Anyone who has periods can tell you about the day-to-day impact on moods, energy levels, sex drive and food cravings. But research increasingly suggests that menstruation may affect our entire system, creating cycles in our overall health, susceptibility to illness, and the symptoms we exhibit.
A paper published by Oxford University, in collaboration with female health and period-tracking app Clue, showed that susceptibility to infection is higher during the second (luteal) phase of the hormonal cycle. Researchers also found that scientists studying diseases observed different symptoms depending on where their female participants were in the menstrual cycle.
Dr Alexandra Alvergne is associate professor of anthropology at Oxford and co-authored the paper. The menstrual cycle, she explains, is itself a cycle of immunity. The immune system is suppressed during ovulation to allow sperm to enter. It then kicks in again in order to shed the lining of the uterus. It makes sense, therefore, that our health would be affected by these changes.
"The whole function of the menstrual cycle is to produce cyclical patterns of immunity so actually we would be better to think of female health as cyclical," says Dr Alvergne.
Science still doesn’t see periods as a significant factor in the study of female health. In a 1939 paper entitled "The Degree of Normal Menstrual Irregularity", biologist Leslie Brainerd Arey wrote: "Scientific curiosity was quick to invade almost every aspect of human behavior, yet it long neglected this most obvious one." Almost 80 years later, not much has changed.
"Even now I write a research application on PMS and I think 'Will this be taken seriously?'" says Dr Alvergne.
Failure to acknowledge the impact of the hormonal cycle on symptoms makes it harder to identify diseases and can delay diagnosis, says the paper. So why is there so little research into it? It’s tempting to cry patriarchy and, while Dr Alvergne agrees that male domination of the sciences is part of the picture, it isn’t the only factor.
"It’s difficult to study," she acknowledges. "Previously you’d have to get women to come in and report and that’s an unreliable method."
Dr Virginia J. Vitzthum, a senior scientist at the Kinsey Institute, professor of anthropology at Indiana University and director of scientific research at Clue says that Western medicine is primarily concerned with correcting deviations, rather than investigating them.
"Western medicine is focussed on fixing the body. It’s not particularly concerned with how the body got that way," she says.
Outside of its role in baby-making, medicine largely ignores menstruation, seeing it merely as a complication. Many prescription drugs are not tested on women for exactly that reason. While this may sound shocking, Dr Vitzthum says it is born out of a need for tightly controlled clinical trials rather than a disregard for the impact of drugs on female health.
"Pharmaceutical companies wanted to have clean results on their drugs assessments. They were fully aware of the possibility of the menstrual cycle to affect the results and they needed to control for that," she says.
Ironically, this points to an acknowledgment of the hormonal cycle and its significance for symptoms and side-effects. Dr Vitzthum describes it as the "double-edged sword" of science’s approach to periods. Just as it is detrimental to ignore the menstrual cycle, it is also not helpful to dismiss unusual symptoms as "women’s troubles".
"The danger in assuming that everything is attributable to the menstrual cycle is that you miss serious conditions. At the same time we haven’t investigated this real aspect of biology or acknowledged it as part of the framework."
Both Dr Vitzthum and Dr Alvergne are hopeful that things are changing. Technological innovations such as wearable devices and smart apps mean we can record information about ourselves and our cycles in real time. Tech also makes it easier to analyse data and take a more personalised approach to treatment.
Dr Vitzthum says: "The fact that there are more female doctors has also helped. They have been pushing the envelope and successfully gathering data and treating their patients as individuals, because they understand the experience of being individual."
But it is the demand from the public that will really drive the research, says Dr Alvergne.
"If people become more aware of these things and request to know more, that can help drive research. It would be great to get the questions from the bottom up. What matters to individuals, what do they want to know?" she says.
This is starting to happen, with around 70% of us actively tracking our health indicators or symptoms. And a survey of people who track their periods showed that many do it in order to better understand their bodies at different cycle phases and to inform their conversations with healthcare providers.
"Women themselves are now more likely to speak up and say to their doctor, 'This hormonal contraception does not work for me'," says Dr Vitzthum.
"It’s critical for each woman to know her own body. Rather than measuring yourself against some medical ideal, you need to know your own pattern."
If we want science to take our periods seriously, we need to start doing so too.
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Netflix's hit show Queer Eye is full of important lessons — be open to new experiences, don't be afraid to express yourself, remember to take care of yourself — yet, the one thing many viewers held onto most long after binge-watching its first two seasons is that Antoni Porowski is obsessed with avocados.
Though this fact has become the source of many a meme and viral tweet, Porowski isn't going to apologise for his feelings about the special green fruit. In fact, he's taking his love a step further. In his latest brand partnership, Porowski is teaming up with with Wholly Guacamole. In honour of National Guac Day on September 16, we chatted with Porowski about why people have such strong opinions about avocados. Plus, he shared some details about the next season of Queer Eye, his new restaurant, and the Fab Five's coffee orders.
What is your strategy for picking out avocados? "There’s a trick to test steak to know if it’s medium-rare, rare, medium, or well-done. You take your finger and you touch the joint of your thumb, and that’s what texture should be like. If you take your pinkie and you touch where your thumb joint is, it presses down, but it’s really still nice and firm. That’s actually the perfect test for avocados."
What are your favorite ways to eat avocados? "I have so many. One I use to get at my favourite smoothie place in Montreal when I was a student. It’s a Lebanese way where they take this really concentrated yogurt and add all kinds of fresh fruit like papaya and mango and avocados. The texture was so nice and creamy, and it really adds a beautiful brightness and colour."
Some fans have kind of poked fun at your avocado obsession. Is this partnership a way of reclaiming your avocado narrative? "I don’t disagree that it is. I obviously love avocados. In the show, they put two episodes in a row where I prepared something with avocados and it became this whole thing. You never know what’s going to get a lot of attention. I think avocados for me are the equivalent to Tan France ’s French tuck, which we didn’t think was a thing but quickly became the source of many memes and discussion."
In 2015, people reacted very strongly when the New York Times published a recipe for Green Pea Guacamole. Why do you think people feel so strongly about this particular dish? "I respect opinions. Just like certain parts of our bodies, everyone’s got one. I understand an appreciation for tradition, but you want to stay open-minded. It’s not we’re putting chocolate in it, it’s something that actually makes sense. Also, peas are freaking delicious. They’re one of my favourite ingredient in the world. I have a very strong emotional reaction to them because when I was a broke student, I would have frozen peas with a bit of nice finishing salt and a bit of olive oil or butter, and it was a delicious meal. Some people, when they’ve only had something a certain way, don’t want to see it changed or bastardised or made completely differently, and I get that, but at least try it and then tell me that it’s not good."
"My whole Greek yogurt in guacamole thing caused an uproar — not quite worthy of a reaction from Obama but people freaked out about that. I’m sorry, but I still stand by it. It’s added protein, it makes it creamier if your avocados are a little oily and you want to balance it out, but I’m not the first person to invent that. ABC Cocina, probably one of the most respected restaurants in the city by one of the most important chefs of our time, Jean-George, they do a pea guacamole, and he seems to be doing okay. Be adventurous."
What are the top five things you usually buy at the supermarket? "I try to keep everything as fresh and simple as I possibly can."
"1. I love my cheese, and there’s a nice group of Polish farms in Vermont that have a co-op, and they do these really nice little sharp cheddar slices that are individually packed.
"2. I love Medjool Dates. They’re sweet and amazing with a bit of chunky peanut butter and some nice finishing salt. That’s a perfect little afternoon bite.
"3. Legit, Wholly Guac. The chunky is awesome to have. Full disclosure, I have eaten it like a soup. Not that it has that consistency, but where I just peel away the wrapper and eat it with a spoon. If you have leftover tortillas, you know the little crumbs at the end of the bag? Take those and just sprinkle them over the open container and just eat it like a little avocados tartar.
"4. Next, almonds. My two favourite kinds are Marcona almond, which are the fancy Spanish ones. They don’t have skins and they’re really sweet and they’re shaped like little baby sand dollars. The other ones that are really nice are Tamari almonds. They have a bit of a saltiness.
"5. Something that I always have at home always, always, always is fresh lemon. Whether I’m making a salad, if I’m roasting fish or roasting some veggies or even like a root mash, I use grated lemon peel on a micro-plane. There’s so much flavour in the skin itself, and it flavours the dish without watering things down. Lemon zest, can wake up any dish. And, what’s nice is that when you remove the zest and you only have the pith, it’s a lot easier to squeeze all of the juices out, so it’s kind of like a double whammy."
You are about to open a restaurant. Will any avocado dishes be on the menu? "For the restaurant, in my first round of preparing everything, I actually didn’t have avocados and it wasn’t that much of a conscientious choice — or, maybe it was. Maybe I was still a little hurt over the whole Greek yogurt and guac thing (laughing). But, it will be featured in a way that’s really classic and not too controversial. There is a little, I like to say, Polish element added to what I think avocados should have."
Can you reveal anything about the recipes you'll be teaching in the on the upcoming season of Queer Eye? "I will say that I’m doing my very best to continue honouring the needs of our heroes. Casting has really pushed the envelope on inclusivity. I thought I knew what that was, but they’ve taken it to the next level, and they’re really making it something else. Sometimes it’s going to be a little bit more simplistic because that’s what our hero needs and sometimes it’s going to be a lot more elaborate and complex. I’m trying to leave my ego out of it as much as I possibly can, but I will say, that I have pushed and actually have been encouraged in a really lovely way to cook a lot more as well, which is so difficult to do in a segment that’s often a minute and a half to two minutes long to show a whole recipe. I don’t think that’s been done successfully on television yet, but we’re going to try here because it’s Netflix and it’s Queer Eye and yeah, why the hell not?"
What is the proudest you’ve ever been of a Queer Eye contestant? "Corey, he was the cop in season one. I know that episode is referenced a lot but rightfully so because it had a really profound effect on a lot of people. He wanted to learn how to eat healthier, but at the same time, he wasn’t someone who was going to create these elaborate molecular gastronomy feasts for his family, so I wanted to start him off with something really simple. I just showed him avocado and grapefruit...The way that he was so focused and intent on getting it right and just impressing his sweet little girls, I thought that was so beautiful...I felt how much love he must have for them to want to do that."
It’s officially PSL season again. Are you a fan? If not, what’s your go-to fall coffee order? "Look, I don’t hate it, but I don’t have the craziest sweet tooth, and I feel like a lot of those are just so over-sugared. It’s the type of thing that I would have a tiny sampler of, but could not drink the whole thing. My coffee order in the winter is black hot coffee with nothing in it. In the summer, it’s cold brew or iced coffee. No milk. No sugar. I keep it really simple."
Do you know the other Fab Five’s coffee orders? "Do I?! I know way too much about those guys. Let’s break it down. Tan: Tall Pike, heavy cream, one and a half sugars. Jonathan: Venti Blonde with heavy cream, no sugars. Bobby: Venti iced latte, two pumps sugar-free vanilla, skim milk. Karamo: Coca-Cola. I’ve never seen coffee touch his lips. He’ll have a coke every now and then and that’s it."
This interview has been edited for length and clarity.
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Quality time with loved ones is one of the highlights of the autumn and winter months for many people: cosy pub lunches with friends, family get-togethers and, of course, Christmas parties. Mango is bringing this closeness to the fore in its latest campaign, with help from some well known faces.
Activist and model Adwoa Aboah stars alongside her cousin, singer and model Alewya Demmisse, and model sister, Kesewa Aboah in the brand's stunning AW18 campaign, "TOGETHER", shot by Mario Sorrenti, which centres around family, love, diversity and commitment.
Photo: courtesy of mango
Not only are the trio making us want to plan our winter wardrobes immediately (hello, '70s-inspired snake print skirt), they're giving us serious family envy. When Refinery29 UK asked Alewya and Kesewa to pick their favourite items from the collection, Kesewa plumped for the blue c heckered wool-blend coat (£149.99) she wore in the campaign ("That's definitely becoming part of my wardrobe very soon"), while Alewya said any of the brand's faux-fur coats would make an ideal autumn outfit ("They can be worn with anything and you look great and are snug").
Alewya also said she'd give the brand's bow leather gloves (£19.99) to a female friend or family member to make them feel loved during the colder months. Kesewa, meanwhile, told us she'd go for a piece of the brand's jewellery or a handbag.
Photo: courtesy of mango.
The AW18 line boasts several chunky-knit sweaters (we love the red one worn by Alewya in the campaign), long-sleeved and round-neck pieces, flared jeans and ‘70s-inspired animal prints, in a predominantly autumnal, ochre-heavy colour palette.
The trio and their group of friends appear to be as close off camera as they seem in the campaign shots. It was while "dancing with [her] sisters and having a big ol’ hug in the middle of the dance floor at a recent party" that Kesewa felt the most loved recently; while Alewya has fond memories of spending her recent birthday with friends and family. "I was in London and able to catch up with all my crew."
Gifts and parties are great, obviously, but showing commitment to loved ones is so much more important, the cousins told us. "It's about showing up for someone, being there when they need you, and when they don’t even expect it," said Kesewa. "Taking the time to know someone intricately and to understand them fully." For Alewya it's even more fundamental: "Honesty, integrity and more honesty."
The campaign also stars Adrien Brody with his dog, models Amber Valletta and Carolyn Murphy, and stylists Zoe Bedeaux and Helena Tejedor, among other famous faces, as well as photographer Sorrenti's own sister and her husband. A true family affair.
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Every human being has a genetic predisposition for something. For some of us, it's acne. For others, it's anxiety. But for Zoë Kravitz, it's being inherently cool.
Just because Zoë is the daughter of Lisa Bonet, our TV style icon through the decades, and four-time Grammy Award winner Lenny Kravitz doesn't mean she's ever relied on her lineage to gain influence. In fact, she's earned that all on her own as the lead singer of her own band, Lolawolf, and by starring in HBO's hit series Big Little Lies and in the upcoming sequel Fantastic Beasts: The Crimes of Grindelwald. On top of all that, the 29-year-old actress was recently named the face of YSL Beauty's fragrance Black Opium.
In celebration of the fragrance's newest campaign, we sat down with Kravitz to talk all things beauty — including the return of her braids, her makeup, and her tattoos. Bonus: She gave us a Big Little Lies teaser that'll hold you over until 2019. Keep reading for what she had to say.
We've heard people love YSL's Black Opium so much because it's one of those get-you-laid scents, but why do you think it's so iconic? " Wow. It is a sexy smell. I'm really picky about smells and perfumes. I feel like balance is something a lot of perfumes are missing. Black Opium is masculine and feminine, it has high and lows, it has musky smells and sweet smells. I also love the way it blends into your skin. It smells like it's apart of you. You want someone to think this is how you smell. I get why people think it's their get-laid scent."
You once said that makeup is your "war paint" when performing with Lolawolf. Do you still find that to be true? "Even if it's not going on stage, [war paint] is how you want to be represented. How do you feel today? If you're feeling sexy and vampy, you put on a red lip. It's your war paint. It's who [you are] tonight. Especially as an actor, I'm so easily influenced by my wardrobe and makeup. It really does shift and change my personality in a way."
Is there one makeup product you carry with you at all times? "Touche Éclat. Everything else is important, but the most important thing is for skin to look dewy and even. I like that it's really sheer. It's more about balancing things out and brightening things up, as opposed to actually covering. If you slept at someone's house and woke up in the morning, that's [the product] you'd want."
Your braids are officially back! Are you happy about their return? "I am! It's funny because I got them back in for [ Big Little Lies], but they're kind of sticking around. They're so easy. I'm quite lazy with my hair, so once they're done I don't have to do anything."
Do you feel the same way about your short hair? "The thing about short hair is you have that perfect cut, but then it grows out. I really feel like you blink, and it's like something weird is happening. It's actually more maintenance than I thought it would be. I always think my hair doesn't grow. But then I bleached my hair, and the next day I saw black roots, and I was like, 'No!'"
You have so many amazing tattoos, but do you remember your first? "My first one was this little heart [on my wrist] that I got when I was 18. Then I just started adding. There was really no method to my madness. I think once you get an idea, and you keep on imagining it — like something is missing until you get it — that's when you know [you] should [get another]. Some have been a little more spontaneous than that. I go to Dr. Woo. I've been seeing him forever. He's my guy."
How have your parents inspired your beauty routine? "My mother definitely instilled that in me quite early, like [she] wouldn't let me go to sleep without washing my face. Also I get bummed when my skin breaks out. It really affects my mood and my confidence. Obviously it happens to everyone and it's fine, but I really try to keep it under control. If I have a pimple and I know I have a shoot coming, I start to panic."
If 18-year-old Zoë walked into the room right now, what would you say to her? "I'd be like, 'Aw what're you wearing, babe?' [ Laughs.] Just be gentle with yourself. There's so much pressure to be perfect, to be grown-up and all these things that you're not yet, and that time is so precious. They say youth is wasted on the young, but you don't really understand that yet. Just [don't be] in a rush to get somewhere else."
Do you feel like you're a grown-up now? "No, which is hilarious because I have a job, and I still will say I'm at the kid's table. But I'm not a kid. I'm turning 30 this year. It's funny when the people who always called me a kid are the ones saying you're not so young anymore."
How important was Bonnie Carlson's appearance to you going into your Big Little Lies role, especially considering the fact that the character is white in the book? "I didn't think a lot about how it was a switch from a white woman to a Black woman. It was more just about being a young alternative, and then you add brown skin to that, and [she] just sticks out like a sore thumb in this white, chic, conservative-ish community. Just seeing this woman, who is by nature an outsider, trying to stay zen when I'm sure she just feels uncomfortable living in this world that isn't necessarily made for her."
A lot of people say that Bonnie deserved more in the first season. Do you agree? "I do agree with that. There's definitely more of her, in terms of who she is, and where she comes from, and why she is the way she is, in the book. I think the choice to limit that in the series was to have the element of surprise at the end. I think there was the concern that if you knew too much about her you might not be as shocked at the end.
Can we expect more of Bonnie in season two? "There is a lot more of Bonnie in season two. It's kind of interesting the way it worked out. If there had only been one season, it would have been a bit of a bummer. It's interesting to have saved that for the second season, especially seeing what happens at the end of season one. Now [we're] revealing who she is, why she is the way she is, and why she did what she did. I don't think you will be disappointed."
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There’s nothing more daunting than looking for fitness advice online, especially when you’re training for something like the adidas City Runs Clapham 10k. There’s so much contradicting information out there regarding training and nutrition that many of us are left confused or put off altogether. Whether it’s your first race or you’ve been around the block before, having the right information is vital when you’re preparing for race day.
To help you out, we spoke to adidas ambassador, runner and personal trainer Tashi Skervin-Clarke about her top tips for making it across the finish line. As the saying goes, "Fail to prepare, prepare to fail", so read on for Tashi’s 10k prep advice...
Plan Training Days
"A 10k doesn’t require as much dedication as a marathon," says Tashi, who sets herself a 4-5 week timeframe when training for a 10k. "If you’re not used to running, aim towards 6-8 weeks." Although you might think you have to run a 10k distance every day, that’s not the case. "I always recommend three runs per week, split into a tempo run, a speed run, and a long run."
If you’ve got the time (and energy), she also recommends complementing your runs with a weekly HIIT session. "If you do one workout per week where you’re really pushing yourself, you help build that lactate threshold so that when you’re running that final kilometre, you don’t feel like you’re going to pass out. So definitely get your HIIT training in!"
Takeaway Tip: Run three times a week, and fit in some HIIT where you can.
Relax, Don’t (Over) Do It
Believe it or not, there’s such a thing as overtraining. Tashi tells Refinery29 that it’s a common mistake, so don’t feel guilty about taking rest days. Although it’s a good idea to schedule in a couple of rest days a week, Tashi stresses that it’s important to listen to your body and be flexible. "Make sure your plan can adapt around life, because life can happen. You may be hungover, have the flu or, if you just don’t want to work out, then take the rest day."
Aside from total rest, your muscles also need a healthy dose of stretching in order to recover. "A lot of runners complain about having tight hamstrings because they spend a lot of time running and not enough time stretching," Tashi says. Since most of us spend our days sitting down at our desks, it’s important to prepare our bodies for movement by warming up with some dynamic stretches. "I like to do something called 'The world’s greatest stretch': Come into a high plank, step your right leg outside of your right arm and then stretch your right arm towards the ceiling. Yoga also helps work your muscles through their full range of motion, so I always say to try and get a yoga session in per week."
Takeaway Tip: Don’t feel guilty about taking rest days, and make sure to properly warm up your muscles with dynamic stretches and yoga once a week.
Eat Carbs
What to eat when you’re training is probably the most confusing part, and while a lot of people think they need to lose weight before a race, it shouldn’t be your main goal. "When it comes to running and training we need to make sure we’re fuelling for whatever it is we want our body to do," Tashi explains. She recommends a bowl of porridge and a banana for breakfast, and plenty of starchy simple carbs (like white rice) post-workout.
But what about protein? "Of course always get your protein in. It doesn’t have to be a protein shake, it can be a chicken breast or tofu. I feel like we really overcomplicate things and people just need to go back to basics and eat the food that they like. Be mindful and make sure that your body’s got enough fuel and enough of the good stuff for you to perform."
Takeaway Tip: There’s no need for fancy protein shakes or supplements, just try and eat mindfully.
Dress To Impress
Extremely stylish workout gear is great for the ‘gram, but aside from looking the part, your clothes need to fit right. "You want something that you’re comfortable in, so make sure you run in your clothes before. You need to know if the leggings fall down, if the fabric keeps away moisture, and make sure it’s appropriate for the weather." The right trainers are just as important, and Tashi recommends the adidas SolarBOOST: "I like to feel bouncy on my feet but this shoe is also really supportive, which is what you need for a 10k."
Takeaway Tip: Road test your race day clothes by training in them beforehand.
Make It A Fun Run
Once you’ve got your training schedule, nutrition and outfits all figured out, the last thing you need is… motivation. Tashi shares her final tip with us: "Listen to a playlist that reminds you of a fun time like a holiday or a night out with your friends. I plan my playlist way in advance so I know I have certain songs to call on if I’m struggling and I need that final push." Turn up the volume and tune out the world.
On the day of your 10k, if you find yourself needing an extra push, the crowds will see you to the finish line. "The adidas City Runs have amazing crowds. Just when you’re thinking 'I can’t do this, all my training has gone out the window', someone calls out your name and says 'Keep going!'"
Takeaway tip: To stay motivated, listen to music, add variety to your workouts and involve your mates.
Now that you’ve got all the info, why not put it to the test at the next adidas City Run.
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From the halos of fresh roses at Rodarte to long, emo-inspired fringes at Eckhaus Latta and crimped frizz at Collina Strada, a handful of incredible (and, at times, totally outrageous) hair trends have emerged from the SS19 catwalk at New York Fashion Week, but the most wearable of them all has to be hidden braids.
A far cry from the heavy, multicoloured DNA braids that made waves earlier in the year, the quietly cool new look, which consists of a handful of tiny plaits woven into the hair and veiled by the rest of the locks so that they peek through ever so slightly, was spotted at both Dion Lee and Jonathan Simkhai, and is officially a contender for the easiest trend to recreate at home.
Photo courtesy of ghd and Eugene Souleiman using platinum+
At Dion Lee, renowned hairstylist Eugene Souleiman was the mastermind behind the braid-adorned up-dos, describing the look as a "new take on minimalism and texture". Providing both volume and attitude to a hairstyle that is otherwise sleek and conservative, he used the Wella EIMI Oil Spritz and Ocean Spritz to help fashion a handful of seamless braids and to factor in some extra character. He then employed ghd's Curve Creative Curl Wand to add a little movement to the remaining lengths and used ghd's new Platinum+styler to provide structure before using his fingers to pull the hair into a twist.
Photo courtesy of ghd and Eugene Souleiman using platinum+
If up-dos aren't your thing, Jonathan Simkhai's stray braids just might be. Hairstylist Odile Gilbert teamed up with TRESemme to create a single peekaboo braid which gave the models' slightly textured lengths, worn down, a little more substance. She offset the braid with two single white beads as an homage to the '90s and let the rest of the hair fall over the finished product.
Photo courtesy of ghd and Eugene Souleiman using platinum+
A quick scroll through Instagram and Pinterest shows that the hidden braid look isn't reserved for the catwalk, though – and the best part is that you don't have to make the braids as small as your fingers will allow. Chunkier versions look just as cool peppered through longer hair, especially. Now if you'll excuse us, we're off to practise...
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There is no "typical" reaction to experiencing sexual assault, but some ways of responding are more common than others. The likelihood of developing mental health problems varies from person to person, but a recent study found that 80% of teenage girls who had been sexually assaulted were suffering with anxiety, depression, post-traumatic stress disorder (PTSD) and other conditions months after the event.
Professionals said the findings showed that abuse in childhood can lead to mental health issues that can have a lasting impact into adulthood and even persist for a lifetime. A quarter of women with mental health conditions have been abused as a child, according to research from Agenda, the alliance for women and girls at risk.
"Too many are not able to get the help they need and are left to try to cope on their own," Jessica Southgate, the charity's policy manager, told Refinery29. "Some turn to drugs and alcohol to deal with the trauma, which can be the start of a downward spiral affecting their whole lives." The charity is calling for greater investment in appropriate mental health support, "where women and girls are asked about experiences of abuse and trauma and this is then taken into account in their care."
One woman who has felt the lifelong impact of childhood abuse is 32-year-old Rachel (not her real name), from Oxfordshire, who was abused from the age of 10 by a family member, and as a result has suffered a number of mental health problems into adulthood. Her experiences with mental health support have led her to believe trauma isn’t recognised and properly responded to in mental health services. She told her story to Refinery29 UK.
When the abuse first started I had no idea what was going on, but I guess that’s the nature of grooming; it’s the way a perpetrator prepares their victim for the abuse. He was manipulating me psychologically, so he could get away with what he wanted to do to me. He wore down my confidence, while taking advantage of the fact that I trusted him, looked up to him and wanted his approval. It didn’t take long before he started touching me sexually. He was left to babysit me when my parents went out in the evening, so it would inevitably happen then. I was scared of him, but I was more scared of his threats about what would happen if my parents knew what was going on, so I didn’t put up a fight. Often, the terror response made me unable to move. I’d dissociate, and my body would freeze.
I didn’t even notice that I felt scared and worried all the time. Constant fear was just normal.
That time period is hazy for me, but this happened at least every week for a number of months. The assaults got progressively worse as he gained confidence, and he eventually raped me. When he started to attack me while my parents were home, I tried to resist. He was violent then, and used his bodyweight to hold me down. I was only a little girl – there was no way I could win a physical fight. The abuse stopped when my parents found out. Despite the authorities being involved, the police only gave him a caution. I continued living in fear of him and feeling the huge shame he evoked in me for another eight years. So while the abuse had stopped, the feelings attached to it were very much alive. Being around my abuser meant that the trauma was cycling through me constantly.
I’ve seen many doctors and been given various diagnoses over the years. Major depression, complex PTSD, emotionally unstable personality disorder (also known as BPD), anorexia. None of these really say much about what I’ve been through. They're just labels for collections of symptoms. Anxiety has been a continuous presence in my life since the abuse. It's been so permanent for so many years that until a few years ago, I didn’t even notice that I felt scared and worried all the time. A state of constant fear was just normal. I’ve had bouts of depression since I was a teenager; some worse than others. This presented as very low moods, trouble sleeping, and a general lethargy that made doing anything at all feel impossibly hard.
In 2014 things got a lot worse when the PTSD symptoms fully emerged. I had a lot of nightmares and flashbacks, and experienced huge anxiety and panic. I self-harmed and drank heavily to calm the horrific feelings and distract from the memories. I also starved myself and used food to try and get a sense of control. I was given antidepressants, but they didn’t have much effect other than to numb me a little. My thoughts were extremely dark and I fantasised about suicide constantly. The self-harm became so severe that I was regularly in A&E.
I tried to kill myself multiple times. I took a lot of overdoses.
After an episode of self-harm that led to me needing 40 stitches, I was admitted to a psychiatric hospital. I stayed in the hospital for three months, much of it under constant observation by nurses. While this kept me relatively safe from myself, it didn’t improve my health. After being discharged, I was more dangerously suicidal than I'd been before. The traumatic memories and nightmares felt unbearable, they made it feel like my life was torture. I tried to kill myself multiple times. I took a lot of overdoses, some meant more to harm myself and some with the intent of ending my life. My anorexia was also attached to my desire not to live. It felt like by not eating, I could just gradually fade out of my life.
None of this has completely gone away, even though it's been several years since my breakdown. Random interactions and experiences in daily life still trigger feelings of trauma, shame, anxiety and panic attacks. I still find those feelings unbearable a lot of the time, and they limit me in a big way. I struggle not to self-harm, and I continue to battle my eating disorder. While things have improved, I know I'm still a very long way from being able to say I’m doing okay.
I’m now unable to work full-time, as I need a lot of time for therapy.
This illness killed my career opportunities. I used to work full-time and was gaining skills and progressing steadily. Shortly before I was signed off work, I’d been promoted to a management role. After taking almost a year off when I had my breakdown, I felt like my employer lost faith in me. I’m now unable to work full-time, as I need a lot of time for therapy and to take care of myself. An employer told me there was no chance of me being promoted again while I worked part-time. I'm now self-employed, and while I don’t have as much job security, it's better for my health that I'm able to choose when, where and for how long I work each day.
In terms of my relationships, the impact of my illness has been huge. In particular, it's put a big strain on my marriage. My wife is an incredible, kind, patient woman who has educated herself about trauma and recovery. But still, I’ve seen the toll it's taken on her; being so afraid for me and being with me in my pain. She went from being my equal to being my carer. It’s very difficult for a relationship to survive that kind of shift. On top of that, it’s hard to have any physical closeness when sexual intimacy can trigger flashbacks. It's frustrating and so sad to be unable to have that intimacy with the person you love most in the world. My illness has often come between us in this way. There have been some tough times and we’ve both had to work hard to try and get our relationship back to a healthy place.
While I've lost friendships as a result of my breakdown, strangely I feel as though I've gained better, more authentic ones. In treatment centres and peer support groups, I’ve met people who really understand me and are willing to hear and be open with me. Those friends are an incredible resource that I didn’t have before I was ill. They’re people I can be truly honest with, and that’s a wonderful thing to have in my life.
It’s important to have inquiries into historic abuse, but nothing is being done to address the legacy of that trauma.
I have sought support and had very mixed experiences. The NHS has, on the whole, massively let my wife and I down. I’ve found support in a few different addiction groups, like AA (Alcoholics Anonymous) and CoDA (Codependents Anonymous). While I haven’t ever come across anyone with my own background, I often find common ground with the people I encounter at meetings that helps me feel less alone. I’m also fortunate enough to be able to pay to have psychotherapy privately. I’ve been working with my therapist for almost four years now, and I can say that without her support there are times I just wouldn’t have got through. Therapy is incredibly hard, and intensely painful, but I look forward to seeing my therapist every single week. It’s amazing to have this very safe space with her, in which I can work through the things I really struggle with.
Anyone who has been the victim of such awful crimes should be referred for specialist counselling to process their trauma. It infuriates me that, as far as I've experienced, there's nothing like this in existence. Given how there has been so much public discussion of sexual abuse in recent years, it's beyond my understanding that there's still no proper trauma treatment available for victims – unless they have the means to pay for it. Of course it’s important to have inquiries into historic abuse, but it feels so wrong that nothing is being done to address the legacy of that trauma.
To anyone who may be suffering in silence after sexual assault, I'd say: You are not alone, and you don’t have to suffer in silence. You might feel ashamed, but that shame is not yours. That shame belongs entirely to the person who violated you. You can have a voice, and if you find someone you feel safe with, you can give a voice to that girl inside you who was so painfully wounded. Your truth matters, and there are people who will help you carry it. The road to healing is not an easy one, but you’ve had the strength and courage to survive this far, so you will get through it.
If you have experienced sexual violence of any kind, please visit Rape Crisis or call 0808 802 9999.
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Photographer and artist Areli Arellano was once approached by a friend trying to start a business. The friend asked if she’d be willing to help create the company’s identity design. Arellano sent over her rates, but the friend pushed back, asking if there was any way she could do it for free. “Her reasoning was that this business had no revenue yet, therefore it would be absurd to charge for a design,” Arellano recalled. “I wished her well on her new journey and left it at that. It might have been harsh, but my time and work is important.”
The topic of charging friends for professional service is a murky one. And, for many professionals, it is an uncomfortable scenario that comes up all too often. For freelancers and small business owners — particularly those in creative fields — being asked to perform odd services for friends can be a persistent dilemma. And, for many people, setting appropriate boundaries that separate friendship from their professional lives is not always an easy thing to do.
Lauren Cocking, a freelance writer, finds that one way to navigate this dilemma is by making an exchange arrangement with other friends, especially those who are also writers. “We typically swap copy when needed and give feedback,” Cocking told Refinery29. “I never charge for this, because it's usually just a 'fresh pair of eyes' scenario and they would (and have) returned the favour for me.” However, Cocking also has a swap set up with a friend who runs hosting for her blog in exchange for odd copywriting help. She admits, though, that it can get a bit “hairy” when it comes to dealing with expectations and finding a balance between the two trades.
Like Cocking, graphic designer Heather Marie, often doesn't charge (or heavily discounts) services if a project will teach her a new skill. Additionally, she has a rule that friends must provide a business plan before she designs something for them, such as a logo. “Friends that plan on monetising blogs [or] Etsy shops often don't know about locking down social entities, content engagement strategies,” Marie said. “I often have to hold their hand and make them look at the bigger picture. I ask them to do the work of creating a Pinterest board of inspiration. Usually, this one-two punch of homework weeds out the lazy people hoping for a homie hookup.”
But for some, even those who do their homework aren't getting a hookup. Arellano, the photographer, refers people to her rates. “Most of my friends are understanding and have followed me throughout my career and know that I am constantly busy with different projects,” Arellano told Refinery29. And, though she does occasionally provide discounts and make exceptions for close friends and family — she recently designed her brothers wedding invitations free of charge — Arellano says most are understanding and happy to pay her for her work. “I have had to have some awkward money conversations, but I try to be upfront about charging them, even before discussing their project ideas, that way they know what to expect when it comes time to discuss payment.”
Every time I’m about to hit ‘send’ I get an uncomfortable feeling and rethink my decision. I’m scared they might take it the wrong way or become annoyed with me.
No matter the approach, setting boundaries with friends is a challenge and can be extremely triggering for some. Whether it’s imposter syndrome rearing its ugly head or a nagging fear that financial frankness might destroy a friendship, for many women the ask is still difficult — no matter what.
Arellano admits that she still deals with feelings of guilt and a fear of seeming selfish. “Every time I’m about to hit ‘send’ I get an uncomfortable feeling and rethink my decision. I’m scared they might take it the wrong way or become annoyed with me,” Arellano said. “Especially as a woman of colour, I often make myself smaller and try to push myself into the background.”
So, given this reality, how exactly can women professionals figure out how (and when) to charge for their work? According to Cynthia Pong, a life and career coach — and the founder of Embrace Change, a coaching business focused primarily on women and women of colour — overcoming a fear of boundary-setting can be incredibly challenging for women. “It’s particularly hard because women want to be viewed as doing good work,” Pong told Refinery29. “There are these double standards that we have to to perform better. A lot of us have also been socialised from early on to over-accommodate, to comply, to be overly giving.”
Further, Pong explains that the repercussions for not enacting these traditional female attitudes in the workplace can often be severe, though often subtle. “It’s just so much easier for us to get labeled as being difficult, or being a bitch or all of these other things that have negative connotations but also very real concrete consequences that aren’t pleasant.”
According to Pong, unlearning gendered socialisations and grappling with fears of being scrutinised for assertiveness is a layered and gradual process. But it all starts with practice: “Figure out which is the easiest way for you to say no and practice in low-stake situations when it’s not as hard,” Pong suggested.
Pong also recommends sitting down ahead of time and outlining your policies, such as defining which circumstances might qualify for a friends and family rate. “It’s important to be clear and not to waffle,” Pong said, adding that without protocols, it’s much easier to get caught off guard by a request. She recommends sitting down and deciding what your policies are ahead of time, so it's not as tempting to make exceptions when the ask happens.
I believe in an abundance mindset and I never want to feel like I’m stingy, but at some point I know in my gut when it crosses over into paid work territory.
Pong recognises that the ability to provide professional services can depend heavily on each situation, including one's line of work and bandwidth. Back when she was a public defender and being paid a full salary, Pong was more willing to provide free consulting services. Now, as a small business owner and consultant, it’s a lot different. But often, Pong adds, it comes down to how a request makes you feel. “I believe in an abundance mindset and I never want to feel like I’m stingy, but at some point I know in my gut when it crosses over into paid work territory.”
While Pong recommends creative thinking and an openness to strategic exchanges, she also believes that some circumstances do beget flexibility. “There’s no hard rule for everybody, times change and circumstances change. Sometimes work will be slow and you’d rather have someone in a pro-bono capacity but that’s not always the case,” Pong said. “It’s helpful if you have a framework and protocols so that you can define your boundaries ahead of time. That way, when the time comes, you know how to stick to it.”
Ultimately, toeing the line between friendship and professionalism requires a well-defined framework, a steadfast understanding of your own personal and professional value, and an unapologetic commitment to your own boundaries. It might feel scary at first, but it is doable. After all, Arellano certainly seems to have a handle on the situation: “If you really break down all the time, money, and effort that goes into your craft, you’ll realise just how much you’re losing by doing free work,” Arellano concluded. “You have to get to a point where you are confident enough in your work to think that anyone not willing to pay is crazy.”
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When it takes place in November, the 2018 Victoria’s Secret Fashion Show will be the most racially diverse it’s been in years. But a new video clip featuring five-year veteran Devon Windsor reminds us that some of those on the catwalk have a hard time understanding that life isn’t as homogeneous as the tall, blonde, size zero models that appear in the show.
“What are you guys talking about?” Olivia Culpo asked. “Diversity,” Hue says, as Shaik recounts how she used to be bullied because of her skin colour, and was told that she would never be able to book high-fashion jobs. “A lot of Black girls would have to miss Milan because we wouldn’t be able to walk in the shows because [designers] didn’t want girls that colour,” Shaik explained. It’s an honest conversation that's refreshing to see in front of a TV camera. That is, until Windsor says she can relate to Shaik's struggles — she says she found living abroad for months at a time to be “hell” because she didn’t speak “Paris” or Italian.
Hue offered that she didn’t think Windsor could relate to the turmoils of being different, to which she replied, “Do you know how hard it is to be blonde?” Windsor continued, adding needing to get highlights every month to her perceived strife. “Oh my God, tiny violin,” Hue said.
Culpo defended Windsor against criticism with a tweet on Sunday, asking viewers to understand that things can be taken out of context because of how the show is edited. “I can assure you Dev has an immensely kind heart and anything that portrays otherwise is a manipulation of her true character,” she said. Windsor apologised on Twitter, saying: “It goes without saying, that the comments in the show are incredibly insensitive. The majority of the conversation was edited and if a peer of mine wanted to discuss such a serious subject, I would never follow it with a joke.” She goes on to say that "she has an immense amount of respect for my peers" and knows "the struggle of diversity and inclusion...isn’t one to be taken lightly."
Comments like Windsor’s (and those made by Kendall Jenner just last month) trivialise how hard some models really have to work — and the obstacles so many models without privilege (be it racial or financial) face to simply earn a pay check. Though we understand Windsor may have been deflecting her lack of knowledge on the situation by trying to relate to Shaik and Hue, her ignorance is part of what stalls the industry's progress in terms of diversity and inclusivity.
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Earlier this year, we told you Jack McCollough and Lazaro Hernandez of Proenza Schouler were building a global empire. After a brief stint in Paris, the duo returned to New York City for their spring 2019 show — and it seems some time apart from the city that made them was exactly what they needed. McCollough and Hernandez presented a collection as clean and strong as ever — which is exactly what New York Fashion Week needed, too.
Photo: Victor Virgile/Gamma-Rapho/Getty Images.Photo: Victor Virgile/Gamma-Rapho/Getty Images.
It's not often a designer, or design duo, reminds you of where you come from. Or the fact that clothes have the power to do that at all. Pardon the identity crisis, but there's just something spiritual about a new silhouette or textile that you could instantly see yourself in. For spring 2019, we've seen a lot of designers struggle to find their signature — their shtick that becomes so ubiquitous it eludes Instagram and trickles down to fast-fashion and into our closets. Think: straight to DVD, but in a good way, and Proenza Schouler did just that. The designers sent six dresses of the same shape down a singular runway — and we're calling its influence now.
The dress itself may seem like an update to viral gowns past (see: the mullet dress, the leg veil), but it was designed with just enough newness that its potential to be bought and sold en masse is pretty obvious. It's sleeveless, it's got pockets, and it features a dropped peplum that, finally, no longer sits so high on your torso that you can't put your arms down. It came in acid wash denim and a sturdy cotton and sat comfortably in a lineup that featured more structured ensembles like leather button-ups, asymmetrical pencil skirts, trench coats, mismatched suits, and more. We'd be remiss not to direct your attention to those bandanas, too.
Photo: Victor Virgile/Gamma-Rapho/Getty Images.Photo: Victor Virgile/Gamma-Rapho/Getty Images.
Of their last collection, McCollough and Hernandez agreed on one thing: "[Style] is more than just a suit. It’s more than sexy. Women don’t dress for men, they dress for themselves." Of their newest offering, that still holds true — but now, even tighter. Welcome home, boys.
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But then there is “a dark turn,” as leading lady Shannon Purser said during a New York City interview with Refinery29. Purser’s titular Sierra Burgess hacks the phone of her bully-turned-BFF Veronica (Kristine Froseth) and outs Ronnie’s painful breakup (along with the private photo involved in it) to their entire high school. Then there's the fact that Sierra Burgess is centred around Sierra and Ronnie’s plan to catfish Centineo’s latest teenage athlete character, the well-meaning, uber romantic Jamey, into a relationship with Sierra. Jamey thinks he's romancing Ronnie via iPhone; later, he thinks he’s kissing Ronnie. In both cases, it's secretly Sierra on the other end of Jamey's advances.
Amid all this teen angst and subterfuge, there is also a running theme of queerphobic “jokes,” which are purposefully supposed to seem cruel — they’re said by the meanest people at Sierra’s school.
While Sierra certainly has its own To All The Boys -type heart-soaring, empowering moments, it’s also met a fair amount of backlash with these polarising plotlines. And, yes, body positivity and queer advocate Shannon Purser has heard about it, she assured Refinery29. The Stranger Things alum also says that when it comes to the current Twitter discourse around her teen movie, “ some ” of it is warranted.
Find out what Purser has to say about which parts of Sierra we really should be talking about, whether Sierra's likability matters, and how she feels about social media hate. Oh, yeah, and whether she'll be back on Riverdale this autumn.
Refinery29: When you first read the script, what did you think of Sierra?
Shannon Purser: “I was just really drawn to how complex she is and how much I resonate with her. Not in the scheme of catfishing or bullying, but the idea of feeling so pressured to conform and to be held up against other women in a way that’s competitive. That can cause you to be insecure and make bad decisions. I think that’s something a lot of young women go through. It felt relatable to me.”
When I chatted with you about the Riverdale musical this past winter, you dubbed yourself a “fat girl” with no qualifiers or apologies. Were you excited to explore being a fat high school girl in a love story with Sierra Burgess?
“I never really imagined I would get to play a lead in a movie, much less a romantic movie, because in the media, fat girls are just ignored or they’re not worthy of being noticed. Which is such a shame. Even though Sierra certainly has flaws and is a complicated character, she’s a real human being. Just the opportunity for me to bring a story to life about a group of people that doesn’t get to have stories about them was important.”
“It would have been so meaningful as a child for me to see as the fat girl get the guy. To get the kiss at the end. To show up in her homecoming dress, without losing weight, and to be looked at as beautiful.”
I do not think of Sierra as a perfect character … but I don’t think that necessarily means her story doesn’t have a message.
You brought up Sierra’s “flaws,” have you read any of the Twitter backlash about those flaws?
“Yeah, I’m trying not to overwhelm myself about it, but yeah, I do know the gist of what’s being talked about.”
Do you think it’s warranted?
“Yes, some of it, for sure. I do not think of Sierra as a perfect character or even a likeable character in a lot of parts of the movie. But I don’t think that necessarily means her story doesn’t have a message or a meaning. I’m very interested in the way young people interact online and how the internet has changed the way we not only communicate, but see ourselves and see each other.
“It’s not really important that people agree with everything Sierra is doing or even like her, but that they understand the reality behind these real kids who do cyberbully and who do hurt one another and where that comes from. Because I know from personal experience a lot of the hate that I’ve received on Twitter, not because of this movie specifically, but just in general, has come from young girls. That really interests me. What motivates people to talk to other people that way? What insecurity or what void are these people trying to fill? And also, is there a possibility for redemption? Can there be growth from that?”
Do you ever respond to those people?
“To an extent, I don’t owe them a response. It’s my life — the characters I play are not me, you know? But some people don’t understand that distinction, and think I’m promoting things I know to be wrong. If you saw somebody killing somebody on-screen, would you say, ‘You’re promoting murder?’ No, you wouldn’t.
“For the most part I try and ignore them. Some people like to clap back, maybe that gives them satisfaction. I just don’t want to do that because I don’t want the people who are sending hate to me to be attacked … I don’t want to give back the hate they’ve given me.”
Do you feel like showing a plus-size girl doing bad is almost an evolution? Since thinner women have been going dark for years.
“Definitely. The people you see in movies and TV should reflect reality, and they don’t, as of now. I see things starting to change for the better. But, yeah, the reality is, fat people live lives like anybody else. Some of them are horrible and mean and some of them are wonderful. To not have stories centred around fat people is to erase them and treat them like they’re invisible.”
Or suggest they’re always, without fail, the good guy?
“There’s more to fat people than that, there’s more to people in general than that. I love playing likeable characters, I would love to play more who do the right thing. That would be great. But that isn’t always the reality.”
Were you surprised by how dark Sierra goes by the end? Because the cyberbullying is actually very vicious.
“Yeah, it really is for sure. It’s a dark turn. That’s what throws some of the audience members off. They come into the movie expecting this light-hearted teen romance, and then all of a sudden things get very real and very serious. It is hard to watch and it’s hard to play, because I would never do something like that.”
“But, I understand the emotion. I understand being told your whole life that you’re inferior, that you’re not good enough, being placed against women who look totally different from you and how that could cause someone to snap.”
And, considering your ardent support of the queer community, were you surprised by the trans and lesbian “jokes”?
“I guess so. It’s hard to say, because these are jokes I don’t make in real life, but they are what I hear coming from young people. To say that something is realistic doesn’t mean that it’s right. All of these characters are entering the film from a very self-centred, socially unaware point of view. It’s a story of growth for all of them as the movie goes along.”
So what’s next for you? Should we expect you back on Riverdale as Ethel Muggs?
“I’m working on season 3 right now, which is really fun. Hopefully [there will be] something else soon.”
Yeah you’ve actually taken a quick turn playing teen girls who do awful things in the moment, with Sierra and Ethel’s decision to terrorise Midge during the Riverdale musical.
“It’s a challenge to play for sure, and that doesn’t always win me the favour of the people who watch the [projects]. But, hopefully people will understand I’m acting and I do have good things to say. If the right part comes along, hopefully I’ll get to play somebody a little bit more likeable in the future.”
This interview has been condensed and edited.
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Emma Chasen talks about medical cannabis in the same level-headed (yet enthusiastic) way that my chemist parents explained the reaction between vinegar and baking soda to me growing up. Her ability to cut through the sensational aspects of cannabis use (both negative and positive) make her a powerful and clarifying voice within the ever-expanding industry — an industry that, in as little as three years, she's already been able to influence, first as a budtender and now as an educator and consultant.
Chasen recently spoke with Refinery29 about her unique path into the cannabis industry, why CBD is a "gateway" compound, and why science just might be the thing that wins over cannabis naysayers.
Interview has been edited for length and clarity.
What inspired you to start working in the cannabis industry? "I have been fascinated with plant medicine and folk medicine from a very young age... But I didn’t come to cannabis until college. My life thus far had been pretty puritanical — I was really focused on getting into Brown, so I was very intense, for lack of a better word, and kind of swore off all substances — alcohol, weed, everything — but then I got to Brown and I saw how many brilliant people were using cannabis for a variety of different things. [One friend] in particular was studying neuroscience and was really fascinated by the way that cannabis and other psychotropic substances influenced neural pathways. She was super brilliant and a huge cannabis consumer herself, so she was the one who got me to be like, 'Okay, it’s not that bad.' She got me to shed that stigma. I also happened to be taking a freshmen seminar at the time called 'Botanical Roots of Modern Medicine' that just blew my mind. It was the first time that I really thought that I could study plant medicine... Luckily, I was able to devise my own curriculum in the biology program that really focused on ethnobotany and medicinal plant research. I always wanted to study cannabis formally, but never could due to legality issues. I saw cannabis as this all-star medicinal plant, so when I graduated from Brown I worked in oncology research and I really thought that could be my point of impact, where I could bring cannabis into a more scientific space and unfortunately that wasn’t the case.
"There was a brilliant professor who did propose a cannabis trial and [was] laughed out of the office. That was the straw that broke the camel’s back for me. I was like, 'This industry is not for me.' So, I quit that job, went back to New York for a minute, and was like, 'I want to go someplace where there is opportunity to work in the holistic, integrative plant medicine field.' And then I packed up my car, drove across the country, and arrived in Portland... I got a budtending gig at Farma, a dispensary here which definitely takes a more scientific-minded approach to cannabis. Since I had formal academic training in studying plant chemistry and secondary compounds, terpenes, alkaloids, and cannabinoids, I was able to apply my knowledge and found that I was really good at budtending. I loved helping people reframe their relationship with cannabis. I ended up sticking with it. I arrived in Portland about three years ago and I’ve been in the industry ever since."
You’ve always viewed cannabis through a scientific lens, but how does that point of view change other people’s impressions of cannabis, given its recreational reputation? "For so long, cannabis has been demonised very unfairly and there’s quite [a few] ridiculous, negative stigmas around it. I definitely fell victim to those stigmas myself for most of my young life — I really believed that if you smoked cannabis, you were stupid and lazy and all of those awful things. But at the same time, I don’t think that the pro-cannabis movement should respond with the other extreme, where it’s like, 'It’s a cure-all! It’s totally safe! It’s not addictive! It’s fine for you and it’s good for everyone!' I mean, that’s not true. We need to approach the cannabis movement with reason, with scientific evidence, because that’s the way that we get people who are still on the anti-cannabis side to join us and say, 'Okay, this is just like any other substance — it should be regulated.' As soon as you give them that kind of reasonable perspective and dialogue [with them], I've found that it’s much easier to connect with people on both sides."
One area that’s seen mainstream acceptance is CBD-related products. Why, other than the matter of legality, do you think this is where cannabis is breaking through? "I call CBD the 'gateway' compound to cannabis. Because it is a non-intoxicant, it’s not as 'scary' as THC. While THC can’t kill you and it has a lot of great medicinal properties, it is not without negative side effects. It can cause anxiety, paranoia, elevated heart rate, and heightened self-awareness — that can be really uncomfortable for a lot of people. CBD does not cause those negative side effects. You can still get medicinal properties without experiencing any of that anxiety or paranoia. It allows [people] to feel more okay with cannabis. I think a disservice the government did when approaching cannabis is that they only ever defined cannabis by THC — when you take a drug test for weed, they’re testing your THC levels — so, for so long, cannabis was only synonymous with THC. But that’s just not true. Cannabis has a very complex phytochemistry, which is why it’s so medicinal and there are other compounds, like CBD, that may offer symptom relief that won’t get you intoxicated."
What was your work like as a budtender? "I budtended just for a few months at Farma three years ago and then I was very quickly promoted to general manager. I won a very lovely award that named me Budtender Of The Year in Portland in 2016, but by April of 2016 I was the GM. I managed the shop and was able to devise an onboarding educational programme for the employees. After about over a year of acting as the GM, I chose to step down from that role and took on a new role for myself within Farma’s organisation: the director of education. I saw this complete lack of comprehensive education, for not only consumers but everybody else in the industry, and to not have a training program for budtenders was completely inexcusable. These are the people that are acting as the direct link between the rest of the industry and the consumer market. They’re also interfacing with consumers who oftentimes have really serious medical concerns. Consumers are going to budtenders because budtenders are their one source of reliable cannabis information and if they’re not trained, then that’s a huge liability. So I got to work on a really comprehensive onboarding program for the budtending community that ended up also appealing to the consumer market and other industry professionals, because it focused on the fundamentals of cannabis science as well as product knowledge and consumption information (tips on microdosing and keeping a consumption journal). The piece that applies specifically to the budtending community is client care: How do you speak to people? How you connect with consumers in a high-level boutique customer service way? How do you make recommendations? How do you predict experiences for your consumer so that you can help people feel more comfortable integrating cannabis into their lifestyle?
Everybody will respond differently to cannabis. What we can do is guide people and provide them with enough information so that they can experiment (or feel comfortable experimenting) to find what really works for them.
"I teach those workshops in Portland frequently now. I left Farma about a year ago and since then have been working as a freelance consultant where I'll work with different brands in the industry to help them develop educational programmes that will help elevate their brand presence and connect with budtenders and consumers. I also conduct dispensary trainings; I also offer workshops to the community here in Portland; just trying to get the education out there in as many ways as possible for the consumer, the industry professionals, and specifically the budtender."
What do you recommend to people who aren’t familiar with using cannabis medicinally, but are interested in learning more about it? "I’ll first ask, 'What do you want to experience from cannabis? What are you looking to achieve? Is there a certain symptom that you’d like relief from? Is there a certain cognitive experience that you want? Are there certain side effects that you really don’t want?' I try to collect as much information as possible about the experience that they are looking for, because cannabis has such a diverse chemistry it can give so many different types of experiences. Then I would make a recommendation based on the information that they share with me for what compound to look for. Of course, if they’re in a non-adult-use or non-medical state, then at this point they only have access to hemp-derived CBD, which could be beneficial — again, depending why they are choosing to consume. Then it becomes more of a conversation around sourcing to make sure that you find a product that’s been extracted in such a way that it’s thought to preserve the full range of compounds so that you can get the most medically efficacious experience possible.
"But, if we are in an adult-use state and you do have access to many different types of products, then it does become a bigger conversation around cannabinoid ratios and what you’re looking for in terms of a THC-CBD percentage ratio. So we’ll talk about terpenes, the aromatic compounds found in cannabis that give products their unique smell but also correlate to certain physiological experiences, in terms of it being more sleepy or more energising. And then we will talk about dosing — how much should you take and when should you take it? My approach, when I talk to new people who are thinking about getting into cannabis, is to provide them with as much accessible and meaningful information so that they can feel empowered and safe to take charge of their own experience. Because everybody has such a unique physiology, everybody will respond differently to cannabis. What we can do is guide people and provide them with enough information so that they can experiment (or feel comfortable experimenting) to find what really works for them...
"Another thing that I recommend is to keep a consumption journal — a journal that allows you to track your experiences [using cannabis]... [That way] people can begin to track what their body likes, what works for them — and what doesn’t."
Refinery29 in no way encourages illegal activity and would like to remind its readers that cannabis is a Class B drug and illegal under UK law.
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First dates can often feel like interviews, because if you want someone to like you, you try to put all of your best qualities forward. And sometimes trying to sell yourself can turn into listing your accomplishments like you're a human resumé. But for lots of people, especially women (who have been socialised to undermine their achievements), talking about all the things that make you worth dating can be hard because you don't want to come off conceited. The balance between boring and arrogant is hard to achieve, but the solution is simple: Stop trying to sell yourself.
Kate Stewart, a dating coach in Seattle, wants us all to stop treating first dates like job interviews. The goal isn't to be the best version of yourself so that the person sitting across from you is interested enough for date number two. The goal is to see if you and this person have similar interests, dreams, and values and whether or not you can carry on a fun conversation. "If you're a Nobel Prize winning author, you may not say 'I won the Nobel Prize for my work in blah, blah, blah,'" Stewart says. "You would say, 'I'm an author' and this is what's going on in my life and this is what I'm interested in." There's no value judgement attached to being an author, but it still gives your date valuable information about yourself. Stewart, for example, likes to sew and does it pretty much every day. If she were dating, that's something that her date should know, because it's important to her. But she wouldn't tell someone that she's an excellent seamstress who makes amazing dresses.
"I'm all for putting your best foot forward and not trashing your exes on a first date or something like that, but you want someone to know who you are from a very eyes-wide-open and accurate idea of what's going on in your life," Stewart says. Giving them an overview of what's important to you is better than listing everything that sounds impressive, because if a first date turns into anything serious, you want your date to like you for the things that matter.
So that means letting the conversation be like a tennis match, with you both lobbing questions back and forth. When you're trying to sell yourself, there can be a tendency to talk more than you listen. Or, if you're too scared to sell yourself, you can listen more than you talk. But neither are productive for a first date. "You will know you're on a date with the right kind of person if there is the back and forth conversation," Stewart says. So you'll say something like, "I'm a big fan of chickens," and then your date can say, "Oh wow, that's fascinating. I don't know much about chickens, but I do enjoy eating them." And that gives you an in to talk about how your grandmother makes the best chicken pot pie you've ever tasted. Letting the conversation flow this way can give you more insight than trying to tell someone about how you're the youngest executive at your law firm.
That doesn't mean you can't accept compliments or be proud of what you've accomplished. If Stewart showed a date photos of a dress she made and they said, "Wow, you're so talented," she wouldn't downplay that compliment. She'd say thank you and maybe mention that she's been sewing for a long time. "Gracefully accept a compliment, because saying, 'Oh, no, I'm not' doesn't help you or make you look any better," she says. So don't put yourself down when your accomplishments come up, but it's also not important to lead the conversation with them. "A first date is about saying, 'Here's who I am and what I'm interested in, who are you and what are you interested in?'" Stewart says. As you and this person go on more dates, they'll eventually learn that you're not just an author, but a Nobel Prize-winner, or that you quickly worked your way up in your job, or that you can make a damn good crepe.
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Shhh. Can you hear that? Way off in the distance, the word 'representation' is being shouted from the Hollywood hills, and people are actually starting to listen! It's becoming an increasingly prevalent measure of whether a new film is worthy of sincere celebration. And when Crazy Rich Asians hit American cinemas last month, we could feel the excitement reverberating all the way here in Blighty.
It's the first Hollywood film to boast an all-Asian cast in 25 years. Outrageous and overdue for sure, but a poignant breakthrough nonetheless. In the wake of films like Black Panther, which was also a milestone in hiring a predominantly black cast for a film with a black narrative, it feels like the cinematic powers that be are (slowly) starting to understand the importance of authentically telling diverse stories. A note worth making: both films absolutely smashed it at the box office and made a shitload of money, too.
British actress Gemma Chan (whom you'll recognise from Humans, Fresh Meat and Secret Diary of a Call Girl) stars as Astrid, one of the most glamorous, intelligent and, yes, wealthy, of the Crazy Rich Asians gang. Chatting to Chan ahead of the film's UK release, we asked whether the early excitement about the all-Asian cast put any pressure on how the film would be received. "Well, I certainly felt that the film could be something special when we were making it," she tells Refinery29. "But you just don't know. You don't know how people are going to receive it. You hope that it's all going to come together and it does feel significant and it is a milestone for representation but ultimately, it had to be a good movie for it to work."
Crazy Rich Asians is the quintessential rom-com. Without giving away any real spoilers, you could probably predict the film's story arc. Boy meets girl. Girl finds out boy is super rich and must find a way to navigate the dramatically different lifestyle into which she's not exactly welcomed. At its core, it's a love story, which is probably why it resonated with such a wide audience. That's not to say that the film hasn't been without its criticisms – some have said that it generalises a wide and varied ethnicity, while others have questioned why they didn't tell a completely new story instead of repeating a tired Hollywood formula – but the thing we risk forgetting is that Crazy Rich Asians is not the be-all and end-all for Asian casts and narratives breaking into the mainstream. It will hopefully be a stepping stone that will encourage an increasingly varied selection of stories to be told going forwards. The important thing here is legacy.
"I've been working now for 10 years and I do think things have shifted from then; even five years ago I wouldn't have imagined this film would've been made," Chan tells us. Each step towards normalising diversity in cinema paves the way for even more progressive stories to build on the success of the ones that came before. That, if you ask me, is the real magic of Crazy Rich Asians.
Ahead, we delve into the film a little bit more. We talk to Chan about why her character Astrid resonated with her, what it might take for 'diverse' films to become normal, and how representation in UK entertainment compares to our American counterparts. Watch the full interview below.
Gemma Chan On Her Character In "Crazy Rich Asians"
Crazy Rich Asians is in UK cinemas from Friday 14th September
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Welcome toMoney Diaries, where we're tackling what might be the last taboo facing modern working women: money. We're asking a cross-section of women how they spend their hard-earned money during a seven-day period – and we're tracking every last penny.
This week, we catch up with one of last year's most popular Money Diarists, a drag queen in London, to find out what (if anything) they've learned about money in the last 12 months...
Hi fans, it's been a year and I’ve got some news:
1. I got married to a rich Brazilian woman for visa reasons.
2. I had my bumhole bleached for the first time.
3. I got a book deal (they really don’t pay that well, fyi).
4. I turned into a hardcore Tory.
5. I am now disgustingly rich — you’ve heard of the 1%? Well, I am too rich for the one, and thus am just part of the percent. You’ve not heard of us? No, you wouldn’t have. Chances are, if you’re reading and not having someone do all your reading for you, then you’re not even close to the percent. Among the percent I am known for my gorjique sense of style: I only wear money and think poor people are gross and should stay poor because who else is going to do all my shit 4 moi? In our percent we do things like invest in companies and talk about working class people but instead call them "lower class" or, a personal fave, "the underclass" and we look at paintings that we own and say how we are thinking of redecorating and binning our original Klimt because, to quote Charlize Theron in that Dior ad: "Gold is cold."
I should mention that four out of five of those things are a lie and I’m still in my overdraft, but it was fun while that paragraph lasted, because if I’ve solidified any skill in the last year it's lying about stuff and getting money for it. Like I lied to HMRC (oops) and said I didn’t know how to do tax and they let me off a late fine. Truth is, it was desperate financial times and so I wrote a handwritten letter and spritzed it with Agent Provocateur fragrance and kissed it with a deep berry lipstick and sent it and they responded like, "We will let you off your tax fine you lil queen!" And I cried because I wouldn’t have had the money to pay the fine on top of the tax (which I eventually did).
I lied to a bank teller named Kim that I had no idea how I’d gone over my overdraft limit (I knew; it was Just Eat ofc) and sang Whitney Houston down the phone to her because her cat had just died and she literally let me off my fines, so stunning, and I got a round of applause from the people in the bank and Kim and I had a little cry on the phone.
Last year, when I did a Money Diary, commenters expressed concern over some of the money rules I had decided, so here are my revised rules, including responses to those comments:
1. Still no Tupperware. In fact, even less into Tupperware this year because of plastic pollution.
2. On the advice of some commenters I did indeed open a savings account and I put aside some money after I got paid and felt incredibly smug for about a month but then this pair of Balenciaga biker boots went on sale (down from £1,500ish to £450!) so of course I drained my savings and the rest of my overdraft and bought them. It was a good decision, although they’re a size too small and I burned a hole in the inside sole because I dropped a lit cigarette inside them at a house party as a joke but it’s not that funny in hindsight.
3. I have learned to cook one thing — spag bol, lol — and now I eat in the house one night a month! The rest, of course, I spend ricocheting from restaurant to restaurant, spending way beyond my means for no visible benefit other than stretch marks and people thinking I’m very glam.
So when asked to do another Money Diary I was tentative because I realised, appallingly, I have genuinely no new things to tell you about money. Except this: We’re doomed, spend it!
Industry: Drag performer, freelance journalist, just wrote a book!! Age: 27 Location: London Salary: According to my tax for the year before last I earned £15,707 Paycheque amount per month: Variable, between £800 and £3,000 Number of housemates: 3
Monthly Expenses
Housing costs: £532.50 Loan payments: N/A Utilities: £112 Transportation: £240 Phone bill: £41 Savings? So I was out of my overdraft for the first time in seven years for a month in August but, weirdly, I hit it again yesterday Other: No
Total: £925.50
Day One
11am: The drag troupe I’m in have just done a month at Edinburgh Fringe, and we are leaving today. We did two shows a day — a kids' show and an adults' show — and I got oddly addicted to going into Harvey Nichols between shows and pretending I was going to buy an expensive bag while speaking in an American accent. Obviously I didn’t end up buying one but pretending was fun, and I did go to the till with a Balenciaga bum-bag once but backed out just in time. Anyway, we have so much stuff so taxi to the station, skip breakfast of course, because then I can justify eating for the whole five-hour train ride back to London by saying "What? I didn’t have breakfast!" Taxi: £7.
12.30pm: It’s a tough choice between two cigarettes in a row and grabbing some food for the train, but I remember there’ll be a cart on the train but no fags (except for me lol) so choose to chain. On the train it is so obscenely full that they close the food cart. Blasted cigs got me again. Sit in disbelief for a long while. Try to sleep but too hungry. Watch Kath & Kim for a bit but then my data runs out. Eventually beg the table in front of me, who have literally bought the whole of M&S, for a cookie and they are so sweet and say yes and I share it with my sisters who also haven’t eaten. One fifth of a cookie. Five hours.
6pm: Finally at King’s Cross. Can’t really see. Go to the outdoor Pret and get one of those egg pots and eat the egg and leave the spinach, a toastie, a coffee and some popcorn. I’m so hungry and also need a ciggie so much that I forget to write down price. Let’s guess: £7.62
6.15pm: Uber home. It’s a long drive to southeast London and I’m still ravenous so decide to order from Just Eat (#ad #lolnotreally). Get home, eat takeaway, embrace beloved housemates and we have a little cry and a big hug. Go downstairs, have a quick wank because I’ve been living on top of four other people for a month so chances have been scarce-ish, go back upstairs and watch Friends and laugh but then of course critique why we’re laughing because we are rad queers. Uber + takeaway: £31.15
Total: £45.77
Day Two
10am: Couldn’t sleep last night for some reason, and have got addicted to this game on my phone (I know, I’ve always been so anti those games, but it helps me switch off when I feel worried about, you guessed it, money/homophobia/the world/feeling guilty for being privileged enough to switch off) but sometimes I can’t get past a level, and you can pay 99p to get over certain hurdles. It’s kind of against my politics to pay your way out of things but I come from a family with very little money and so sometimes it’s nice to feel like one of those rich people who can pay their way out of stuff. Played that all night. Check balance in morning and iTunes bill has come out for the month. £61!!!!! I have spent £61, in a month, on a game. Worry about it so eat a croissant and coffee from shop on my road and play game. £61 + £5.20 = £66.20 :(
4pm: On deadline for something so went and wrote and also watched more Kath & Kim (so glad it’s on Netflix). Had lunch in the café on my road – a cheese toastie with leeks, so unhealthy, so greasy, so stunnique. £6
6pm: Went into town to see a friend who is just starting a PhD and I'm really proud of them. Decide to get us Crosstown doughnuts to celebrate, for which he insists we will split, and I say no because his stipend hasn’t started yet. We talk for ages about Lilly Ghalichi: literally the biggest Instagram mood ever. £6.50
9pm: Went home and ordered some Lily lashes from Lilly Ghalichi’s company. Get the "So Extra" Myknonos (lol was there ever a gayer name?). For some reason decide on the most expensive pair and as I hit confirm I can’t believe it, what am I doing? £31.95
10pm: Skip dinner 'cos eyelashes. Eat what I like to call a 'found meal', very Noma, very in: six mini Cathedral City cheddar blocks and some spicy mango chutney which might be off but tastes really good.
Total:£110.65
Day Three
8am: On deadline again. Go to café up the road. Have a waffle and watch Jane the Virgin while I ignore work and try to ignore game addiction so move to TV addiction. This work session rolls to lunch and so end up having two iced coffees and another cheese toastie. My diet is feeling imbalanced. But I am feeling GLAMOROUS so… kiss me fuck it. £15.50
2pm: Feeling very ill post-Edinburgh so go home and try to nap but end up doing emails and feeling very satisfyingly busy because I have to work through being ill. Think for a while about how it’s strange that we’re so bound up in capitalism, but then decide to take my mind off it by trawling the designer sale sites and there I find a Loewe keychain for incredibly cheap (£44!!) and decide to buy it because I only have one keychain and feel like I need two. I have just been paid an invoice, feeling quids in, deserve the treat. £44
7pm: Have a gig at Vogue Fabrics with queer punk band I’m in. It’s really fun and we get free drinks… but only two. When I’ve been paid I like to buy my friends drinks. They do it too. It feels really nice to be able to buy your friends drinks, and the two I’m there with are both a little broke, so this round is on me. Repeat it twice. £24
1am: It’s late and I’m in part-drag and shouldn’t get an Uber home because it’s far but I’m still too scared to get late-night public transport because I was beaten up in drag about two years ago so decide to get an Uber with flatmates. One’s phone is out of battery and another’s doesn’t load the Uber app so I get it, but then we stop by McDonald’s and they buy that and we buy the Uber driver a strawberry milkshake for his troubles. £24.40 (x 1.9 surge!)
Total: £107.90
Day Four
Feel very ill and tired. It’s a Sunday. Stay in bed. Wake up at 11am. Flatmates are in so we all go to Greenwich Park and have a picnic. My boyfriend (who is one of my flatmates) owes for the Uber so buys the picnic and we are all very grateful. We talk for ages about, what else, gender and roll around the floor and smoke loads and watch clips from Kath & Kim.
9pm: Can’t believe I’ve spent nothing today. Resist urge to play game. Resist urge to online shop. Decide in order to resist urges to go to pub, so flatmates and I go to the pub on our road. It’s really cheap and iconic. £4
Total: £4
Day Five
9.15am: I have some Weetabix! At home!! Feeling dissatisfied, I decide to go to the café on my road to work and have coffee; stay 'til 11.30 and also have another cheese toastie, this time with chorizo. I realise that I am in an eating rut but also I never get tired of melted cheese and bread because I’m WHAT? Sickening. Also get a baked apple mini tart. Really carby. £11.20
12am: There’s a sample sale on and my friend and I decide to go, even though I’m approaching my overdraft. I’m planning on buying nothing but there is a Margiela shirt I wanted from a few seasons ago. Try it on and, of course, it looks… fine… and decide to buy it. Go to the till. It’s £320. For a shirt. I tell myself I deserve it, that this is an act of self-care, that I will wear it every day. As my card slips slowly from my purse, flying in slo-mo through the air, towards the card reader, someone in the queue behind me exclaims that I’ve found a bargain and then I zone out into a different dimension and realise that £320 for a shirt is in no way a bargain and again I am concerned about capitalism, my blood pressure falls, the adrenaline dissolves from body and I say the worst thing you can say at a fashion thing: "Actually, I think I’m going to leave it, sorry." And so, financially triumphant but fashionably outcast, I walk past the glaring eyes of some very cool people who can also somehow afford to be at a sample sale on a Monday and put the shirt back. To celebrate I wander to Harrods with my friend and do the exact same thing with a more expensive Raf Simons shirt.
5pm: We go to Soho for a coffee, which descends into Monday night drinks. I have some dinner which is actually just some tinned vine leaves from a corner shop because they are fucking delicious. They cost £1.17. It’s almost my birthday and so my friend gets the drinks, which is so incredibly kind, and we toast each other and end up getting really drunk and near-fighting with the man on the next table because he is shit-talking about women with his other lad friends. We storm out of the establishment, and then I buy us two shots at Garlic & Shots and we go our separate ways. £11.17
Total: £22.37
Day Six
1pm: A friend is going to America for a while for work so we go and get dim sum to say goodbye. We talk about bi-erasure a lot and I am checked on sometimes erasing the experience of bi people, or assuming it’s not as hard for them as it is for me, which is a very easy pattern to slip into and I promise to do better. We also talk about how glad we are that Lady Gaga is BACK! We order loads. £22.20
2pm: Take friend for a bubble tea to say good luck in America, and I have a taro tea which is like popcorn and delicious. Feel very heavy after, like a potato. £9.50
7pm: Go home and read about bi-erasure. Start to write article about male plastic surgery and gender. Have to leave to go to a friend’s for dinner, which is lovely, and we get very drunk. Buy a cheap bottle of prosecco-ish which I still think is q expensive. No matter how long I live in London, I can’t get over the price difference between here and my home town, in which a bottle of prosecco at a pub is like £7. £10.99
Total: £42.69
Day Seven
8am: Have an early meeting, have run out of cigarettes. Buy cigarettes and a bottle of water because my metal one has started to smell a bit of pond water but didn’t have time to wash it. Feel bad about plastic. I buy breakfast even though I’m meeting a company with way more money than me and like what else is the point of being a freelancer if not for a free breakfast? Fags + water + breakfast: £37.48
1.30pm: Need a poo but am out of the house so have to buy a coffee in a place in Soho which makes me need a poo more but then realise that their toilet is out of order. Peg it to Soho House (mood) and blag my way in and they say yes and then I have a glorious luxury poo. £3.20
2pm: Now going to band rehearsal in Manor Park. I’m wearing some bright coloured pants and a suit jacket and carrying a mini Fendi baguette which I got for £11!! When I come out of Manor Park, a man spits on me because I’m gay and it lands on my lapel. Feel sad for a moment, scared for a moment, and decide to go to a health shop and buy some liquid iron sachets (wtf?) and also a sandwich from the next door shop. £16.20
8pm: It’s my birthday tomorrow so we have a birthday drink thing tonight. It’s actually really beautiful and I feel so loved and we have it at this pub near my house run by this amazing Northern couple from near where I’m from and they moved to London (having never been!) in January to take over this pub and they let us have it for the night. It was wonderful and the horrible spit mark had disappeared and all of us celebrated because queerness and because India legalised gay sex and the thought of 1.3 billion people now being legally allowed to have gay sex is a cause for celebration. I didn’t buy a single drink, thank you to my lovely friends.
Pretty much none of us is educated enough about periods. Did you know, for instance, that period pain is way worse in the colder months? Nope, us neither.
The sad truth is that until some people stop treating periods as if they're a weird, secret and shameful thing that women have to go through every month, we'll never reach the point where we're able to be fully open about them. Bodyform, the first sanitary product company to depict period blood as red instead of blue liquid in its adverts, is encouraging everyone – whether they have a period or not – to aim for #bloodnormal, ie. the point where periods are treated as just another thing that happens; like breathing, walking and talking.
To help further #bloodnormal, we decided to sit down and have a frank conversation with a bunch of men about periods. What was the first thing they learned about them? What do they know about them now? And most importantly – just how much blood do they think we women lose a month?
And oh boy, was it worth it...
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When Bhagirathi Bajagain, 20, started her period six years ago, her family imposed the traditional Nepali practice of 'Chhaupadi' – forcing her to sleep outside in a small, windowless hut during menstruation.
When I was little, I used to beg my mum not to tell anyone when she’d got her period. I didn’t really understand what menstruation was, but I knew that as soon as she started bleeding, she’d be made to sleep outside the house in a hut on top of the cowshed, and I’d be made to do her chores. Looking back, I think I mostly wanted to escape from doing the housework, but I always wondered how she must feel when she was in the hut. It was so small and uncomfortable. I thought she must be really scared, sleeping there alone in the dark. I couldn’t imagine the same thing happening to me.
I grew up in western Nepal, in a district called Tikapur. I have two brothers – one older, one younger – and I go to college nearby, where I’m studying accounts. I want to get my master's degree and then become a banker. As soon as you step onto the college campus, boys and girls are treated the same. There are almost equal numbers of us in my class.
Unfortunately, it’s not the same in my village. Until recently, everyone believed that periods were dirty and that women who stayed in their houses while menstruating would be cursed and unable to have children or get married. To protect ourselves against this, we would practise ‘Chhaupadi Pratha’ – which means that women and girls of all ages have to sleep outside during their periods; normally in a small wooden hut or shelter.
Photo: Courtesy Of Restless Development
I was 14 years old when I got my period for the first time. I thought I was bleeding because I must be ill or something, and I felt so frightened that it took me about an hour before I summoned up the courage to tell my mum. She calmed me down and told me that she was the same age when she started her periods, and taught me how to use cotton cloths to absorb the blood. Then she told me I had to start sleeping in the Chhaupadi hut. I didn’t have a choice.
The first night was terrifying. I thought I was going to die out there. The hut was right outside our house, and compared to most of the other huts in the village, I suppose it wasn’t that bad. There was a small bedframe with a mattress, for one thing. But there weren’t any windows, and the door was just an open entrance. I lay awake worrying that somebody was going to come in and hurt me, or imagining snakes slithering over to bite me and kill me in the dark. I just wanted to make it through the night alive. I only managed to fall asleep the next morning when I heard everyone else waking up outside.
During the day, having my period was fine. I would get stomach cramps and feel a bit sleepier than usual, but I was allowed to leave the hut and go to school like normal. It was only when I got home in the evenings that things changed. Nobody in my family could touch me, and I wasn’t allowed to eat dairy products. I had to sit separately during mealtimes, and I couldn’t do my homework because there wasn’t electricity in the hut and it was too dark to read. As soon as the sun started going down, I would start to feel anxious. I dreaded everything about that place.
I was suffering a lot, but I didn’t fight back at the start because I didn’t know there was an alternative. Sometimes my friends and I would have our periods at the same time, so we’d sleep in each other’s huts for company. We all accepted that this was just the way things were. But one night when I was alone, it rained really heavily. I sat on my bed in the dark, scared that insects and snakes were going to come inside and wondering why I was being treated like this. I couldn’t understand why even my own family didn’t seem to see how difficult it was. It felt like nobody cared about me.
That was the night I decided to rebel.
Photo: Courtesy Of Restless Development
There were a few women in our community who came from a different cultural group and who didn’t follow Chhaupadi Pratha. I knew that people talked behind their backs, but as far as I could tell, nothing bad ever seemed to happen to them. Even my health teacher at school insisted that menstruation was natural, and that Chhaupadi was just a Nepali superstition. But my parents are both incredibly strict – my dad is a priest and my mum is very religious – and it felt impossible to talk to them.
It was only when I was 18 that I heard about a new programme organised by the nongovernmental organisations Restless Development and PeaceWin, called Towards Abolition Of Chhaupadi Practices, and things really started to change for me. They came to our village and told us that they would help us to overcome the tradition. One of the Restless Development supervisors offered to come and speak to my parents on my behalf. It took about three or four months to convince them, but eventually they gave in and allowed me to sleep inside. My mum followed suit shortly after.
Photo: Courtesy Of Restless Development
These days when I get my period, everything is normal. I’m still not allowed in the kitchen, but I spend my evenings studying my college textbooks before making my bed and going to sleep under a soft duvet. Our family’s Chhaupadi hut lies empty, except for when it’s being used to store hay for the buffalo. But even though the government says Chhaupadi is illegal now, some women and girls from my village are still made to sleep outside during menstruation. There aren’t any huts left, so they just curl up in small shelters in front of their houses. And when I see them, I feel so sad. I wish they could speak up against Chhaupadi as well.
Restless Development is a charity that helps young people from all over the world come up with solutions to help solve the problems in their communities, from ending child marriage to preventing HIV. To get involved or find out more, visit their website.
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Red lips, sharp parts, oversized sunglasses, this is the Fashion Week beauty uniform you see on show-goers every season, without fail. But somewhere between a trusty tube of Ruby Woo and the latest retro sunnies, the fashion pack got bored. How do we know? Because there are wild cards walking in the front door — and they're bright and unapologetically pink.
Pink hair isn't new, but the coolest women at New York Fashion Week are sporting the shade in ways that feel so fresh, they might make you forget this trend has been simmering for years. This weekend alone we spotted technicolor tips, baby pink cornrows, an electric pixie, and so much more.
Click ahead to check out new, modern ways to try the shade courtesy of NYFW's chicest outliers.
These baby pink braids are all you need to shoot a simple outfit (plus a bare face and neutral nails, for the record!) straight to street style stardom.
Photographed by Joanna Totolici.
It's not easy keeping a vibrant colour this bright and fresh, but with impact like this, we know why it's worth it.
Photographed by Joanna Totolici.
Magenta? Deep rose? Pantone colour 207C? No matter how specific you want to get about these knockout, red-meets-pink box braids, they're worth copying.
Photographed by Joanna Totolici.
Forget damage and countless Saturdays spent at the salon — a pop of pink on the ends does the job with gusto.
Photographed by Joanna Totolici.
Refinery29 's associate stylist, Michelle Li, matches her hair and blouse for a can't-look-away effect.
Photographed by Joanna Totolici.
And she's not the only one. This vibrant shade is even chicer with a colour-coordinated shirt and matching lipstick.
Photographed by Joanna Totolici.
One of our favourite looks on this list, bleaching and colouring your ends is a commitment-free way to try the trend.
Photographed by Joanna Totolici.
What's cooler than a bedhead-inspired pink bun? One with DGAF roots.
Photographed by Joanna Totolici.
Of course, pink can be feminine and girly, too — just break out your curling tongs and go to town.
Photographed by Joanna Totolici.
Balance a bold colour with a classic length — like this stunning box braid lob.
Photographed by Joanna Totolici.
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For Austin-based social media mogul Genevieve Padalecki, the idea of parenthood always came with certain expectations. As soon as she became a mother herself though, she quickly realised that in reality, motherhood isn't as neatly packaged as she had initially thought. But with every inevitable hiccup and small victory with her three (adorable) kids, she came to learn just how strong she was and how there is beauty in being authentic — as in, in being vulnerable — every step of the way.
What helps make her multifaceted world a lot more manageable? Denim she can rely on to feel confident in both style and performance. The staple jeans in Genevieve's closet are none other than 7 For All Mankind's Luxe Vintage jeans, made with LYCRA® dualFX® fabric — a vintage-inspired style with the comfort and flexibility she needs as a mother always on the move. These are the kind of jeans that make getting dressed in the morning just one less thing to worry about and one more thing to feel unapologetically good about. Watch how Genevieve does it all in the video above — because at the end of the day, it's what's inside that matters most, and being comfortable in your own skin never goes out of style.
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The day it was announced that Mishal Husain would join BBC Radio 4’s Today programme in 2013, I received multiple texts from female friends saying "YES! Mishal is the best! Well done the BBC!" She was the first ever Muslim presenter on the programme and at 40, the youngest ever, too. She was cool, smart and she changed Radio 4 – at least for me – from something my parents banged on about incessantly, to something I banged on about incessantly.
Over the last five years presenting the 6am to 9am radio show, as well as the Sunday evening news on BBC One, Mishal has shown us fire, grit and guts in her interview style, unwavering determination and a formidable work ethic that gets her up at 3am on weekdays to be in the studio by 4am, preparing for the show.
Alongside this workload and three young children, Mishal has written a book called The Skills: From First Job to Dream Job, What Every Woman Needs to Know, out now and published by 4th Estate. Drawing on her own experiences, it offers seasoned advice on how to carry yourself professionally as a woman through the many challenges and criticisms of a high-powered career.
Growing up between Abu Dhabi, Saudi Arabia and Kent, Mishal studied law at Cambridge before starting her career in journalism as a producer at Bloomberg TV. She did very well, very quickly, and joined the BBC at 25, four years later becoming the corporation's Washington correspondent covering the Iraq war. Nicknamed the BBC's 'golden girl', her career trajectory is difficult to relate to, but she is relatable – much more so with the publication of this book, where she admits to feeling terrified on her first day and to the nerves that come with interrogating world leaders live in front of seven million people.
Here's how to weather storms and make the very best use of the time you have available, from the woman with the scariest job in media.
How did you find the time to write this book?
On a practical level, it was really hard to fit it in around the day job and family commitments, so there were times when I kept Today programme timings even when I wasn’t on air. When you have children of school age, your day is very short, so sometimes I would get up at 4 and work for two hours before they got up. Often they were the most productive hours of the day. Around the time I started writing, I met [novelist and BBC reporter] Robert Harris and, I can’t remember the exact words he used, but words to the effect of: don’t try to write the perfect line or the perfect paragraph, just write, because when you look back on something you thought you rushed off and compare it with something you spent a lot of time perfecting, they’re actually likely to be very similar.
You talk about a five-year plan and the importance of short-term and long-term goals in the book. Have you always planned for the future in this way?
There was a period in my late 20s where a lot of exciting things happened in my career in quick succession and I look back on that now and realise that I became quite reliant on being asked to do interesting things and on new things coming my way, rather than having to push for them. It was only later on, in my 30s, that I started to think things were stalling and I needed to learn how to aim for the next stage. I had a really good job at BBC World and I loved the international news but I thought, 'Okay, I’ve probably got one more big thing in terms of the lifespan of a career, and if I’m aiming for those sorts of programmes [like Today] I need to work out now how I’m going to get there, because those jobs are not going to suddenly land in my lap'.
You say it took a long time before you started to enjoy presenting the Today programme. How did you get through that period?
When I got the job on the Today programme, it was absolutely extraordinary but I was full of apprehension. I thought, 'I've got this amazing job but am I going to be able to do it?' I put a lot of sobering research into the book about the perceptions of women and how women might be perceived against comparable men, because it’s important to remember when you find things tough that it’s not just about you or your capacity – or lack of capacity. Had I stopped doing Today at any point in those first three years, I would have looked back on it and thought, 'That was really hard, maybe it wasn't for me'. But now I can look back and think, 'God, those first three years were really hard because it's a hard job – and one that's full of scrutiny'.
I don’t want to sit back, I want to be on the edge of my seat.
There’s a lot about about pushing yourself, and challenging yourself to do scary things in the book. Can you ever just get comfortable in a job?
I remain afraid of getting too comfortable because I think that’s the point where it could be all taken away from me. Although I’m able to say I enjoy working on the Today programme now, even that has a degree of comfort, and I don’t want to sit back, I want to be on the edge of my seat. You want to move on on your own terms, before other people start thinking, ‘Haven’t they done that for a long time’ or before everything gets a bit stale. In most jobs, there’s a period where you see things and you’re really effective, and then there’s often a period (although this is not the case for everyone) where you go on for too long and you probably don’t have the same level of energy or insight as you did when you saw that world with fresh eyes. I think you definitely want to be the one asking yourself the question, 'Should I be thinking of something else?' rather than feeling like other people are looking at you in that way.
How do you avoid burnout?
In my job, the perils are so obvious and the working hours are so shocking, that you have to pace yourself. I'm really quite militant about my diary, I won't go out at night before I do an early shift. There are times when I can't say no – for instance if there's a big breaking news story, then I disappear and I don't have any sleep for days, but I can do that once in a while, I can run myself ragged for that period of time. But as far as possible, I try and pace things out because I know I'll pay a price, and my family will pay a price. Who knows what kind of capacity we have throughout our lives? That’s not to say I will never go through the kinds of things I've seen some of my colleagues, and other people, go through, but I do try and guard against it in a practical way at least, as much as I can. If you're a reasonably effective person, a lot of interesting things will come your way. It's that classic mantra: if you want something done, you ask a busy person. There are certain kinds of people who get loaded with doing everything in the office or everything people want done, and if you are one of those people, you have to be very strict with yourself.
Do you ever find it hard to concentrate at work, or feel an urge to procrastinate?
Procrastination is much less of an issue working on a programme like Today because we only have between 4 and 6 in the morning to prepare, and I've learned to my cost that if I daydream even for five minutes, that was five minutes I really needed to be reading that brief rather than staring at my screen. As a journalist, I find it hard to do my best work without being up against a tight deadline – a tight deadline forces it out of you.
What advice would you give women who suspect they might be being paid less than male counterparts but don’t know for sure?
Usually, there are one or two colleagues you can trust and confide in, who probably, equally, would like to know where they are on a pay scale. They could be your direct peers, or someone above you. Start with a really small circle and just try and gather some information, internally and externally. These conversations [with bosses about pay] fill most people with dread, but try and take the emotion out of it, try and depersonalise it. You don't have to make it a big dramatic thing of 'Aren't I worth more than this?' You should root it firmly in your achievements – 'In the last year, I have done all of these things. This is what I'm planning to do in the next year' – so that it's not about judgements or value or worth, it's about much more concrete things which are harder for them to disagree with, and easier for you to put forward.
At the start of a new job, how can you resist the urge to take on everything in an attempt to prove yourself?
There will be some people to whom you need to prove yourself more than others. Maybe it's your immediate boss, maybe it's their boss. Try to make sure that the work you do is filed or recognised in some way. We ourselves forget over a period of time what it is we did, let alone what it is we did that was good, so find ways to register it, keep a file, because when it comes to your appraisal, you want to be able to quickly remember the most important things you've done that year.
Now I'm not trying to beat the nerves, I just see it as part of raising my game.
If you could fast-track your 20-year-old self with one key life skill, which skill would you give yourself?
In my 20s I definitely thought, 'If something slips away now, it's gone forever'. There were jobs I saw my colleagues get in my 20s and I thought 'Why didn't I get that?' So I would tell myself what I know now, which is that if you are good at what you do, you will find your way and it may be in a slightly different route to how you imagine, but the key thing is just to carry on being good at what you do, because I think more responsibility comes to those who are effective at what they do already. It would have been no use in my 20s to be thinking 'I really want to be a presenter' and actually be a rubbish producer in the meantime. That's not your route to your dream job.
What’s the most nervous you’ve been to interview someone?
I'm nervous all the time. If you tell me I'm going to interview the prime minister in two hours' time, I will feel nervous, but I'll also get down to work straightaway. I may have half an hour, or I may have several days – whatever time I have, I’ll use it to prepare. But who's to say it's going to be a better interview with two days' preparation or two hours' preparation? I'm not sure I could operate without nerves, I need that feeling, that frisson of apprehension that runs through me because it really focuses my mind. And it's been hugely helpful to recognise that, because now I'm not trying to beat the nerves, I just see it as part of raising my game.
Part of your job is to ask very challenging questions to very challenging people. How do you have the confidence to ask those questions?
When I interviewed Aung San Suu Kyi in 2013, I asked her about the Rohingya and about what was already evidence of ethnic cleansing underway in Myanmar. It was a really hard question to ask because at that point, she was the world's heroine and it felt like a big step to put her on the spot and ask about something that it was clear she would not want to be asked about. That was not an easy thing to do, but I did it, and I felt I went as far as I could with it. And even though she essentially batted away the question, I'm really glad I asked it at the time I did, because had I not done that, I would now be looking back and kicking myself, saying 'You had the chance to interview Aung San Suu Kyi – and she almost never gives interviews, she’s basically given two interviews in the five years since – and you didn’t ask'. Of course it takes courage to ask difficult questions, but you don't want to look back and think, 'I didn't seize that moment'. I'm in this very privileged position where I get to question the powerful, and very few people are in that sort of position. I also have to be prepared that some of the things I ask will turn out to be the wrong things! You regret the things you ask as well as the things you didn't ask! All of that goes with the territory. No one gets it right all the time.
