Your shampoo, perfume, deodorant and other everyday household products could be as dangerous as car pollution, new research suggests.
Scientists studying air pollution in Los Angeles, writing in the journal Science, said the way we produce air pollution has changed in recent years. Up to half of the volatile organic compounds (VOCs) in the air may now come from domestic products, which include beauty and grooming products, perfumes, paint, pesticides and bleach.
While the study was carried out in the US, the researchers said the findings could be applied to other industrialised cities and suburbs, too.
Previously, most of these harmful compounds came from the transport sector, but "as transportation gets cleaner, those other sources become more and more important,” said lead author Brian McDonald. “The stuff we use in our everyday lives can impact air pollution.”
The compounds, which degrade into particles known as PM2.5, can cause breathing problems and lung damage and have been blamed for 29,000 premature deaths each year in the UK. PM2.5 particles are one of the biggest known causes of air pollution around the world and vehicle emissions have often been blamed as the main contributor.
However as countries have made improvements in this area, the researchers highlighted the need to tackle other sources of pollution, too, including everyday household products. Joost de Gouw, from the University of Colorado Boulder, said that while we only use a small amount of these products compared to fuel in our daily lives, "fuel is combusted very efficiently" with just a small amount making its way into the atmosphere.
Our cleaning and grooming products, meanwhile, have a more severe impact as the VOCs form ozone and PM2.5 particles, making them a health risk. Co-author Jessica Gilman, of the US National Oceanic and Atmospheric Administration, said: "Volatile chemical products used in common solvents and personal care products are literally designed to evaporate. You wear perfume or use scented products so that you or your neighbour can enjoy the aroma. You don’t do this with gasoline,” reported Huff Post UK. She advised people to reduce the amount of product they use or use only unscented products.
The findings of another new study from Norway also highlighted the health damage caused by cleaning products. Researchers found that everyday cleaning sprays could be doing as much damage to women's lungs as smoking 20 cigarettes a day.
It's still not unusual to come across recommended reading lists that contain barely any female authors. Despite women dominating UK bestseller lists last year, they are frequently overlooked for big literary prizes in the past.
So, three cheers for Penguin Random House, which is launching a pop-up book shop in London that will stock only female authors. The shop, Like A Woman, will be open from 5th-9th March in Shoreditch, east London, to mark International Women's Day on the 8th of the month.
The shop, a partnership with Waterstones, will also host literary events and aims to celebrate the centenary of the Representation of the People Act, which gave many women the right to vote in the UK.
It will showcase more than 200 authors, including those who have contributed to the fight for gender equality. Think Margaret Atwood, Malorie Blackman, Iris Murdoch and Malala Yousafzai, as well as literary favourites like Zadie Smith, Ali Smith and Naomi Alderman. Shoppers will also be able to bag recently-released tomes by writers such as Afua Hirsch and Penelope Bagieu.
Books will be grouped under headings including ‘Essential feminist reads’, ‘Inspiring young readers’, ‘Women to watch’ and ‘Changemakers'.
The initiative will also raise money for a good cause. Proceeds from event ticket sales will be donated to Solace Women’s Aid, a charity that has been supporting and offering shelter to domestic violence survivors in London for over 40 years, and punters will be able to buy books to donate to the charity.
Zainab Juma, Penguin Random House's creative manager, described it as "a space where readers can look to incredible writers, activists and pioneers for the inspiration to go forward and make change like a woman.” We'll see you there.
Visit Like a Woman at 1-3 Rivington Street, EC2A 3DT. It will be open from 10am to 6:30pm from 5th-9th March. Head to Penguin's website for more information.
If you're going through a relationship rough patch, there are times when all you want is an unbiased source to give you some solid advice. Sure, you could talk to your friends, or you could see a therapist. But sometimes you just need someone to remind you that you're not alone, and maybe even tell you what to do. This is where relationship podcasts come in.
These days, you can learn so much just from listening to a podcast, whether you want to hear stories about serial killers and murder or dish about D-list celebrity gossip. And yes, you can even discover things about your own relationship just by listening to strangers talk about theirs.
Given that, we found the best podcasts to listen to when you're looking for some insight or guidance about your relationship. Listening to these won't necessarily solve all your problems, but they may be just the thing you needed to hear.
Newlyweds Chase and Sarah share their own wisdom about marriage and raising a family, with the help of relationship experts, therapists, and real couples in this podcast. They tend to cover topics like divorce, dating with kids, financial problems, and infidelity — but their advice is applicable regardless of what stage you are in your own relationship.
The best friends who host this podcast, Kathy Tu and Tobin Low, describe themselves as "super queer" and "super fun." The show is dedicated to telling real people's stories about what it's like to be LGBTQ+ today — and they often talk about coming out and falling in love. Anyone can submit a story to be featured on the show, but they've also had famous LGBTQ+ guests, like Lena Waithe and Tegan and Sara.
Fans of the New York Times column Modern Love will gush over the spinoff podcast, which features readings from famous people and actual columnists. Whether you're having dating troubles or trying to mend a bond with your family, there's something you can learn from each piece.
Ever wondered what advice your favourite celebrity would give about your specific relationship issues? Well, Anna Faris is here to make that happen. Each episode, she hosts a celebrity guest, then surprises callers who have submitted their relationship and dating woes. While the point of her podcast is to offer "unqualified" advice, Faris is incredibly wise, seems to care deeply about each caller, and isn't afraid to admit when she's been through a similar situation.
Prepare to have breakthroughs about your own relationship while listening to the brilliant relationship therapist Esther Perel's podcast. The episodes are recorded, one-time couple's therapy sessions, during which they tackle complex issues like gender identity, infertility, infidelity, and trauma in a concise format. And who knows? It may convince you to go to couple's therapy on your own.
Having a crush when you’re in a relationship is a bloody tricky business. It’s hard enough when you’re single. Unrequited feelings, awkward encounters, accidentally saying “I love you” when you meant to say “Did you see my email about tomorrow’s meeting?” It’s an absolute minefield.
When you’re in a relationship and you have a crush, you’re adding a whole new layer of potential pitfalls and danger. Because isn’t crushing on other people supposed to stop when you meet bae and settle down? Isn’t a crush when you’re coupled up a warning? A bad omen? A massive sign that your relationship is doomed to an imminent and terrible end? The short answer: of course not. You’re being dramatic. Have a hot lemon drink, relax, and read on.
Fancying other people isn’t always cause for alarm. It may even be something to celebrate, to lean into and enjoy. For couples considering polyamory or 'opening up' the relationship, crushes can act as a gentle middle ground for exploration. “Before we opened our relationship we used to talk about crushes all the time. It was jokey and fun, but realising how comfortable and open we could be helped us have the more difficult conversations,” said Kyle, 29. Crushes can also be a way for bisexual or pansexual people to feel connected to that aspect of their identity when they’re in a relationship.
Fancying other people isn’t always cause for alarm
Refinery29 reader Katy says: “I love my boyfriend and see a future, but I do feel strange when people assume I’m straight now just because I’m in a 'heterosexual' relationship. My crushes on women don’t feel like a betrayal – I’d never act on them – but it is nice to remind myself of who I am outside the relationship.” Crushes manifest differently in different people. For Holly, 25, a crush can be problematic. “I was diagnosed with borderline personality disorder when I was 22. My relationships until then had been unstable and obsessive. A lot of what I took to be mutual infatuation was imagined and over-exaggerated, and when the relationship (inevitably) fell apart, I fell apart too.” Now she’s with someone who understands her illness there are fewer triggers, and bad days are dealt with as a team. “But sometimes I still get obsessive about other people, and I attach a significance to them that they just don’t deserve, and their approval and attention begins to matter more than my partner’s.”
But what even is a crush? And how is it different from having actual feelings for someone outside of your relationship? Very often a crush has little to do with the subject itself. We see the crush as an idealised version of themself. They’re unattainable, mysterious – two qualities which so easily give way to sexiness when left unchecked.
With most crushes, the attraction is based solely on intrigue. In reality, like everyone on Earth, your crush contains truly unsexy multitudes. Maybe they don’t tip on dates. Maybe they’re selfish in bed. Maybe they litter and don’t believe in evolution. Whatever it is, they probably wouldn’t make a good match for you IRL and reminding yourself of this can be necessary if your imagination tends to get away from you. Almost everyone I spoke to agreed that celebrity crushes are a totally different kettle of fish from crushes on people you (and your partner) actually know. Lots of couples even have a “freebie list” of celebrities that they’re allowed to shag if the opportunity ever arises. Isabella, who happily jokes with her partner about all of her crushes, told me: “To be honest, I’d probably be proud of him if he ever got a chance with Hayley Williams.”
Far from being confessional and deeply shameful, talking and teasing one another about our crushes can be fun and supportive in many relationships. But what about when we’re not able to joke? Even when we can recognise a crush to be harmless, it doesn’t mean it won’t hurt to find out our partner is all swoony and googly-eyed about somebody who isn’t us.
“a crush can be harmless, but it ceases to be when...”
Of more than 2,400 women who responded to my poll on Twitter, 61% said that although they wouldn’t consider their partner having a crush an actual 'betrayal' they would still feel upset about it. We can be totally rational and outwardly relaxed, and still feel like our heart is being trodden on by a heavy-footed hamster in high heels. Not that this means we need to feel guilty about our own crushes, or necessarily worry if we find out that our partner fancies someone else a little bit. Scientifically speaking, our brains and our hearts can be impulsive and badly behaved idiots. Letting a crush burn out on its own is always preferable to (and a lot less work than) self-flagellation and misery. So where do we draw the line? If a crush is a reaction, and out of our control, at what point does it become a problem?
Back on Twitter, 18% of respondents said a crush becomes harmful when you fantasise about them, 55% when you flirt with them, and 27% when you confess your feelings to your crush. Taking action to spend more time (especially alone time) with the person you have a crush on seems to be where most people draw their line, and when an emotional or romantic bond has been made, something has gone way too far and needs correcting. And telling your partner that you’ve crossed this line can be terrifying. For some, it can trigger a discussion about boundaries that leaves the relationship stronger and more durable. For others, it can be the end of a relationship. One person, who would prefer to remain anonymous, said: “I drunkenly exchanged numbers with my crush, something I told my boyfriend the very next day. I expected a mature discussion, to apologise and for us to grow from it. Instead we argued and the whole thing broke down around us.”
Ultimately, there are no universal laws for crush decorum. Far better to let each arising situation be a conversation and build a system with your partner (or partners) that works for you. There are questions you can ask yourself if you’re worried about a crush. Are you taking steps to nurture or prolong your feelings for this person? Does it feel different to other crushes that have come before? Do you feel at risk of betraying your partner’s trust? Keep an honest and open dialogue with yourself, and judge yourself by your actions, not your impulses. So have your crushes, let them burn bright and then let them burn out. Respect your partner by crossing no lines, but don’t agonise. Crushes are fun and life is short. They can energise and motivate us, give us something to think about on our commute or when we’re cleaning the oven. You don’t need to feel guilty every time your heart reaches for something you know you can’t have. The world is an odd and shadowy place, so allow yourself small joys, and remember that it’s possible to be a wonderful person and partner and still catch the odd crush. Exhale. You’re fine.
The public has been fantasising about Jennifer Aniston and Brad Pitt since the '90s, both separately and together. Separately, it was the handsome Missouri boy who looked like a god and the girl-next-door Californian who was both beautiful and funny. Together, they were the power couple of Hollywood. They were the pinnacle of the young, cool, California way of life. They were tanned, blonde, and rich. They were living out a fantasy.
In their joint statement announcing the split, Aniston and Theroux try to tackle the enduring fantasy head-on by lovingly calling out the "gossip industry" before they start to "speculate and invent" on their own. Aniston has been at the butt of so many rumours, exaggerations, and totally invasive paparazzi photos, that she preemptively knows how to handle a big celebrity announcement. "Don't fantasise about my personal life" is what she really wants to stay, but instead she churns out a statement with a subtle "fuck you"' aimed at sites who run headlines like this. And despite Aniston taking control of the narrative with an official statement as ironclad as her rumoured prenup, the public still can't resist pointing out that for the first time since their intense split, Pitt and Aniston are both single at the same time. It does not matter how or why or when or where Aniston became single – she's single, and the people know what they want. Once America's Sweethearts, always America's Sweethearts.
Somewhere, Jennifer Aniston is crafting her "Hey, let's grab coffee and catch up" text to Brad Pitt. https://t.co/pXLGo7O4Mp
So, why are people so obsessed with a couple that has been broken up for over a decade? Celebrity couples break up all the time — what makes Pitt and Aniston such fodder for these fantasies? The most obvious answer is simple — because these fantasies actually play out all the time. Hollywood is basically known for them. The idea of two celebrities getting together, breaking up, and then reuniting later on in life has happened time and time again. There's Elizabeth Taylor and Richard Burton, Melanie Griffith and Don Johnson, Justin Bieber and Selena Gomez, Miley Cyrus and Liam Hemsworth; there's no one type of celebrity couple that hasn't tried their shot at a fairytale reunion. But none of these rekindlings would hold a candle to Pitt and Aniston getting back together. Their breakup was one of the most covered spectacles of recent tabloid history. People made shirts.
Brad Pitt’s single... now Jennifer Aniston is single... I would Not be mad if they got back together. 👀 pic.twitter.com/R4rGAecGOr
These celebrities play out fantasies on screen everyday, and that line gets blurred with each and every grand gesture in every rom-com or epic love story. Pitt saved Troy — can he save Aniston next, too? (Even though the rhetoric around her split from Theroux has placed Aniston far from being the victim — an idea she has been trying to distance herself from for years now, telling The Hollywood Reporter in 2015: "If the world only could just stop with the stupid, soap-opera bullshit. There's no story. I mean, at this point it's starting to become — please, give more credit to these human beings.") One person's fantasy is another's worst soap-opera nightmare. And while this wet dream of a Pitt-Aniston reunion continues to permeate the Internet with wishful headlines and dead-end analyses into a defunct relationship, it's clear to a few people (as well to a source to literal PEOPLE) that Pitt and Aniston will not rekindle any kind of romance. The fact that the both of them are single is not fate, or the stars aligning. They're not Romeo and Juliet or Tristan and Isolde or Noah and Allie. They're not your fantasy — they're exes.
I don’t know about you, but winter makes me want to get horizontal, under the comfort of three to five fuzzy duvets, preferably with a cup of something hot in my hand. It’s not just my lazy season — it’s a time of year when I revel in spending as much time as possible indoors, and moving from my cosy perch as infrequently as humanly possible.
Where does soup come into this equation? Even sloths need sustenance. Instead of relying on bland cans or tedious stews, I've crafted five soups that are made up of five ingredients (plus a few pantry staples), take under an hour to make, and don't require exact measurements (only ratios) — so you can easily heat up a lot or a little, whenever you please. Scroll ahead for the ultimate in steamy, homemade non-recipes — from a white veggie chili, to a vegan black bean soup, and more — so you can stay lazy and soupy with me as we countdown the days until spring.
"Easy, Breezy, Vegan" Black Bean Soup This black bean soup can be whipped up in a cinch with creamy cashew milk and smooth sweet potatoes.
Ingredients Carton of cashew milk Can of black beans, drained and rinsed Garlic, minced Parsley, chopped Sweet potatoes, cubed
Pantry Staples Olive oil Salt and pepper
Instructions 1. Preheat oven to 425°. Coat cubed sweet potatoes on a sheet pan with a drizzle of olive oil and sprinkle of salt and pepper. Once oven is preheated, place sheet pan inside for 20-25 minutes.
2. Meanwhile, use pantry staples (drizzle of olive oil with a hefty pinch of salt and pepper) to sauté minced garlic, chopped parsley, and black beans over medium heat in a large soup pot.
3. Once the garlic, parsley, and beans have softened (about 3-5 minutes), add in desired 4:1 cups ratio of cashew milk and water. Bring to a boil and then reduce to a simmer.
4. Once simmering, add in roasted sweet potato cubes and remove from heat. Leave to cool before transferring to a blender or using an immersion blender in the pot (about 10 minutes). Blend until smooth and serve with a garnish of parsley, olive oil, and salt and pepper.
Illustrated by Louisa Cannell.
"That's So Rustic" Chicken Soup Channel your inner Ina Garten (except much, much lazier) and throw some pre-made rotisserie chicken and a splash of white wine into a pot for this simple chicken soup.
Ingredients Container of chicken stock Store-bought rotisserie chicken, shredded or cubed Bottle of white wine Bunch of spring onions, finely chopped Farro, cooked to package instructions
Pantry Staples Olive oil Salt and pepper
Instructions 1. Use pantry staples (drizzle of olive oil with a hefty pinch of salt and pepper) to sauté desired amount of chopped spring onions over medium heat.
2. Once translucent and softened (about 3-5 minutes), add in desired 3:1:1 cups ratio of stock, wine, and water. Bring to a boil and then reduce to a simmer.
3. Once simmering, add in desired amount of cooked farro and rotisserie chicken. Stir to incorporate, remove from heat, and leave to sit covered before serving (5 to 10 minutes). Serve with a garnish of sliced spring onions, olive oil, and salt and pepper.
Illustrated by Louisa Cannell.
"Nacho Normal" White Chili Not all chilis are red — try this white take for a fast and fresh midweek blitz.
Ingredients Container of veggie stock Can of cannellini beans, drained and rinsed Bottle of white wine Broccoli florets Quinoa, cooked to package instructions
Pantry Staples Olive oil Salt and pepper
Instructions 1. Preheat oven to 425°. Coat broccoli florets on a sheet pan with a drizzle of olive oil and sprinkle of salt and pepper. Once oven is preheated, place sheet pan inside for 20-25 minutes.
2. Meanwhile, use pantry staples (drizzle of olive oil with a hefty pinch of salt and pepper) to sauté cannellini beans over medium heat in a large soup pot.
3. Once softened (about 5-8 minutes), add in desired 3:1:1 cups ratio of stock, white wine, and water. Bring to a boil and then reduce to a simmer.
4. Once simmering, add in desired amount of cooked quinoa and roasted broccoli florets. Stir to incorporate, remove from heat, and leave covered before serving (5 to 10 minutes). Serve with a garnish of olive oil and salt and pepper.
Illustrated by Louisa Cannell.
"No Slow Cooker, No Problem" Stew When setting it and forgetting it is still too much, try making this speedy bacon "stew" instead — no slow cooking required.
Ingredients Container of beef stock Bacon, chopped Bottle of red wine Parsley, chopped Barley, cooked to package instructions
Pantry Staples Olive oil Salt and pepper
Instructions 1. Use pantry staples (drizzle of olive oil with a hefty pinch of salt and pepper) to sauté desire amount of chopped bacon and parsley over medium heat.
2. Once crispy and beginning to brown (about 5 minutes), add in desired 3:1:1 cups ratio of stock, wine, and water. Bring to a boil and then reduce to a simmer.
3. Once simmering, add in desired amount of cooked barley. Stir to incorporate, then remove from heat and leave to sit covered before serving (5 to 10 minutest). Serve with a garnish of parsley, olive oil, and salt and pepper.
Illustrated by Louisa Cannell.
"Can't Believe It's Not Cream" Tomato Soup Creamy and comforting tomato soup is easy — all you need is a few cauliflower florets and a splash of almond milk.
Instructions 1. Preheat oven to 425°. Coat cauliflower florets on a sheet pan with a drizzle of olive oil and sprinkle of salt and pepper. Once oven is preheated, place sheet pan inside for 20-25 minutes.
2. Meanwhile, use pantry staples (drizzle of olive oil with a hefty pinch of salt and pepper) to sauté minced garlic, chopped basil, and tomatoes over medium heat in a large soup pot.
3. Once softened (about 5 minutes), add in desired 4:1 cups ratio of almond milk and water. Bring to a boil and then reduce to a simmer.
4. Once simmering, add in roasted cauliflower florets and remove from heat. Leave to cool before transferring to a blender or using an immersion blender in the pot (about 10 minutes). Blend until smooth and serve with a garnish of basil, olive oil, and salt and pepper.
Illustrated by Louisa Cannell.
Like what you see? How about some more R29 goodness, right here?
I'm thankful that I can say that my relationship with my mother has never been as tenuous as the one depicted on screen in Lady Bird. The Greta Gerwig hit, starring Laurie Metcalf and Saoirse Ronan as mother and daughter, depicts the semi-autobiographical time in the director's life the year before she went to college. While Christine McPherson, aka Lady Bird, (Ronan) dreams of getting out of Sacramento, California and going to college on the esteemed east coast, Metcalf's character spends most of the movie preemptively building a safety net for her daughter's reckless dreams.
At least, that's the movie I saw.
When I brought my mother to see the film — a Monday afternoon matineé my first day home for the Thanksgiving holiday, which happens to be a very fitting time to see the film — it became clear that the message of Gerwig's Lady Bird changes depending on which side of motherhood you sit. For me, this was the story of a young girl who is figuring out who she is while pursuing her dreams against all odds. For my mom, it was about a woman working thanklessly in pursuit of what's best. Luckily, both stories are perfect.
Below is the conversation I had with my mom on the way home from the theatre, during which we discussed what it was like to be a mother, but, especially, what it was like to both be daughters.
2017
Me: Okay, mom. What did you think of Lady Bird?
My mom: I really loved it. I liked just thinking about the mother-daughter interactions, having been on both sides of that.
Were there any particular instances in the movie that felt familiar to you?
Am I in therapy right now?
For you as a mother, not you as a daughter.
Yes, there were a couple. There was a way the mom asked questions of Lady Bird. I felt like she was harsher than I was. But there was a way she would try to get information out of her daughter and, you know, you're sort of trying to make a wide circle around something, and ask a question just to understand more about their life and who they are.
What's an instance of that?
I remember in the dress trying-on part...
Cause I think what's probably interesting about this movie is that someone who is a mother probably latches onto instances —
— different things —
— than the one who is watching as a daughter.
I think that's true.
The follow-up questions are only because —
— I'm seeing something you didn't see.
Yeah.
I felt like she was trying to make a connection but Lady Bird was very...distant, and it was clearly hard for the mom to reach across and make that connection. There are times when you have teenage daughters, they're growing up and forming their lives and trying to make their own decisions and be really independent, and you miss just being a little more involved in things.
What I could relate to, although our situations might have been different, was just trying to reach across and draw out someone who is really wanting to assert their independence, so they're not wanting to share themselves in the way the mom wants them to share. So the relationship is changing and it's when that happens. You want to have closeness and yet you want your daughter to be independent and maybe that's something you just have to go through, but it's hard when the daughter is like, "I don't want to talk about what's going on in my life."
So when you watch, you're like, "The mom is trying and can't break through to Lady Bird," and when I watch, I see it the other way. But I think that has a lot to do with...
What did you see?
I just saw it from Lady Bird's perspective where the mom wanted Lady Bird to be a certain way and she was not going to be that way and when she tried to show the mom her true self, the mom wasn't receptive to that.
That is true.
I think both these things are true. But obviously you're inclined to connect to the mother's side and I'm young enough to connect with Lady Bird.
The daughter growing from a dependent to an independent person was happening that whole year, and that was hard for both of them, actually.
Did watching this remind you of any instances or struggles or fights that we had when I was that age? You can be honest. None of this is gonna hurt my feelings. Would you say that that time in my life felt frustrating?
2011
Yes. In totally different ways. There was a point where you were a junior and, all of a sudden, school had come really easy to you and then you were dealing with classes that were really difficult. Being able to talk about that and how whatever you'd been doing before with study methods, as well as that had served you, wasn't going to serve you [anymore]. You were clearly upset because you were used to doing really well and you were having a hard time but it was also hard to have conversation where you didn't feel like we were coming down hard on you. Because of where you were age-wise, it's a time when you want to be making your own decisions and doing your own thing, but you didn't have all the tools in your toolkit to figure out how to get yourself to a better place. And you weren't necessarily wanting help, either.
Are there instances in Lady Bird that you identify with from a daughter's perspective?
I identified with the college leaving scene because when my parents dropped me off at college, my mom was, like, incredibly bitchy the entire time. In a way that, you know, I couldn't wait to leave, because I just couldn't handle it anymore. I know, now, in the same way that the mom in Lady Bird was just trying to hold her shit together, that my mom was having her own issues with me leaving but she wasn't able to express her feelings and say 'This is hard for me,' or 'I'm going to miss you.'
When you had me, did you instantly feel like you were a mother? Or did you still feel like a daughter? Do you feel like a daughter right now? When do you start identifying with one more than the other?
For me, the physical part of being pregnant and giving birth did not instantly change how I saw my identity. Actually, I think when that kind of snapped into place was March [of that year] and Dad had to go to work for a weekend fundraiser and I was by myself with you the whole weekend because, as it happened, a blizzard came and Dad couldn't get home. So it was the first time I had been 24/7 just dealing with having this infant and I was kind of panicky about it but at the same time, after that I was kind of like, 'Oh, I can do this. I have this baby.' It suddenly felt different.
I also think if you do have children of your own, that becomes such a focus of your life that your role as a daughter, at least for me, became secondary. There were times where we would make decisions conscious that this was in the best interest of the immediate nuclear family even if it's not gonna be received well by the families we came from. There is a shift. You don't forget that you're a daughter, and as my parents became elderly and their health started to fail, even though I wasn't really close with them, that idea of, 'But I'm their daughter, and they're my parents, and I need to be connected to them and look out for them in whatever way's appropriate,' that came back. It certainly doesn't go away.
Do you remember what our first fight would have been as two people cognizant of an argument?
The one that jumps out in my mind was when you had just gotten your driver's license and you were dying to go take the car out and do something with your friends.
I remember this vividly.
It was a dark night, it was a rainy night, and I think you had gotten your license within just a couple of days of this or something, and Dad and I didn't want you to go, and we said no, and you were unhappy with that.
I am still unhappy with that.
I don't have any memories of big epic fights.
The whole tension of the movie seemed to be that neither of them could say what they wanted to say to each other. Why do you think there's that inability? Do you think it's the time of life they're both in?
I think that you have to be able to be vulnerable with each other and that's hard to do between two people under any circumstances. Is there something unique in a mother-daughter context than in any other close human relationship? I'm not sure. I think that maybe that's another way of looking at the shift from being a dependent to independent person. For the daughter, she doesn't want to show any vulnerability because she wants to show that she can handle everything, and the mom has always handled everything so doesn't want to show any vulnerability. And actually, what they probably both needed most from each other was to let that down and just be together and be able to care for each other and show that.
Lady Bird, starring Ronan, Metcalf, Beanie Feldstein, Lucas Hedges, and Timothee Chalamet, is out in UK cinemas now.
The BRIT Awards plan to make a statement about sexual misconduct in the music industries, joining the Grammys and Golden Globes; however, this time the support is coming from the inside.
Support for the Time's Up and #MeToo movements at the aforementioned awards shows have previously been planned by attendees and outside groups. The British Phonographic Industry, who puts on the BRIT awards, has invited artists and attending guests to wear a white rose pin "as a symbol of solidarity." They partnered with Voices in Entertainment, the collective of female music executives who were the driving force behind artists wearing white roses at the Grammys this year. "If the Brit awards can help shine a light on such a sensitive topic, our hope is that it will ultimately help," awards' chair Jason Iley told The Guardian. Last year, BPI walked the walk by inviting 700 new voting members to take their 70% male voting base to nearly 50-50 split between men and women. The big question people are asking is, what is the industry doing to instigate change?
The nod to the suffragette movement has been met with a mixed response. Some feel that every little bit helps, while others feel like sartorial support does little to enact lasting transformation for a systemic problem. Chief executive of the British Academy of Songwriters, Composers and Authors, Vick Bain responded to The Guardian explaining why she will not be participating. "I personally will not be wearing a flower, not because I don’t have sympathy with the cause – I myself have experienced sexual harassment – but I feel however well-intentioned this action is, we should all be focused on creating meaningful change," she said. Others echoed her sentiment. What is a tribute if there are no lasting effects? Women have been speaking out for years. Often, their careers suffer as a result.
Lasting change in the music industry is an uphill battle. Not only is standing by women seen as a threat to profitability, but the call for change on an institutional level is met with unconscious bias. The music industry remains a boys club. A survey conducted by UK Music found that while women make up more than half of all entry-level positions in the industry, 60% to be exact, only 30% of senior executive roles are held by women.
We have reached out to BPI for clarification as to what their support of the Time's Up movement entails.
Like what you see? How about some more R29 goodness, right here?
Following the shooting at Marjory Stoneman Douglas High School in Parkland, Florida, which left at least 17 students and faculty dead, the media followed its usual talking points: Liberal pundits called for gun control, conservatives sent "thoughts and prayers." Many called for stronger security at schools, some even suggesting teachers should be armed.
What both sides seemed to agree on is that the suspected shooter, 19-year-old Nikolas Cruz, was "disturbed" and "mentally ill."
"So many signs that the Florida shooter was mentally disturbed, even expelled from school for bad and erratic behavior," President Donald Trump tweeted the day after the tragedy. "Neighbors and classmates knew he was a big problem. Must always report such instances to authorities, again and again!" In court, Cruz's attorneys said he has struggled with depression and described him as a "broken child."
While Cruz may in fact be mentally ill, using his alleged mental illness as the sole motive for his rampage is not only stigmatising the millions of people who are mentally ill and are not violent, but also leaves out a big piece of the puzzle, a piece that connects many of these mass murderers: Toxic masculinity.
Cruz was reportedly violent towards an ex-girlfriend and her new boyfriend; he would often make public threats to classmates and others. He was expelled from school for behavioural issues and even posted online that he would be a "professional school shooter."
This is a common thread among mass murderers, as Quartz noted. From Las Vegas, to Sutherland Springs, to San Bernardino, to Sandy Hook, to Pulse, to Virginia Tech, what all these men shared in common was their propensity for violence and anger towards women.
In 150 mass shooting since 1966 (mass shooting as defined as four or more people killed), only three of the shooters have been women, according to the Washington Post.
The rest were men.
Since the Sandy Hook shooting in 2012, 138 people have been killed in school shootings in America, according to the New York Times.
According to Monica McLaughlin, deputy director of public policy at the National Network to End Domestic Violence, this is sadly not surprising. "In the domestic violence community, we brace ourselves for a likely, inevitable connection to violence against women when these horrific mass shootings come out. It’s never a surprise," she tells Refinery29.
Why do young men, men of all ages, think they have an entitlement to women in their lives that they can maintain through violence and threats?
McLaughlin says a "strong sense of entitlement" and "use power to threaten and harm women in their lives when they end the relationship" is thematic across many of these mass shootings.
"Where have those messages come from? Why do young men, men of all ages, think they have an entitlement to women in their lives that they can maintain through violence and threats?" she says.
In 2012 following the Aurora, Colorado movie theatre shooting, William Pollack, the director of the Centers for Men and Young Men at McLean Hospital in Boston and a psychology professor at Harvard Medical School, told The Daily Beast that the socialisation of boys is a contributing factor to men becoming mass shooters.
"There's a proclivity to aggression [in men] that's biological, but it takes a social trigger to engage it," Pollack said. "We socialise healthy, normal boys to 'stand on their own two feet' for fear that otherwise they won't be real boys ... They're taught not to tell anyone when they feel pain, because they should be stoic, and they certainly shouldn't cry."
Also troubling, according to McLaughlin, is the fact that mental illness is being used as a main reason for these events.
"The vast majority of people in this country who suffer from mental illness just suffer. They need help and support," she tells Refinery29. "I think when we see someone who chooses to be violent, chooses to be dominant, making threats, that’s a different thing."
Mental illness also should not excuse violence, according to McLaughlin. "I have sympathy for people who suffer, but we also have to hold them accountable for their violent actions and their threats."
Though many were allegedly aware of Cruz's disturbing behaviour and threats, Katie Ray-Jones, CEO of the National Domestic Violence Hotline, says violence is the sole responsibility of the perpetrator.
"In a violent situation, the individual who committed the violent act is responsible for that act," Ray-Jones tells Refinery29. "This is also true in instances of domestic violence, as the abusers often desire the victim to feel at fault — that they deserve the abuse. But, no one deserves to be the victim of violence; violence in any form in a relationship is never okay, and it is never justified."
There are already laws on the books that are designed to stop those with a history of domestic violence from purchasing firearms. But as seen time and time again, loopholes make it ridiculously easy for violent abusers to get their hands on weapons.
A vigil for the Florida high school shooting victimsJoe Raedle/Getty Images
This fact, that domestic abusers often escalate their violence when they are in possession of a gun, is a strong precursor to mass shootings. According to a study from the Congressional Research Service, a domestic dispute was a "precipitating factor in roughly a fifth (21.2%) of mass public shootings" from 1999 to 2013.
Beyond creating laws that will effectively keep weapons out of the hands of violent people, McLaughlin says American culture needs to change. "We know that our government needs to invest in prevention activities that fix our culture so that folks in dating relationships see that possessing your partner isn’t the goal, that your role as a man in this world is not about dominance and control," she says.
Guns, and the message of "strength" and manliness they often convey, is deeply entrenched in American society. "When tough guys are threatened, gun culture beckons, offering reassurance about the command and control of traditional masculinity," Francie Wilkinson wrote in Bloomberg in 2014. "Guns loom large in the imagination, altering perceptions."
The Associated Press reported Friday that Cruz was in a youth marksmanship program — a program in which was sponsored in part by the National Rifle Association.
McLaughlin believes lives will continue to be lost until America has an honest conversation about what our society is teaching men and women.
"Until we fully push our culture and condemn violence at the highest levels, I think we’re going to be stuck in this pattern of toxic masculinity being supported," she says.
Like what you see? How about some more R29 goodness, right here?
Self-help books, relationship ‘experts’ and popular culture all seem to suggest that romantic interest can be sparked by playing hard to get; being distant – aloof even – giving the impression of disinterest even if the opposite is true. In fact, the idea of playing hard to get probably ranks as one of the most popular dating tips of all time, but does it actually work?
In the 1970s, Elaine Hatfield and her colleagues conducted a series of experiments to test whether playing hard to get works. In one of their studies, straight men who signed up to a computer dating service were told that the computer had found them a date. They were asked to give her a call from a phone in the office, ask her out, and report back their first impressions. In fact, the date was actually a confederate of the experimenters.
Half of the time, when the men called, the person on the other end would play hard to get – suggesting that she was very busy/had other dates, before finally accepting. The other half of the time, she would eagerly accept the invitation. If folk wisdom is right, then the woman should be perceived as more desirable in the hard-to-get condition, but that’s not what the researchers found. In fact, across five different studies, these psychologists found no evidence whatsoever that playing hard to get made someone seem more desirable.
Some scientists believe the principle of reciprocity is the single most important determinant of whether one person will like another
So why doesn’t playing hard to get work? The simple answer is that it contravenes what’s known as the norm of reciprocity. In its most basic form, this norm proposes that we like those who express a liking for us and dislike those who dislike us. This might sound like an incredibly simplistic idea, but some scientists believe the principle of reciprocity is the single most important determinant of whether one person will like another. But when we play hard to get, we give the impression that we dislike the other person, and that in turn sparks dislike, not attraction.
There’s another issue that complicates playing hard to get. There’s a big distinction between liking something and wanting something. Imagine you’re playing a game where, if you win, you get a prize. Sadly, on this occasion, you don’t win, but how do you think you’ll feel about the prize? Well, one study found that failure to win a prize made participants want it more, but their liking for the prize decreased in later tasks.
There is an analogy here. When someone plays hard to get, we may end up wanting that person more, but actually feel less liking for them. In other words, playing hard to get enhances the desire to pursue, while actually reducing our liking for the ‘player’. In fact, this is exactly what was found in two studies that were conducted in Hong Kong, with one caveat. Playing hard to get increased wanting for the ‘player’, but only when participants were psychologically motivated to see the ‘player’ again. If they weren’t motivated, then playing hard to get reduces both liking and wanting.
If playing hard to get doesn’t work, what does? Well, Elaine Hatfield and her colleagues might have the answer. While they believed that playing hard to get doesn’t work, they also suggested there were two different ways in which a person could be thought of as hard to get. Imagine that you would like to get with me (I’m married, so this scenario really is imaginary). First, we might ask how difficult it is for you personally to ‘get’ me. Separately, we could also ask how difficult it is for women (or men) in general to get me. For you, the distinction is important.
Hatfield and her colleagues proposed that people would be most attracted to targets who are selectively hard to get. In other words, you would be most attracted to me if I am easy to get for you personally, but hard to get for all other women (or men).
To test this idea, Hatfield and her colleagues conducted one last study. They again recruited straight men who’d signed up to a computer dating service as participants. This time, the men were shown profiles of five women who had been matched with the men by the computer (in actual fact, the profiles were all bogus). The experimenters explained that some women had attended a session in which they completed ‘data selection forms’, one for each of the five men they had been matched with. For each of the forms, the participant saw that one of the forms included ratings of himself, whereas the other forms included ratings of other (fictitious) men.
Of the profiles they saw, one woman was always hard to get, rating all five of her matches rather poorly. Another was always 'easy to get', rating all her matches as highly desirable. A third woman was selectively hard to get, rating the four other men as undesirable but the participant himself as very appealing. The men were asked to evaluate the desirability of the three women.
As the researchers had predicted, the men showed a preference for the selectively hard-to-get woman. For the men in the study, the woman who played selectively hard to get was perceived as just as popular and attractive as the uniformly hard-to-get woman, but also perceived as less cold. What’s more, she was perceived as being just as friendly, but also more popular, than the woman who always played easy to get.
Later studies uncovered another reason why we might like people who play selectively hard to get. In research with both women and men this time, it was found that being liked by someone playing selectively hard to get boosted participants’ self-esteem. It feels good to be liked by someone who is selective. So it's not about playing hard to get; it's about being selectively hard to get instead.
Screech! The cosmos is throwing on the brakes and all signs say to slow way down. Grand plans may need to be set aside this week and high bars are begging to be lowered. Pisces season has begun, marking the season of rest and imagination. It's time for a check-in with that quiet voice within.
The sun enters Pisces on Sunday morning, joining leisurely Venus and mental Mercury. The three buddies are off to meet the wizard — played in this version of the movie by Neptune, planet of dreams. Like the Wizard of Oz, Neptune is a master of illusions, presenting our wildest fantasies to us as if they are real. That dreamy crush, the ideal job, and countless fantasies of rescuing someone, going viral, or regaining a lost love — all seem close enough to grab onto as the week wears on. Neptune rules addiction, and like addicts, we’ll want to fight to reach that elusive escape from our real and difficult lives.
Neptunian illusions thrive on the internet, where it’s easy to pretend we’re prettier and happier than we are — or that our sadness is poetic and cool. Likewise, the people we admire online are not what they seem. The urge to pursue "likes" and applause will intensify on Friday and Saturday, when the goody-two-shoes Virgo moon makes us obsessed with getting the social performance right.
All that said, Neptune does have an awesome side. Peace, spirituality, imagination, compassion, and art are all his terrain. When we get on Neptune’s good side, we feel music as much as listen to it; we’re overjoyed for our friends’ success; and we have a sense that what we need will come to us at the right time. To be that monk-like this week means unplugging. Switch off the devices. Open the blinds. Put on your chillest playlist and go visit the plants and trees.
Pisces February 19 to March 20
Your inner child is coming out to play, Pisces. The world is a little more magical this week, infusing every new experience, bus ride, date, and meeting with a sense of possibility. Neptune, your ruling planet, is stirring up the collective unconscious and awakening feelings in people that they didn't know they had. Basically, everyone else is getting a taste of your normal reality. And that means you have a world full of playmates.
With all the fantasy swirling in the air and perfect strangers ready to fall in love at the drop of a hat, you could definitely go overboard, Pisces. If you decide to, let’s say, gift your life savings to a travelling salesman in exchange for magic beans, no sensible adult will be around to stop you. The regular, ordinary parts of life are so fun right now, though, you might as well enjoy yourself right where you are.
What creative or spiritual experience have you wanted to have but haven’t known how to start? This week, invite your partner-in-crime to join you in writing a song, doing morning meditation, discussing your current favourite binge-watch indulgence, kissing, or practising telepathic communication.
Illustrated by Abbie Winters.
Aries March 21 to April 19
Take a chill pill, Ram. The only thing in your way this week is you. With four planets in your 12th house of retreat, the last thing you should be doing is trying to force a way forward. Yet, that’s what you’ll be up to if you carelessly react to what’s going on around you. Everyone is super spacey right now, forgetting their commitments and dragging their feet on giving you what you want. Give ‘em a break, Aries. It’s not personal, it’s the planets. Your ruling planet, active Mars, is fighting his way out from under a fog cloud, which can make you want to do the same.
A better use of your energy than fighting the inevitable (and temporary) influence of sleepy Neptune is throwing your get-up-and-go behind Neptune’s interests. You’ve got a big heart, but you don’t always know what to do with your compassion besides going into battle. This week, explore a new tactic. How can your fight restore your energy reserves instead of draining them? What would love look like if it was relaxing? How is excitement different from stress?
On Friday and Saturday, when the moon butts heads with Mars, you’re ready for an emotional breakthrough. The feelings are real, but relationships are in flux. Go with the flow and see what happens.
Illustrated by Abbie Winters.
Taurus April 20 to May 20
Be slow, but open your heart, Taurus.
Love doesn’t obey rules and it can’t be owned. If you try to hang on too hard, it slides between your fingers. Like anything that refuses to be controlled or contained, love can feel dangerous. A lot of people shut out close relationships because they think it will keep them safe. But cutting out love is like cutting off your own circulation. Gradually, it numbs you, making life feel dull and heavy.
The strong Neptune influence this week is softening the walls you’ve set up to protect yourself. Compassion and care for others wants to get in. If you resist by filling your time with work or pulling away from those who give you powerful feelings, you’re likely to end up (temporarily) depressed and even sick. Friday, especially, brings a dose of self-pity, along with a temptation to passive-aggressive conflict.
You’re made of tough stuff, Taurus, and you can handle all the feels. Letting go of (a teensy amount of) control will open the door to connection. You can you grow your heart, get braver, and still go at a speed that feels good in your body. No matter what happens, these experiences are yours to keep.
Illustrated by Abbie Winters.
Gemini May 21 to June 20
One of Harry Houdini’s most famous tricks was untying his hands while submerged, blindfolded, underwater. He was probably wearing handcuffs and locked in a shark tank, too. Think how much more impressive it would have been, though, if he hadn’t tried to escape. He would have had to float, disoriented and in darkness, and just be okay with it. That’s what I’m suggesting you do (minus the actual drowning).
You’re the scab-picker of the Zodiac, Gemini: you’re generally not that hot at just waiting for stuff to happen. You’re fundamentally interested in whatever’s going on around you, and you want to be a part of it. That attitude can be totally cool — it just doesn’t click right now. As of Saturday night, your planetary ruler, multitasking Mercury, is running around in foggy Pisces. It’s a bit like when Mercury is retrograde, except more sluggish and confusing. Friday and Saturday, the moon in your sign will make you especially eager to do something, but chances are you don’t really know what you want. The more activities you stuff into your week, the more words you throw at a conflict, the more people you juggle, the more anxious and discombobulated you’ll get.
The issue is that you’re mixing up what appears to be happening with what actually is. Two can play that game. The best way to be involved in life right now is by appearing to float blindfolded underwater while you’re actually listening very closely to the burbling of the water and the gossip of fishes.
Illustrated by Abbie Winters.
Cancer June 21 to July 22
What are you missing, Cancer?
Pisces is your fellow water sign and you may feel a connection to it. Its watery, emo, creative season is, in some ways, awesome for you. Your natal sun is stabilised by the sun in Pisces, letting you express your authentic self with the support and approval of your family and friends. But Pisces is the sign of longing, and its ruling planet, Neptune, is being emphasised in a way that kicks up that longing to a brutal ache.
Any lack in your life will be highlighted and double-underlined this week, Cancer. You’ll probably want to go looking for that missing piece in an important woman (or feminine person) in your life, especially a partner, crush, sister, or bestie. You can make yourself a doormat to please her, or wallow in angry self-pity over whatever she’s not giving you. It's a free country, Cancer. It’s totally your right to sulk if you want to. But you know from experience that sulking is never quite as satisfying as you think it’s going to be.
The urge to be by yourself, though, is a good one. As talented as you are at sulking, you’re even better (when you want to be) at self-nurturing. This week, connect with yourself in order to understand your needs. Draw a bath, visit a day spa, cuddle up in blankets or go for a long walk, and let your intuition speak.
Illustrated by Abbie Winters.
Leo July 23 to August 22
You did it, Leo! Now how can you keep the energy up over the long haul? With the sun finally out of Aquarius, your opposite sign, you’re past the halfway point of your year. Goals you set around your birthday have either been set aside or have reached a milestone of success. Success brings its own challenges, though. At the top of a mountain, there’s a long way to fall, and the more visible you are, the more others expect of you.
This week’s sleepy energy is like your phone’s low battery notification. You’ve still got some juice, but you won’t forever. As of Sunday morning, the Sun is in your eighth house of obsession, giving you the tenacity to push through even this heavy, foggy Neptunian week and do what you need to do. That kind of drive is impressive, but it will run you dry and suck the fun out of your daily life. Fortunately, you’re an awesome leader, talented at gathering groups around you and delegating tasks.
Starting Wednesday and continuing into the weekend, your ruler, the sun, is getting a boost from focused Saturn and a shot of inspiration from Neptune. Use this influence to define where, exactly, you want to go. What’s your big vision? Besides just entertaining yourself and your audience, what do you desire? Once you’re clear where you’re headed, give others a role.
Illustrated by Abbie Winters.
Virgo August 23 to September 22
Don’t be the architect of your own unhappiness, Virgo. If you’re caught in a chronic cycle of worry, dissatisfaction, and seeking out faults in your life, it’s a sign that you’re struggling for control. (And losing.) Life is not supposed to be perfectly managed. You love solving problems; think how bored you’d be if everything went right all the time.
The beginning of Pisces season marks the halfway point of your year. Because Pisces is your opposite sign, this time of year is like a month-long backwards day. What should be logical, according to you, is emotional and unpredictable. What should go in a straight line dissolves into particles instead. But being out of your comfort zone is really healthy for you, Virgo. It forces you to problem-solve creatively instead of by the manual and to tune in with your feelings. You’re far more sensitive than you let on, and trying to hide it only makes you a grouch. Make space for your feelings by temporarily tuning out the background noise of others’ anxieties, dysfunctions, needs, and demands. Be patient with your energy levels and meditate on your feelings while working toward an achievable goal.
Illustrated by Abbie Winters.
Libra September 23 to October 22
Let the world know how you feel, Libra. You like to keep it even-keeled and try not to overwhelm others with your perspective. It’s a way of making sure you’re being fair and not taking up too much space. The people around you want to hear more from you, and this week they’re extra receptive.
With the pile of planets in sensitive Pisces, emotions are near the surface, making it a wonderful time to just chill with your close friends, lovers, and siblings. Important women (and all feminine people) in your life may be struggling and feeling weaker than they actually are. Because others tend to idealise you, sharing the ways you don’t feel 100% (without fishing for pity or props) helps others feel like their difficulties are normal. Relationships can feel almost magical this week and you deserve to enjoy them. Since a lot of people around you may be a little sad, do take care to not let anyone guilt you into doing more emotional work than you want. The best way to handle this kind of manipulation is, again, to share from your feelings. “I love you, but I’ve got my own shit to take care of,” will be way more effective than a fake excuse and will make your relationships healthier and better.
Illustrated by Abbie Winters.
Scorpio October 23 to November 21
You’re spinning your wheels in the mud, Scorpio. Through no fault of your own (probably), you’ve gotten mired in a problem without a solution. Driven Mars, your co-ruler, has had its road washed out by oceanic Neptune. You may have had a brilliant strategy to get what you deeply desire, but it doesn’t mean a whole lot at the moment.
Being a creative and emo water sign like Pisces, you should be down with Neptune’s dreamy ways. But, unlike Pisces, you prefer to be in the driver’s seat, hands firmly on the wheel of your decisions. Neptune is going to force you to get out of the car and step straight into the muck of the unknown. Either that, or you’ll have to contend with frustration and end up spraying mud in your own face. The astrological influences are here to remind you that your experience is more interesting and deeper when you’re neck-deep in mystery, moving through the dark. Obsessively pursuing control, on the other hand, only isolates you. That’s not what you need right now. Dare to get dirty, Scorpio. Gratification is out there, but you’ll have to take an emotional risk first.
Illustrated by Abbie Winters.
Sagittarius November 22 to December 21
Embrace change, Archer. Since January, single-minded Mars has been energising you and filling you with (more than the usual) conviction that you’re 100% right. It’s also given you a desire to do things your way, naysayers be damned. At best, it’s stoked your fire, focused your sometimes scattered interests and kept you adventuring toward your goals. At worst, it may have won you a few enemies.
With Mars’ fire dampened, this is a great time to rebuild bridges and look at your relationships from a new perspective. Your own way of doing things seems like the best because it’s what you’re used to. But since when do you choose the well-travelled road over a path into the unknown? Foggy Neptune is reminding you to tune in to your intuition, which requires slowing down and shutting up. What isn’t working right now? There’s no reason to push against the tide. Go with the flow and see where it carries you. Love is infinitely more valuable than being right. Let go of your certainties and pronouncements (for a week or two) and give others more space to love you.
Illustrated by Abbie Winters.
Capricorn December 22 to January 19
Warm up that cold shoulder, Cappy. Treating people like obstacles and burdens hurts you on a good day. Under this Neptune weather, it will leave you resentful, depressed, and deeply lonely. With so many planets in sympathetic Pisces and Venus cuddling up to compassionate Neptune, it’s a love or be left out week.
Your reasons for (sometimes) holding others at arm’s length make sense, at least rationally. You have strong empathy and an even stronger need to control your experiences. That potent brew of feeling and anxiety makes messy conflicts overwhelming; it’s just easier to respond with hard rules and uncrossable boundaries. That might work, if you were flighty or got over people quickly. Instead, you’re loyal and can cart around the baggage of old hurts forever.
The ups and downs of Piscean emotion could easily make you curl around those wounds and push people away further. But that would be a serious missed opportunity. Wherever you feel injured, it’s more than likely the other party hurts just as much. This week’s heightened sensitivity will be making everyone long for connection, which means good intentions are likely to be well received. When you want to retreat, try reaching out. It might be messy, but that’s a challenge you can handle.
Illustrated by Abbie Winters.
Aquarius January 20 to February 18
How good are your ethics right now, Aquarius? If you were looking at your recent actions from the outside, would they live up to your standards?
Your natural detachment keeps you amazingly objective, but when there’s a blind spot, it’s you. You respect people's right to swing their own way, and want them to do the same for you. The problem is, sometimes you interpret people’s sticky humanity — their moods and overly intense desires — as a rude violation of your independence. In these moments, you’ll sometimes ghost rather than make a situation stickier. And that’s not cool.
You probably don’t mean to hurt anyone. It’s just that you aren’t fully checking in with your feelings, which makes it hard to empathise. This week, everything is sticky. Your friends and romantic partners will cry, get sick, and give you mixed messages. You might get swept up in a self-serving idealism that justifies any action, or you might just want to split. This can be a really beautiful period for you, Aquarius, full of swooning for cute people and enrapturing ideas. To enjoy the highs without negative fallout, you have to stay present with the feelings. If you did something recently you feel weird about, apologise and make it right.
Illustrated by Abbie Winters.
Like what you see? How about some more R29 goodness, right here?
Ahead of tonight's BAFTA Film Awards, many of the UK's leading female stars have come together in a dynamic show of solidarity with the Time's Up movement.
Guests have already been asked to wear black to the ceremony at London's Royal Albert Hall to make the same visual statement Hollywood gave us at last month's Golden Globe Awards.
Now, The Observer reports that many actresses will attend the BAFTAs not with a partner or family member, but alongside a prominent female activist. Andrea Riseborough will attend with Phyll Opuku-Gyimah, co-founder of UK Black Pride. Gemma Arterton will be joined by Eileen Pullen and Gwen Davis, two women who campaigned to end the gender gay pap at Ford's Dagenham plant in the '60s.
Meanwhile, 190 leading female members of the UK and Ireland entertainment industry including have signed an open letter titled "Sisters, this is our moment to say Time's Up." Emma Watson, Keira Knightley, Gugu Mbatha-Raw, Jodie Whittaker, Saoirse Ronan and Sophie Okonedo are among the stars to have signed it.
Published in The Observer, the letter acknowledges that the women's rights movement is now at a "critical juncture," stating: "The gender pay gap for women in their 20s is now five times greater than it was six years ago. Research in the UK has found that more than half of all women said they have experienced sexual harassment at work."
It goes on to align the UK and Ireland's female talent with the wider, Hollywood-initiated Time's Up movement. "As we approach the Baftas – our industry’s time for celebration and acknowledgment, we hope we can celebrate this tremendous moment of solidarity and unity across borders by coming together and making this movement international," the letter states. "Perhaps Time’s Up seems a million miles away to you – started by a group of women with privilege. The truth is, we are all workers, and whether we’re in the limelight or in the shadows, our voices matter. With our collective power, we can galvanize others."
The letter adds: "This movement is intersectional, with conversations across race, class, community, ability and work environment, to talk about the imbalance of power."
It is accompanied by a second open letter signed by an array of female activists and campaigners, which states: "Today we come together with sisters in the entertainment industry to call Time’s UP on sexual abuse, and other forms of abuse, harassment and victimisation."
The actresses and activists have also set up a new Justice and Equality Fund to campaign for an end to "the culture of harassment, abuse and impunity" that has seen more than half of women in the UK experience sexual harassment at work. Emma Watson has donated £1 million to the fund. Keira Knightley, Sophie Okonedo, Gugu Mbatha-Raw, Emma Thompson, and Claire Foy have all given money, too.
A further show of solidarity with the Time's Up movement is expected at the BRIT Awards next week, where guests are being encouraged to wear a white rose to express their support.
Last night, Christopher Bailey serenaded London Fashion Week with his swan song for Burberry after 17 years at the helm. His final message was one of unity, creating a rainbow check within the classic Burberry check in support of the LGBTQ+ community – support the brand is following through on in a series of initiatives with trusts and organisations. “There has never been a more important time to say that in our diversity lies our strength and our creativity”, Bailey said.
The epic, 85-look collection was perhaps Bailey’s most experimental and creative to date, incorporating all the brand’s hits over the years, from trenches, windbreakers and Harrington jackets to scarves, caps and capes. The shapes and styles were decidedly more street, with oversized bombers emblazoned with BURBERRY / LONDON / ENGLAND in graffiti font, and shell suits with caps covered in the classic check which is now so famous. Bailey left no stone unturned with bold velour jumpers reading ‘Burberry of London’ in rainbow font and baggy red tracksuit bottoms slouched over checked penny loafers.
Famous for its show production as the biggest fashion house on the London schedule, the finale was a suitably spectacular rainbow light tunnel which the models walked underneath to the euphoric sound of Thelma Houston’s “Don’t Leave Me This Way”. Cara Delevingne wearing a rainbow flag cape with beige check lining was the last out as the lyrics “Set me free” rang through. Bailey received a standing, dancing ovation as he took his bow, and we recalled Sarah Mower’s words in a recent feature on the designer in Vogue: “It’s time to stop and to say: Christopher, that was magnificent.”
Over the years, Bailey has delighted his guests with live music finales, featuring the likes of Alison Moyet, Paloma Faith and James Bay. When we talk of British fashion, we talk of its cultural context alongside film, music and art, and this crossover is where Bailey positioned himself during his time at Burberry. From Eddie Redmayne and Sam Riley to Emma Watson, Bailey had a habit of putting film stars in his campaigns, culminating in 2016 when he celebrated the brand’s 160-year heritage with a blockbuster film trailer entitled ‘Tale of Thomas Burberry’ starring Sienna Miller, Domhnall Gleeson, Dominic West and Lily James which was so compelling, fans were calling for a feature-length version.
“Oh, I think you never really look at the successes when you’re inside a company, because it’s always a hill you still have to climb,” he told Vogue, “you’ve never reached the summit. [...] As soon as you’ve finished a collection, you’re already in the next one. You’re always focused on the next thing, which I think is so amazing about this industry – it moves forward the whole time, I actually love the speed.”
As the first ever designer at a brand of Burberry’s scale to be named CEO and creative director, Bailey innovated the fashion industry, live streaming shows to the public before anyone else and installing the lightning quick ‘see now, buy now’ capability which enables fans to shop straight from the catwalk.
He's taken risks, made giant leaps for fashion-kind and done it all while being one of the nicest men in the business. Click through to see our favourite looks from last night’s show, and the preceding 17 years of Bailey’s Burberry.
AW18
Adwoa Aboah opens last night's show in a billowing white skirt with a rainbow stripe and a bulky art-school jumper.
AW18
The final look of the final show: Cara Delevingne in a rainbow flag cape with signature check lining. Cara threw the cape up above her head as she exited the catwalk in celebration.
SS18
The look that set Instagram alight last season, Adwoa brought back the Burberry cap, worn with a classic '90s style Harrington jacket, oversized white tee, and perfectly contrasted tulle skirt.
Photo: WWD/REX/Shutterstock
AW17
Never too much, never too much. This vintage check plastic coat was the heart of the AW17 collection, where Bailey went to town updating lots of iconic Burberry looks and serving them with a streetwear edge.
Photo: Jeff Spicer/BFC/Getty Images/The British Fashion Council.
SS17
For SS17, Bailey collaborated with the Henry Moore Foundation, displaying the late artist’s sculptures on the catwalk, complemented by a collection which centred on shape.
Photo: REX/Shutterstock
AW16
The quintessential London look with oversized lapels, layering and boots.
Photo: Giovanni Giannoni/WWD/REX/Shutterstock
AW16 (Men's)
Bailey worked with twin sisters Ruth and May Bell on a memorable campaign for Spring 2016 where the pair wore the classic check scarves. The twins walked in the men's show the following January, and this red duffle coat worn by Ruth was top of our shopping list.
Photo: Jonathan Hordle/REX/Shutterstock
AW16
Lineisy Montero wears scaly sea greens with fishnet tights and biker boots in a perfect example of how to clash colour and texture.
Photo: Giovanni Giannoni/WWD/REX/Shutterstock
SS15
You'd be hard pressed to find a better trim on a denim jacket. Styled with a plastic yellow skirt and clean sneaks, this look on Malaika Firth makes us feel all nostalgic for 2014.
Photo: REX/Shutterstock
AW15
Mica Argañaraz in a prairie dress feels as relevant now as it did then, showing Bailey's versatility – from ultra feminine looks to hard masculine tailoring.
Photo: REX/Shutterstock
AW15
Malaika Firth in an uncompromising full fringe look. This coat was made for the catwalk.
Photo: PIXELFORMULA/SIPA/REX/Shutterstock
SS16
A very non-Binx look, this lace, lemon yellow tiered dress with slides is the outer limit of Burberry's feminine side.
Photo: Giovanni Giannoni/WWD/REX/Shutterstock
SS14
Edie Campbell had huge runway success with this dramatic black haircut, contrasted brilliantly here with the most beautiful pale mint jacket, matching briefs and sheer dress. Perfection.
Photo: Giovanni Giannoni/Penske Media/REX/Shutterstock
SS13
Everyone remembers the 'Quality Street collection' at Kensington Gardens with the show-stopping finale of models in electric metallic trenches like a sci-fi army. The show was Bailey's nod to cinematic British glamour.
Photo by Ian Gavan/Getty Images
SS13
Another standout look from this show which turned so many heads, here's Cara in a belted leather jacket, every inch the '40s femme fatale.
Photo: Sipa USA/REX/Shutterstock
AW12
Another finale to remember, for Autumn Winter 12, Bailey made it rain. We still don't know how, but fake rain fell over the catwalk and the models, who looked like winter's dream carrying brollies in belted coats and tweed grandad caps.
This show was inspired by Jean Shrimpton in the early '60s. Everyday black and white glamour.
Photo: REX/Shutterstock
SS10
Spring Summer 10 heralded Burberry's return to London Fashion Week, having previously shown in Milan. This pink ruffled take on the trench coat worn by Ranya Mordanova – one of the most sought-after models that season with her signature black bowl cut – is as sweet as sugar.
Photo: Mark Large / Associated Newspapers/REX/Shutterstock
SS09
Bailey called this beautiful show 'Garden Girls', inspired by the English countryside and his own garden growing up in Yorkshire. It was an elegant, muted take on the classic trench and check, styled with droopy bucket hats.
Photo: Sipa Press/REX/Shutterstock
SS08
Sasha Pivovarova in a severe, embellished grey trench and Matrix -style sunglasses showing Bailey's hardcore side.
Photo: Olycom SPA/REX/Shutterstock
AW06
Looking back through the archives, we were surprised to find Stella Tennant in a classic black tuxedo with a crisp white shirt. This look doesn't seem to go with the Burberry we know, but shows the designer's versatility and appreciation for cult classics.
Photo: Giovanni Giannoni/Penske Media/REX/Shutterstock
SS06
From the show reviews at the time, it seems Bailey was going for... a sexy Princess Margaret. We're reminded more of English country girls in The Secret Garden. Either way, the looks are a summer's dream.
Photo: REX/Shutterstock
AW05
Daria Werbowy in the year of the very skinny scarf. Inspired again by Bailey's Yorkshire country upbringing, this show was a smash hit with critics.
Photo: Giuseppe Cacace/Getty Images
AW04
This collection was inspired by Virginia Woolf – perhaps not this specific look since plastic trenches aren't very Bloomsbury Set, but the tights and shoes at least.
Photo: Jun Sato/WireImage
SS04
This was Kate Moss' first catwalk appearance after a three-year hiatus and the birth of her daughter. It was for Burberry, and for Christopher Bailey, that she chose to make her comeback.
Photo: Action Press/REX/Shutterstock
Like what you see? How about some more R29 goodness, right here?
The Last Jedi 's diverse cast wasn't celebrated by everyone, but J.J. Abrams sees criticisms of the film as nothing more than veiled sexism. “Their problem isn’t Star Wars," Abrams told IndieWire, "their problem is being threatened.”
With Daisy Ridley’s portrayal of Rey, Kelly Marie Tran playing Rose Tico, and Laura Dern as Vice-Admiral Holdo, women were front and centre in the Star Wars sequel. And it wasn't just the presence of more women, either — female characters were depicted as leaders and heroes rather than damsels in distress.
While many women applauded the change, an alt-right group claimed responsibility for using bots to slash the movie's Rotten Tomatoes rating to just 48% (after the film was widely praised by film critics). The group's moderator told HuffPost: "I’m sick and tired of men being portrayed as idiots. There was a time we ruled society and I want to see that again."
Abrams, who's returning to write and direct Star Wars: Episode IX, told IndieWire the negative feedback wasn't about the quality of the film, but rather the prominent role it gave female characters.
“ Star Wars is a big galaxy, and you can sort of find almost anything you want to in Star Wars. If you are someone who feels threatened by women and needs to lash out against them, you can probably find an enemy in Star Wars,” Abrams said. “You can probably look at the first movie that George [Lucas] did and say that Leia was too outspoken, or she was too tough. Anyone who wants to find a problem with anything can find the problem. The internet seems to be made for that.”
The goal is never to divide or make people upset, but I do think the conversations that are happening were going to have to happen at some point if sw is going to grow, move forward and stay vital.
The Last Jedi director Rian Johnson also addressed backlash to the film, writing on Twitter that the goal "is never to divide or make people upset." He said: "I do think the conversations that are happening were going to have to happen at some point if sw is going to grow, move forward and stay vital."
Abrams' assertion that Star Wars trolls feel threatened by powerful women on screen suggests Star Wars: Episode IX will continue to move the franchise forward.
Going into this awards season, all eyes have been on the 2018 Oscars to see how Hollywood's biggest night will address some serious challenges. And it looks like the Academy is taking these conversations to heart: they've announced their first round of award presenters, and it's already making history.
For starters, Daniela Vega will be the first openly transgender actress in history to present on the Oscar stage. She stars in the Chilean movie A Fantastic Woman, which is nominated for Best Foreign Film. It's a story about a woman who loses her life partner, and how, as Sesali Bowen wrote, "The consequences of her gender identity have made it very difficult to mourn this loss."
Next up are some of the biggest names in Black Hollywood, including last year's winner for Best Supporting Actor and Best Picture star, Mahershala Ali. Viola Davis, a legend in her own right, will also present an award, as will Chadwick Boseman, who is currently dazzling audiences in theaters as T'Challa in Black Panther. Tiffany Haddish, the breakout comedic star of 2017, is also set to present an Oscar after hosting the live nomination announcement telecast.
The list also includes a healthy amount of women, including some women who've spoken out about the #MeToo movement. Emma Stone and Laura Dern will make an appearance, and both have been vocal about how they support women through the Time's Up initiative.
In the wake of the #MeToo movement, Hollywood has been a catalyst for conversations around equality and is attempting to offer solutions with the Time's Up initiative and SAG-AFTRA's new sexual harassment guidelines. The #OscarsSoWhite hashtag also drew attention to the profound lack of diversity in the types of films and actors that the Academy honours, as well as its overwhelmingly white cast of presenters.
Other presenters include Jennifer Garner, Kumail Nanjiani, Greta Gerwig, and Tom Holland. The Oscars will take place in L.A. on 4th March.
You may have noticed a rise in skincare brands touting algae as the hero skin saviour to add to your routine. Initially, the thought of algae might make your skin crawl, evoking memories of the green slime touching your leg while paddling in lakes and rivers as a child. Sure, it's not the most glamorous of skincare ingredients, but it's time to get reacquainted with the water-dwelling organism.
"It's strange, isn't it," poses Dom Bridges, founder of natural British brand Haeckels. "Algae never went away, as cultures around the globe have used it continuously for centuries – particularly as a base powder to consume. I think the current buzz is connected to our falling in love with the ocean again."
Whether it's because we're looking at the world's oceans differently in light of Blue Planet II and recent horrific statistics on plastic damage, or because the industry is returning to the natural world for its key ingredients, algae is on the up. The slippery organisms vary, but are predominantly water-based, more complex cell-wise than plants, and use photosynthesis to harbour a wealth of nutrients.
In terms of benefits for your visage, algae "hydrates, softens and detoxifies the skin. While replenishing essential vitamins and minerals, it rebuilds your skin and works effectively on conditions like eczema." Because it lives on tidal plains – or mudflats, coastal wetlands which are formed when mud is washed up by tides and rivers – algae has to protect itself from dehydration and sun exposure, which is directly transposed onto our epidermis when applied topically, Bridges explains.
Jo Chidley, founder of Beauty Kitchen, uses seahorse plankton, "a special king of micro algae," in a range of her products. "It protects itself from environmental stresses by producing a unique mix of antioxidants and omega 3 and 6 fatty acids," she explains, "which are the only two fatty acids your own body cannot produce and are the ones needed for healthy sustainable skin, lipids, sterols, carotenoids and vitamins (A, D, E & K)."
If your mind is conjuring up images of people in wellington boots handpicking algae from the UK's shoreline, I'm afraid it's not quite as wholesome as you'd imagine. It is, however, sourced sustainably. "We cultivate everything ourselves, and our seahorse plankton comes from our bioreactor (a big greenhouse to you and I)," Chidley says. "This is a cradle-to-cradle method, as not only do we get the greatest ingredient, but when you grow algae it creates energy that is sold back to the grid, turning CO2 into oxygen. This means we're not taking from the ocean."
A natural ingredient that's easily sustainably sourced and harvested, with endless results for your skin? Count us in. Click through to find brands using algae to deliver glowing, youthful skin.
Murad's newest eye serum combines marine kelp complex, swertia flower extract and their retinol tri-active technology to brighten dark circles, firm the skin and improve the appearance of fine lines. Even better, the fast acting formula is gentle enough to be used daily.
Murad Retinol Youth Renewal Eye Serum, £65, available at Murad
Dr Dennis Gross utilises Japanese green caviar algae to build elasticity, caffeine and Caribbean gorgonian extract to reduce dark circles, and optical diffusers to add a got-eight-hours-sleep glow.
Dr Dennis Gross Skincare Hyaluronic Marine Dew It All Eye Gel, £58, available at Cult Beauty
Cult brand Mario Badescu has used seaweed with collagen and hyaluronic acid to create a super hydrating moisturiser without any heaviness.
Mario Badescu Seaweed Night Cream, £18.50, available at Beauty Bay
This heavy-duty mask is one to roll out when skin takes a turn for the worst. All-natural and mineral-rich sea salt and algae work to fight bacteria-causing blemishes.
Kypris Deep Forest Clay, £84, available at Cult Beauty
Haeckels' exfoliant is made up of ground and dried seaweed, tea tree leaves and crushed willow bark. Forming a natural salicylic acid, it's one of the most efficient natural scrubs out there. Mix with your favourite cleanser for a refreshing polish.
Haeckels Seaweed / Willow Bark Facial Exfoliant, £27, available at Haeckels
According to Chidley: "Seahorse plankton has been clinically proven to increase collagen production by 19.3% in just 24 hours, making it a natural wonder for helping your skin to sustain its natural youthful glow. The ingredient has also been shown to reduce wrinkles by 12% in just two months, so not just 100% natural, but 100% effective too!" This gel cleanser smells divine, too.
Beauty Kitchen Seahorse Plankton Everlasting Radiance Cleansing Gel, £14.99, available at Beauty Kitchen
Elemis' oil has been formulated with a trio of seaweeds – padina pavonica, golden seaweed and roaring water kelp – meaning triple the hydration.
Elemis Pro-Collagen Marine Oil, £65, available at Elemis
Zelens' bestselling cream contains fucus serratus, a vitamin-rich seaweed from the Atlantic coast, alongside Irish moss and anti-inflammatory alteromonas ferment – all to plump and hydrate your face.
Zelens Marine Complex Deep Restorative Cream, £125, available at Cult Beauty
The Body Shop has a whole host of seaweed and algae-based products, but we love this toner for its brilliance with combination skin.
The Body Shop Seaweed Oil Balancing Toner, £8, available at The Body Shop
How refreshing does this mask look? A nutrient-rich formula made with blue marine algae works to hydrate and detox skin.
Peter Thomas Roth Blue Marine Algae Mask, £37.50, available at Look Fantastic
Soaps are having a triumphant comeback in skincare, and Estée Lauder's should be top of your list. Formulated in Japan, the micro algae blend brings a daily dose of glow.
Estée Lauder Nutritious Micro-Algae Cleansing Bar, £20, available at Boots
This double-layered pulp sheet is enriched with all the wonderful nutrients algae brings, and leaves skin less red, dry and stressed than before.
Tony Moly I'm Real Mask – Seaweed, £5, available at Cult Beauty
The OG of algae brands, Algenist uses six sources of the green stuff in its brightening mask, giving serious results.
Algenist Algae Brightening Mask, £45, available at Space NK
Over seven series, Call the Midwife has dealt with just about every maternal health issue imaginable, but last night's episode marked a first for the Nonnatus House crew: a heavily pregnant woman so traumatised by a previous forceps delivery that she dreads giving birth again. Her refusal to seek medical help is misunderstood and mocked by her mother-in-law, who more or less tells her to get over it. Per usual, kindly Dr. Turner takes a more empathetic view. The issue, he notes, is not with her body, but with her mind. This is more than a squeamish attitude towards pain; it's a very serious phobia that affects countless women.
It's a gripping episode but one that 35-year-old Kate Motley is unlikely ever to watch. Doing so may trigger her own tokophobia — the name the British Journal of Psychiatry finally gave to this profound fear of pregnancy and childbirth, classed as a psychological disorder after being formally recognised back in 2000.
As noted by research in the Industrial Psychiatry Journal, tokophobia can affect both women (some as young as adolescents) who have never experienced pregnancy (primary) and those who have developed symptoms as a result of a traumatic childbirth in the past (secondary). Prenatal depression, miscarriage, and other obstetric issues can also trigger secondary tokophobia.
Motley says she's always had an aversion to pregnancy, and, like many women who experience tokophobia, relied heavily on birth control. But it wasn't until she fell pregnant, and her fears intensified, that she was able to identify her symptoms as something much more than run-of-the-mill stress. Here, Motley — now mother to a newborn baby girl — shares her harrowing account of living with tokophobia and getting through her pregnancy.
"I'm 35 and I just had my first child, which could be considered quite old. But I never wanted to have children. I went to university, I went travelling, I did everything to avoid having children. And when it came up in previous relationships, with somebody wanting a family, I always made excuses. It was always, 'we just booked a holiday' or 'the house isn't ready'.
"I took the pill constantly for 20 years. I never, ever, ever had a break, to avoid getting pregnant. I also insisted my partners use condoms, so it was like a double [protection]. And even then, if I thought there was any chance of getting pregnant, I did take the morning-after pill on several occasions to really triply make sure there was no pregnancy.
"But then I met my current partner and he really wanted to start a family. I had talked about the option of adoption because I just couldn't take the thought of childbirth. There are lots of different types of tokophobia, but for me [the fear] was all around the labour rather than not wanting children. I desperately wanted children. I was very happy to adopt.
When I got the positive pregnancy test, part of me was filled with dread
"He asked if we could try naturally first, so we met in the middle ground. We started trying and I conceived within a year with our little girl. To be honest, almost straight away tokophobia kind of reared its head. When I got the positive pregnancy test, part of me was so excited and part of me was just filled with dread. It all kind of went downhill from there in terms of my anxiety and my fears.
"I spent all of my booking appointment in tears with the midwife. I couldn’t comprehend how I was going to get this baby out. I just couldn't see it — I was absolutely convinced we were both going to die.
"At 16 weeks I had an appointment with my midwife, which is standard procedure. I went in and asked for a C-section there and then. I just couldn't take the thought of delivery and didn't feel like I could do it. I told them I'm terrified of hospitals, and terrified of people touching me, and terrified of blood, terrified of needles. Get this baby out. That's when they said I might have this condition called tokophobia. They asked me lots of questions and referred me to the perinatal team for a specialist assessment. I'd never heard of tokophobia. I was still like, I'm not really sure that's me. But when I met with the team and they explained to me what tokophobia was, I thought, Oh my goodness, this is totally me.
"I had a huge amount of work [to treat my tokophobia]. I had cognitive behavioural therapy around 20 weeks. I also had gradual exposure, so I had to learn to walk into the hospital ward, into labour, into the theatre where they'd be doing the operation. I don't say this in jest, but I don't believe my daughter and I would be here had it not been for the specialist support that we received. They also granted me the C-section on the grounds of the tokophobia, because my fear was so extreme. And I think to this day it was the best thing I've ever done.
"I'm blessed and I'm so lucky to have [my daughter] and I love her so much. But the nine months of my pregnancy were the lowest, most miserable experiences of my life, and I don’t say that lightheartedly. It got to the point where I couldn't get out of bed, get washed, and go to work. It was just so frightening and so haunting and I was having nightmares about bleeding or losing the baby. Everything was just so centred around the anxiety of giving birth.
"One of the biggest problems with tokophobia is the stigma. Everyone expects you to be really happy when you're pregnant and planning these amazing water births with candles and aromatherapy and you bloom and you look wonderful and it's such an amazing time. And I felt none of that. I felt like a failure. I felt like I wasn't a woman. I didn't want a baby shower, and that caused a lot of problems. A lot of people couldn't understand why. I didn't do any of the exciting pregnancy things. And that was the biggest stigma, that people couldn't understand why I wasn't on cloud nine.
"Lots of things can trigger my tokophobia. I'm 35, I've got a baby of my own, and I promise you I've never, ever, ever seen an episode of One Born Every Minute or Call the Midwife. And should something come on TV where a character in a film has a baby, I would immediately turn it off or leave the room. The other thing that's a big trigger is other people's birth stories. There seems to be a culture where women feel the need to compete for the worst horror story of their labour. You never hear somebody say, 'You know what, I had a really good birth. It was really positive, it was what I wanted it to be'. There are always these horror stories that you think, Oh my god, this sounds barbaric.
"I genuinely don't want any more children. To be honest, I asked for a full hysterectomy. There was nothing wrong with my uterus, so the hospital couldn't do it as an elective surgery. I get where they're coming from; we're very privileged here with the NHS but you can't have everything. I would like my partner to have a vasectomy. I need to think about some more permanent birth control.
My advice for women experiencing symptoms of tokophobia would be to talk — to really, really talk
"My advice for women experiencing symptoms of tokophobia would be to talk — to really, really talk. See somebody — be it your midwife, your doctor, a specialist counsellor or a therapist. The worst 17 weeks of my life were the 17 weeks before I got help. When I met with the team and they said that they'd work with me, the relief and the loneliness were definitely alleviated a little, because there was finally somebody who got it. I felt like there was somebody on my side rather than feeling like a freak show.
"Now, post-partum, I would just like to offer other women support because my biggest thing was the loneliness. I still have never met any other women with tokophobia. Recently I was privileged to speak about tokophobia as part of a mental health campaign with student nurses and midwives. So many people don't know anything about it. I didn't know anything about it. And I was really brave last night. I've never told anyone about my tokophobia, as I was too ashamed. But last night on my way home I put a post on my Facebook talking about my tokophobia presentation and 70 people messaged me saying, 'Oh my gosh. This is me. I can relate to this.'"
This interview has been edited for length and clarity.
Last night, stars gathered at London's Royal Albert Hall to celebrate one of the highlights of the film and television calendar, the BAFTAs (British Academy of Film & Television Arts). With #TimesUp and #MeToo revealing the entertainment industry's dark underbelly, it's impossible for award shows like the BAFTAs not to be coloured by political messages.
Several of the nominated and most talked-about films this year have pushed against Hollywood stereotypes – Call Me By Your Name, Get Out – and political action took place on the red carpet, as well as during the ceremony. Activist group Sisters Uncut stormed the event wearing 'Time's Up Theresa' T-shirts, highlighting the prime minister's upcoming Domestic Violence and Abuse Bill, which will criminalise survivors while distracting from devastating cuts to domestic violence services worldwide.
As accusations and truths continue to emerge about abuse, sexual assault, and professional misconduct, actors and actresses again donned black in solidarity with those who have come forward. A tweet from the Time's Up campaign group last night read:
"We wear black to say #TIMESUP on workplace harassment, abuse and inequality. We wear black to stand in solidarity with women of all industries, from the #BAFTAS & beyond, the message remains the same: we stand for safety and equity in the workplace #TIMESUP#WHYWEWEARBLACK."
Despite Frances McDormand, winner of Leading Actress for her performance in Three Billboards Outside Ebbing, Missouri, not wearing black, she said to the audience, "I stand in full solidarity with my sisters," and Kate Middleton wore a dark green dress and black ribbon, but as the royal family rarely show political allegiances, this comes as no surprise.
Ahead, we've rounded up the best looks at last night's BAFTAs, from shimmering silhouettes to floor-sweeping gowns.
Saoirse Ronan, star of indie sensation Lady Bird, wore a 1920s-inspired black dress, complete with fringed panels and a sheer skirt.
Photo: Getty Images
Lupita Nyong’o wore a stunning cut-out Elie Saab dress with a Time's Up badge.
Photo: Getty Images
Rachel Weisz wore The Vampire's Wife, Susie Cave's booming brand of feminine, off-kilter demure dresses.
Photo: Getty Images
Best Actress nominee for I, Tonya, Margot Robbie dazzled in a sequinned and tulle black dress.
Photo: Getty Images
Emma Roberts went all Dynasty in an '80s plunging neckline and exaggerated shoulders.
Photo: Getty Images
Octavia Spencer, who was nominated for her supporting role in The Shape of Water, brought old school glamour in this sheer illusion gown.
Photo: Getty Images
Isabelle Huppert chose Armani Privé for the ceremony, featuring sequins and feathers.
Photo: Getty Images
Rising star and Black Mirror and Black Panther actress Letitia Wright wore a beautiful buckle-detailed embellished gown.
Photo: Getty Images
Jennifer Lawrence kept it demure and classic in a structured gown with white tulle off-the-shoulder detailing.
Photo: Getty Images
Angelina Jolie, who brought Cambodian-American human rights activist Loung Ung as a guest, stayed true to her signature old Hollywood aesthetic in a sweetheart-neck gown.
Photo: Getty Images
The gorgeous Naomie Harris invited journalist and campaigner Afua Hirsch as her guest, and wore cigarette trousers with a plunging, embellished and feather-trimmed dress on top.
Photo: Getty Images
Despite her directorial debut proving a runaway success with critics, Greta Gerwig was not nominated for a directing award, but instead for Best Original Screenplay. She paired her cropped shag with a floral-embellished sequin gown.
Photo: Getty Images
Like what you see? How about some more R29 goodness, right here?
Careers, friendships, fashion, and relationships — they're all the building blocks of a great women's magazine. They're also the building blocks of Prime Video's brilliant new show: The Bold Type.
The Bold Type premiered in the UK on 9th February and follows three young women carving out careers at the glittering New York City glossy, Scarlet. There's Jane (Katie Stevens), a fledgling writer with grand journalistic aspirations; Kat (Aisha Dee), the confident risk-taker who's just achieved girlboss status thanks to her promotion to social media director; and Sutton (Meghann Fahy), an editorial assistant who is still figuring out where her ambitions lie.
Leading them all is the magazine's editor-in-chief, the charismatic yet authoritative Jacqueline Carlyle (Melora Hardin). It's Jacqueline who pushes Jane to reach her full potential as a female journalist, giving her assignments that both challenge and empower her. Whether you're a student intern or a career veteran, it's hard not to come away inspired — or at least entertained — by the lessons Jane and her friends pick up along the way.
And while the show is unabashedly glam and aspirational — an early scene involves champagne and a fashion closet, ooh la la — it also gets real about media careers in a way that past Hollywood projects haven't.
Here, we break down which journo truths The Bold Type gets right. And don't worry: A little dose of reality doesn't spoil this smart, soapy fantasy. Happy viewing!
All 10 episodes of The Bold Type are available to watch on Prime Video.
It's all about that hustle
If you want your career to go anywhere, you have to be willing to go above and beyond the call of duty — whether that means travelling to the far reaches of the earth internet to track down a source or, in Jane's case, chasing down an ex-boyfriend or spending your off-hours road-testing the trendiest erotic accessory on the market, even when your own sex life is sub-par.
Flexibility and the ability to break out of your wheelhouse are major media skills. The best journalists — and employees, full stop – are willing to break out of their comfort zones. Complacency, or shrugging your shoulders and mumbling "that's not my job" as you leave the office at 5 on the dot, won't make you a valuable member of the team.
A great journalist also knows to pitch, pitch, pitch and not wait for the work to come their way. While it's easy to be discouraged, that persistence typically pays off in the end. Case in point: Yours truly got her very first writing byline after volunteering for an article that a fellow magazine intern had turned down on the grounds she didn't know anything about— and didn't want to research — the topic. Seize those opportunities!
Photo: Courtesy of Prime Video.
Female bosses aren't all villains
There have been countless movies made about plucky rom-com leads who toil at glitzy magazines run with an iron fist by a domineering dragon lady with a severe haircut. One day you're dreaming of being a famous reporter, the next you're working for Pol Pot and her poodle.
It's not that scary female bosses don't exist, but to portray them all as villains is such a tired trope that undermines the important accomplishments of the real women who have climbed to the top of the media industry ladder.
That's why it's so refreshing to see Scarlet EIC Jacqueline Carlyle portrayed as a woman who is intimidating, ambitious, and forthright without being hellbent on making her minions' lives pure hell. Inspired by Hearst Magazines chief content officer and The Bold Type executive producer Joanna Coles — a native Brit who has previously been editor-in-chief for the American editions of Cosmopolitan and Marie Claire — Jacqueline is a career woman who expects nothing less than the best from her team. That doesn't mean being a ruthless tyrant; rather, she's willing to both nurture and challenge a writer to extract the real talent lurking within. She can go toe-to-toe with the humourless male publishing bigwigs at Scarlet, but she can also be supportive and quick to champion an employee who gets it right.
Every editor is different, but Jacqueline — someone who you may not love 24/7, but can appreciate and learn from — is a much more nuanced representation than what we typically see.
Photo: Courtesy of Prime Video.
Social media truly is that important
It's mind-boggling how, not so long ago, "social media" wasn't even really a thing, let alone a legit media job title. Now, most publications live and die by their clicks, online presence, and ability to generate buzz in unconventional new ways.
The Bold Type feels so fresh because it acknowledges this transition. Having Kat be a social media director is a stroke of genius that speaks to the reality of how the media industry now ticks in the era of Facebook Live videos and Snapchat. Which story will go viral? Do journalists have an online authority and tons of Twitter followers? How can Instagram engage readers in the most innovative way possible?
The show gets that the 360-degree magazine experience isn't just about some fresh-faced journalist chewing thoughtfully on her pen while a supermodel fashion shoot takes place behind her desk. It's also about what Kat refers to as "click gold". There are strategy sessions and social media campaigns, one of which Kat orchestrates in the first episode. Jane also sees one of her (highly personal) articles blow up online. Later, she's targeted by vicious trolls and gets a taste of online shaming, something that many female journalists in the public eye are subjected to.
Scarlet may be a print magazine — and thus, a reportedly dying breed — but its brand is very forward-thinking and plugged in.
Photo: Courtesy of Prime Video.
You have to earn your stripes
All three of our Scarlet stars began as assistants four (FOUR!) years prior, because, as in real life, patience and paying your dues is part of the game.
Shortcuts and so-called overnight success stories are rare. Most "breakout" journalists have cut their teeth on underpaid intern and assistant roles and writing clips that offered nothing more than a vague promise of exposure. It can take years of thankless grunt work and piles of rejection letters and ignored CVs before an editor finally gives you a shot.
The good news is that starting from the proverbial bottom gives you time to develop your skills and build relationships with people who can give you work. But even then, a career in media is no walk in the park.
While the show paints Scarlet in a mostly glamorous light, it also doesn't shy away from addressing some of the industry's less favourable facets. Contrary to popular belief, media salaries — especially on the editorial side — are far from lucrative. Journalism isn't a field people go into for the money. (Those fab outfits? More often than not, they're freebies and goodie bag castoffs, discounted sample sale finds, and cute knock-offs.)
There are late nights and rewrites, and layoffs are, unfortunately, a constant worry. And while not all publishers are the sort of decrepit sticks-in-the-mud we see on Scarlet 's board, magazines are a business and the bottom line can often trump creativity. If you can't stick to deadlines or adhere to your company's rigorous editorial standards, this may not be the job for you.
Photo: Courtesy of Prime Video.
There can be some ridiculously glam moments
We've established that media jobs require a lot of blood, sweat and tears. Why do people do it, especially in the era of "fake news"? Creative expression, a firm belief in society's need for a free press, and — hmm, maybe the odd cocktail party or celebrity interview.
Amid all that work, there are some serious perks, especially if you work for a lifestyle or fashion magazine. In the case of Jane, Kat and Sutton, it's trips to the fashion closet and black-tie galas. For others, it might be the opportunity to work with hugely influential and interesting people, or get insider access to a world you're truly passionate about. Whether you're a celebrity journalist interviewing movie stars on the red carpet at premieres, or a fashion writer ogling designer dresses as they stream down the runway during Fashion Week, there's always some pinch-me thrill to take your mind off your deadlines and non-stop emails.
And trust: When you've been pulling all-nighters getting the issue to press or have just finished your sixth draft while your editor peers over your shoulder, literally any event with an open bar and a goodie bag not filled to the brim with dry shampoo (WHY is it always dry shampoo?!) certainly sweetens the pot.
Oftentimes, though, the biggest buzz of all is seeing your byline on a piece you're really proud of. Joan Didion, eat your heart out.
Photo: Courtesy of Prime Video.
Like what you see? How about some more R29 goodness, right here?
Last season, Ashish exclaimed that he felt like he'd staged his own funeral with a more sombre, dark and dreamy collection that reflected the turbulent sociopolitical times the world faced in 2017. Yesterday evening's AW18 show was a joyful return to rainbow colours and glittering glamour as the designer invited us inside his magical, midnight market.
The show space was transformed by set designer Tony Hornecker into a bustling Indian clothes market, with carpeted floors, garish storefronts of retro clothes shops selling "non-stop glamour" and hanging mannequins in sequinned garments and bold patterns. "This was going back to my roots a little bit, celebrating immigrant culture. I wanted to create this magical, midnight market. It was about mixing high and low art, different elements together. Just celebrating the randomness of life," the designer explained backstage.
The first model emerged through the shopfront beneath a "Glamour Fashions" sign, wearing a rainbow-striped glittering gold blouse with vertical-striped sequinned trousers, red aviators and a pink garland. Ashish's designs, which are made in India, are always an example of the finest handiwork but the level of detail and intricate fabrications of this collection were especially impressive, from hand-embroidered floral patterns and a hand-bead leopard gown to tinsel jeans and minidresses. This floral pattern continued throughout the collection, worn by male and female models alike (of course the show, cast by Mischa Notcutt, was brilliantly diverse as ever) and was actually inspired by a design Ashish made as a teenager during a work placement in a Delhi clothing factory. "It’s nice to design things that people treasure. This piece I designed when I was 16, someone had obviously kept that for 25 years and I found it in a vintage shop in Texas so I took it and redesigned it for this season."
Girls strode out with '60s inspired Bollywood beehives, created by Ali Pirzadeh, to a nostalgic soundtrack of Hindi versions of ABBA's Super Trouper, Sound Of Music classics and Cher. And of course, it wouldn't be an Ashish show without tongue-in-cheek slogans aplenty. A male model came out in a hoodie emblazoned with the word "Masturbate" in interlocking red and yellow sequinned circles, playing on the instantly recognisable Mastercard logo. Another hoodie, inspired by the Visa card symbol, read "Viva L'Amore" while a sequinned T-shirt playing on the American Express logo read "American Excess".
For those who can remember Ashish's SS14 collection, the designer made a comment on hyper consumption with a glittering bag similar to the Tesco carrier which instead read "DISCO", and another green Marks & Spencer-esque bag bore the letters "S&M". Again, Ashish masterfully remarked on Western excess with these witty slogans, explaining backstage that "it was also a take on consumer culture." There was also a strong message of love and unity with the "Viva L'Amore" hoodie and a rainbow-striped shirt that read "All I Want Is Love".
As the penultimate show on day three of London Fashion Week, when spirits are flagging and heels are dragging, we can always count on Ashish to rally and raise us with an impassioned show that was at once meaningful, moving and optimistic. Viva L'Amore indeed.
Like what you see? How about some more R29 goodness, right here?
