pop crossover and Cardi B.’s chart-breaking success stories sell us on glitz and glamour We like their humble beginnings, not for what they reveal about the relationship that these women have with music and hip-hop, but because they make their achievements seem even greater. Conversations about women in rap are often a dialogue about ‘firsts,’ ‘bests,’ and ‘greatests.’ Afterall, Roxanne Shanté was the first big female name in rap, and that’s likely why she got the biopic treatment. But an unfortunate side effect of this narrow focus on only the height of femcee careers is that we miss out on the role that Black women play in shaping hip-hop history as a whole.
Born Lolita Shanté Gooden, Roxanne Shanté (played by Chanté Adams) grew up in the Queensbridge Projects in New York and took a liking to freestyle rapping when the art form was still in its infancy. She watched her mother Peggy (Nia Long), fall into depression and alcoholism after being scammed out of $20,000 by her boyfriend. As a result, Shanté was often charged with taking care of her young siblings and clashed with Peggy when she tried to impose strict rules on her. Shanté took on adult responsibilities, which included trying to make money to support herself and her sisters at a very young age. She stole clothes and sold them. She helped out her cousin’s drug business, sometimes foregoing school to prioritise her coin. All the while, she cradled a talent and interest in rapping, the local art form that would later sweep the world.
Shanté’s burgeoning career was nearly over before it took off thanks to the men around her. Her abusive older boyfriend, with whom she had a child; her DJ, who tried to control how she expressed her sexuality; and her manager, who likely stole a portion of the money she made touring. Even in its infancy, hip-hop reflected the reality that misogynoir made life harder for Black women, and that is one of the understated lessons of Roxanne, Roxanne. We can’t talk about misogyny and sexism in hip hop without looking at how those things impact Black women’s lives both within and outside of the industry.
In addition to memorable performances from Long, Mahershala Ali, and breakout star Chanté Adams, Roxanne, Roxanne is groundbreaking because it makes us take a hard look at the things we would rather quickly move on from.
I have this yappy voice in my head. I call her Sheryl Wintour. Sheryl is a high-flyer with a designer shoe and handbag collection. She wakes up every day at 6am for spin followed by a kombucha shot. She owns a successful creative agency, has already published her first book to critical acclaim, invested in not one but two tech startups and owns a house in Peckham Rye. Oh, and she’s only 30.
Sheryl berates me regularly. “Stop being so average!” she barks. “You need to up your game! Look at all your successful friends owning businesses, winning awards, getting column inches and six-figure salaries. Look at the girls on Instagram, with their 100k+ followers and their ridiculously beautiful faces and clothes and lives. Don’t you want to be like them?”
I’m trying Sheryl, really; I’m trying.
When I was born I was the average size for a baby girl: 7.2lb of chubby cheeks and innocence. I went to an average comprehensive school in a small, average town in Somerset. I got average GCSE results, went to an average university and got a marginally above average 2:1 degree. At 10.7 stone, I am the average weight for a woman of my height and earn an average UK salary of £28,000 per annum.
So why is it, then, that I can’t accept being average?
Social media has led us to believe that we should all be in the process of becoming the next big thing. When I stare blankly at my phone, scrolling through Instagram as if it were the oracle of knowledge, I feel overwhelmed by the pressure to be… exceptional. As millennials, we feel we’re entitled to success, that we deserve to be achievers and that at some point, we’re going to be. And why wouldn’t we? This is, after all, the message we get fed every day.
There are over 9 million pictures on Instagram tagged #girlboss. Of course I’m all for female empowerment and equality in the workplace, and all-female boards of directors should be top of the agenda. But what happens when this message starts to overload? When it starts to make the rest of us feel like failures because we don’t meet the girlboss criteria? If every woman were a girlboss, no one would have a team!
Mal, a teaching assistant, told me that turning 30 was a lightbulb moment for her. She had spent the previous six years of her life working in fashion and feeling inadequate. “That paired with my constant battle with depression, set me on a course of rediscovery. And a re-evaluation of what mattered,” she explained. “I started making significant changes in the way I measured my success. One of the first things I did was to stop scrolling through Facebook timelines and measuring my success by what I saw. I decided I needed to be able to relate to my reflection first and foremost.” She decided she would stop letting society dictate what success looked like. “I am successful in my own right,” she proclaimed, “despite not owning my own home or being at the so-called 'top of my game' at work. But I have discovered happiness with who I am and within myself, a feeling that gets me up every morning. For that I am grateful.”
The truth is that most of us are average. For every Sheryl Sandberg there are thousands of entrepreneurs who don’t get the investment they’re after. For every Meryl Streep there are thousands of actresses who will never win an Oscar, let alone star in a feature film, and for every J.K. Rowling there are tons of desperate writers, like me, trying to forge a career and who will probably never, no matter how hard they work, get their book published. We can’t all look like Cara Delevingne, sing like Beyoncé, run like Jessica Ennis-Hill or make money like Natalie Massenet. These women are the exceptions to the rule, not the other way around. We tend to forget this, and punish ourselves for not fitting the #girlboss stereotype, while simultaneously criticising our peers for being too “basic”.
#Basicbitch has become the worst insult to bestow on another woman. It simultaneously puts down one type of woman while elevating another. It assumes that certain women – those who are hip, cool and ahead of the trends – are somehow better, more worthy of respect and a celebrated position within society. And to top it all off, it's only ever used by women to describe another woman; never once have I heard a lad mate utter the words, "Eurgh, she's so basic".
Isn't it about time we started reclaiming the term and owning our basic-ness a bit more? I’m not saying we should all drop what we’re doing and give up on our dreams. But when our best efforts don’t match up to the goal we had in mind, should we accept being average? Maybe by accepting our averageness, the pressure to succeed might dissipate. Our thoughts, rather than screaming at us that we are failures, will instead find clarity, space and energy to develop, and in turn, so will we.
Slowly a new voice is creeping into my consciousness. Katie Collins. Katie likes pumpkin spiced lattes, the Kardashians and wearing onesies. Her favourite word is 'literally', closely followed by 'totes'. She has a nine-to-five job (not 'career') in an office a short commute from her flat. She spends her weekends brunching, having her gel nails reapplied and watching Strictly on the sofa, curled up with a Domino's. Katie is content and happy.
“You are enough,” she whispers. “You are enough.”
Like what you see? How about some more R29 goodness, right here?
Alexa Chung has the Midas touch. Following collaborations with AG Jeans and Marks & Spencer, she launched her eponymous brand in 2017 to much fanfare and critical acclaim. Whenever her followers are able to snap up a slice of her 1960s-siren-meets-English-teddy-boy style, they do – fast – and suddenly we're all wearing vinyl trench coats with Mary Janes, or a Mick Jagger-esque pastel suit over a pussy bow blouse.
With news of her first collaboration with Superga, you can expect your shoe collection to grow in size, too. She first began working with the brand in 2011, as an ambassador, and now for SS18 she's designed an exclusive capsule collection and starred in the spring campaign, which was shot in LA.
"My mother wore Supergas when I was growing up, so for me they’ve always been a classic shoe and something I have incorporated into my daily wardrobe for years now," a statement from Chung read. "It has been wonderful to return to this brand as a designer working on a collaboration for this season because in the past Superga were one of the first companies to let me art direct a campaign for them. It feels a lot like coming home.”
She's reinterpreted and refreshed the classic Superga silhouette – the 2750, mid cut and mule styles – adding fabrics like varnish, satin, cotton and terry towel, in shades like off-white, burgundy and sky blue. With a style for every occasion, there's a shoe to see you through spring and beyond.
Click through to see how we're styling Alexachung x Superga this season.
Superga 2295 Alexachung Cotu, £80, available at Superga
Topshop Heavy Petal Chuck On Dress, £49, available at Topshop
Milk Tooth x Maria-Ines Gul Flower Earrings, £48, available at Milk Tooth
Shrimps Venezia Pink Bag, £450, available at Shrimps
Superga 2492 Alexachung Satin Blue, £75, available at Superga
Uniqlo Premium Linen Long Sleeve Shirt, £29.90, available at Uniqlo
M.i.h Jeans Daily High-Rise Slim-Leg Jeans, £215, available at Matches Fashion
Oliver Bonas Caramel Tortoise Hair Clips, £18, available at Oliver Bonas
Superga 2750 Alexachung Varnish Black, £80, available at Superga
Uterque Shirt-Style Jumpsuit, £180, available at Uterque
Staud Grace Crushed-Velvet Tote, £210, available at Net-A-Porter
Simone Rocha Crystal-Embellished Hair Clip, £120, available at My Theresa
Superga 2750 Alexachung Varnish Off-White, £80, available at Superga
Alexachung Oversize Dungarees, £345, available at Alexachung
Comme des Garçons Play Striped T-Shirt, £100, available at Dover Street Market
Superga 2493 Alexachung Satin Burgundy, £85, available at Superga
Uterque Gem Button Dress, £180, available at Uterque
Simon Miller Bonsai 20 Leather Bag, £575, available at Luisaviaroma
Superga 2493 Alexachung Satin Off-White, £85, available at Superga
